Have you ever found yourself in an unpleasant situation? One that you both did not plan for and do not know how to handle? I know I have. It’s such a natural response that when we go through problems we get grumpy, depressed, and the situation we ended up in became worse than it actually was.

Of course I am not saying that we should just accept every bad thing that comes our way. But sometimes, we just need to lighten up and accept the things that happen to us.

However, there is no mistaking that sometimes life deals us cards that we don’t want to play. When that happens, usually, we have no choice but to play them anyway trying our best to use them to our advantage.  But, whatever situation you’ve found yourself stuck in, I’m here to tell you that there is definitely a way out. You’re in your present state for a reason, whether you’d like to admit it or not.

Maybe you want to make the most of your bad situation but don’t know where to start. Well, my suggestion would be to make peace with it and find out what it truly means to accept and love it. I know you probably think I’m nuts for suggesting that you even give place to such an absurd thought, but the minute that you learn to love the things you can’t change, the sooner you will see them transforming in front of your eyes. In learning to love your situation, you must first realize that love extends far beyond that of an intense physical attraction to another person.

I’m speaking about the experience of love, the feeling of intense caring and identification with something, and in this instance that something would be your situation. Loving your situation means that you accept it just as it is, flaws and all, and become willing to nurture it until it grows and changes. When the unforeseen happens, you must learn how to use the situation to your advantage. So in the face of your bad situation, here are some things to remember:

• Accept the fact that choices are long lasting and life changing. Temporary situations are just that… temporary. They will only exist for a season and that alone is worth remembering. However, the choices we make do play a large part in the ways our life changes. So if your situation is a result of a choice you’ve made there is no need to beat yourself up about it. Work on doing those things that it takes to get you to the state of contentment and past the state of resentment.
• Your attitude will determine your outcome. It has been said that one’s true character is revealed in times of adversity.  You must take the time to change your attitude from one of negativity to one of positivity. Overall, the attitude you take while going through your situation will set the stage for the attitude you’ll have once you overcome that situation. It has also been said that the ability to make the best out of a bad situation can play an important role in success.  It is in times of adversity when others see us for who we really are, and not just who we are trying to become.
• Once you’ve made peace with your situation, find something good in it. There is always some good in every situation, whether bad or otherwise. You have to be willing to find that good and embrace it. Just about every bad situation has the seed of an equivalent or even greater good; you just need to know where to look.  This is where a positive mental attitude really comes in handy.  At the very least, bad situations can be written off as a good experience.
• Move from attitude to action. Making the best of a bad situation is all about attitude and action.  First, realize that you may not have any control over the situation but you do have complete control over your response.  Then, choose the appropriate action that will allow you to make the best out of the situation. So instead of insisting on having an attitude, vow to take action! That action is what will transform your situation into your positive destiny. Bad things often happen to good people, but good people take those bad things and turn them into something great!

Maybe I’ll be called a Scrooge for saying so, but the holiday season can be difficult for me. I have friends and family members who feel the same way. Sometimes we get so caught up in the stress of shopping, travel, and family drama that we forget that we’re supposed to be having fun. Maybe holiday time reminds of people we’ve lost. Maybe we hate the cold, dark winters in the Northeast. Whatever the cause, the holiday blues can be very real. So I thought I would share a few survival strategies that have worked for me in years past. Feel free to share yours!

Stay active.
I can’t emphasize this enough. Seriously, I have to run, walk, do yoga every day (or almost every day) just so I’m pleasant to be around. I need that time. Try to commit to doing something active for at least 30 minutes a day 3 times a week, and I bet you will notice a difference in your stress level and mood.

Friends are the family we choose.
My mother always says this, and I think it’s really true. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. They are wonderful people. But they can be a lot to take sometimes (and they would say the same thing about me!) Luckily, I have great friends who can step in when things get a little crazy and everyone needs a break. And friends make those occasions when I am away from my family special too. Being around good people always helps lift my spirits!

Give back.
I find it really helpful whenever I’m feeling stressed to get out of my own head and do something for others. I know, money is tight for all of us. However, we can do something good for the world without spending a fortune or even giving up a lot of time. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate to a coat or toy drive, or make a donation in someone’s name as a gift. You could even ask your friends to bring canned goods to your holiday party and send a shipment to the local food bank. If you’re in New York City, check out New York Cares for plenty of great holiday volunteer opportunities. Many other cities have similar organizations that can get you connected in your community. If you like what you do, keep it up throughout the year!

Those are just a few things I do during the holidays to (try to) take care of myself and stay focused on the meaning of the season. Post a comment and tell us what you do to stay sane amidst the mayhem. Happy holidays to all!

~Moira

Back in March, Anairo visited the issue of the Quarter-Life Crisis.  Well here I am, 22 years old, trying at all costs to avoid or at least minimize the frustration of this rite of passage into adulthood. After graduating from undergrad in May 2007, I started a position that September.  By November, my company announced in they would be closing my center, I wasn’t in the least bit disappointed since I had already been planning my escape. I sat in the corporate meeting thinking, I’m going to book a flight to Trinidad, a trip I was wracking my brain to negotiate into my existing work schedule. Within those final weeks at work, I saved every drop of my paychecks and decided to dedicate my hiatus to exploring, solidifying trips to Trinidad, Seattle, and Atlanta.  Excuse the cliché, but I feel like I found myself. I can say that it has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. In those nine months, I was even able to apply my passion for travel and produce a project that I’m proud to present as Her Journey, my baby, if you will.

During my break, a few things really clicked for me. It’s nothing you haven’t heard before, proved themselves worthy to be shared:

Quiet time.

Sitting in silence every once in a while not only reduces the stress from the rigor of your everyday routines but it also grants you uninterrupted reflection. Being alone with your thoughts allows you to get in touch with your deepest, sincerest desires and aspirations, and once you have revealed them you are already one step closer to achieving them.

Write it down.

You’ve heard it time and time again. For one, writing helps you capture all those thoughts racing through your mind. It also reminds you of goals, helps you keep track of your progress and solidifies your commitment to those goals bringing you yet another step closer to accomplishing them.

Research.

If you’re passionate about something you will be hungry to learn everything you can about it. Knowledge combined with passion is a good foundation for success.

Just do it.

Whoever said “I am the master of my fate” knew what they were talking about. You are the master of your fate and you can create opportunities for yourself to do what it is that you love. Simply, do what you want to do.

Go hard.

Once you’ve identified your passions, solidified your goals, done your homework, and you’re in a position to do what you love, you won’t have a choice but to do it wholeheartedly. Your passion will probably propel you actions beyond your conscious efforts.

Please be clear that I do not claim to have it all figured out, but these concepts have helped me thus far, and I only hope that in sharing them they can be helpful to you too. It is my hope that you all will contribute your wisdom as well, and our combined efforts will increase our chances of beating the Quarter-Life Crisis!

-Lady D

I know stress is bad, but I’ve never been clear about what exactly is going on in my body when I’m stressed. I know people react to stress differently – for me, I get headaches, but you can also have body aches, breakouts, and other pain. So my SASSY sistas and brothas (I see you), I decided to investigate. Stress was initially designed to keep up alert and focused, it was a defense mechanism. And it still is, except now we get stressed about things like work presentations and relationship drama instead of real danger. Not sure if you’re stressed, use this test to assess your stress.

What do you do when you’re stressed? I normally vent to my friends, drink or sleep. I figured there’s got to be better, healthier, and just plain more effective ways to deal with stress. In the interest of self-care, I did some investigation and wanted to share my results with you.

YOGA – I haven’t done yoga much but I know I should do it much more. If you can’t afford to take a class at a local studio or gym, you should definitely try a yoga DVD. Not sure if you’d like to invest in a DVD? Try some moves on Hip Tranquil Chick’s youtube channel.

MEDITATION goes hand in hand with yoga. There are many different kinds of meditation – the easiest being to simply focus on your breathing. That means stop thinking about whatever is stressing you out, and start thinking about your breathing. One of the best things about meditation is that you can do it literally wherever you are – at work, school, home, the subway… you get the gist. Interested in other forms of meditation? Check out: Learning Meditation or How to Meditate

and when in doubt, there’s nothing like some good old EXERCISE. Go outside and run, walk or jump rope. Take the stairs. Get off the subway a couple of stops early and walk the rest of the way. Go to the gym (hey, it’s almost bikini season anyway, time to tighten it up). If you can afford it, hire a trainer.

If you can – spurge. Go to a spa and get a back MASSAGE. Think about it, dim lights, soft music and someone massaging the tension out of your muscles. Tense muscles can compromise your immune system because tense muscles restricts the circulation of nutrients through your body. There are many different kinds of massages, test them out and see which is best for you.

Got some stress relievers of your own? Share them here!

peace,
e.

References: the Mayo Clinic, the American Institute of Stress, US Department of Health and Human Services