The other night, I went to see “Sex and the City” for the second time. After the movie, I got to thinking about the nature of female relationships. On the one hand, my women friends are some of the most supportive I have. I would not be who I am without them. On the other hand, we women (in general) can do some really underhanded things to each other. We gossip, cut each other down, and/or feel threatened by the “pretty one,” the “smart one,” or the “thin one,” I don’t entirely know why we do these things. But my theory is that all of it is learned behavior. We’ve been taught to be divisive. Just imagine how powerful we would be if we were united in appreciating each other for what we are. In order to achieve that unity, we need a statement, a declaration of sorts, to guide us. Here is my effort at outlining one—feel free to add your own tenets!

We will not break plans with each other for a significant other.
I’ve been on both sides of this one. I know how it feels to be so excited about someone new and want to spend time with him. I also know how it feels to be jilted by a friend who would rather be with her boyfriend. (Sorry to be hetero-normative, but I’m writing from my own experience here). The latter is no fun—it causes resentment and can end friendships (really). Most of us would like to avoid both outcomes, right? So when we say we’re going to do something, we should follow through, and try not to break plans with friends in favor of a significant other. In most cases, friends are around longer.

We will forgive each other.
Maybe the friendship to which I am referring above might not have ended if I had been better at forgiving. That’s something to think about.

We will not talk about each other negatively behind our backs.
I suppose this is life advice, not just wisdom for relationships with women. But it seems that we women are experts at being two-faced. We learned it from somewhere (and I’m going out on a limb here)–probably from the system of patriarchy that dominates our society and can’t handle the idea of women as a unified front. So we are taught to take each other down rather than lifting each other up. Every time we speak ill of each other, we’re contributing to the system in a small way. So why not try to stop, and with that, erode the system a little?

We will speak up when we see each other being treated unfairly.
This one is also about supporting each other. In a lot of ways, it follows logically from committing to stop talking negatively about each other. First we stop the negative words and then we stop the silence. Or perhaps we try to do both simultaneously. Patriarchy and other forms of oppression thrive on silence, which brings me to the next premise…

We will strive to understand how the many systems of oppression in our society are intertwined and strive to dismantle them.
We cannot talk about sexism without also speaking about racism, homophobia, ageism, and a host of other ‘–isms’. In order to undo the patriarchal system that thrives on women taking each other down, we must also understand how all of the ‘–isms’ hold up certain groups over others. We can learn from and join efforts to fight other forms of oppression. Even by committing to this code (or to your own) we can make a change that is larger than each of us.

So there it is: the girl code. Is it possible to live this way? I like to think so, especially if I have a whole group of wonderful women (and men) friends holding me accountable.

-Moira

So it seems that since the release of Sex and the City: The Movie, countless amounts of women have claimed to have been inspired by the movie’s courageous fashion spread. Some have even gushed about how they went to see the movies for the clothes. Sadly some of the women I seen who say this, have not taken the message to heart (or to their closets). I’ve heard women say they could never be as sharp as “insert name” because its costs too much. I’ve heard women say “I don’t wear pumps because only the expensive ones are comfortable”. The summer has just nipped on our heels and I don’t see girls in any.

So in an effort to help, I’ve created a little must have guide for the summer. The most have things for the summers are the following.

1. FULL CIRCLE SKIRTS.

(Full Skirt (in print), 19.99 at VictoriaSecret.com)

A full circle skirt is an necessity this summer. It’s a flattering silhouette for all women. Full circle skirts come in all patterns and colors and having a few in your closet will be great for the summer. For a nice brunch with your girlfriends, rock a full circle skit (some are belted at the high end of a natural waist, thus giving you a cinched link) with a pair of heels and cute blouse or top, and you’ve got a summer look that’s comfortable, chic and feminine.

2. SHORT SEXY DRESS

(Aqua Drapey Tube Dress, $69 at Bloomingdales) (Aqua One Shoulder Fitted Dress, $98 at Bloomingdales)

Beyonce was referring to these in her video “freekum dress”, but in no way am I advocating rocking lamaes in all different colors. However, a sexy fitted short dress (only worn with pumps of course) is a necessity and can be found in many stores. However, buying a cheap short dress is not sexy. The best bet is to find an affordable one that is still a nice quality. Also buying a dress that is jersey is great for throwing in your suitcase and requires less maintenance. Jersey fabric is also flattering on all body types.

3. MAXIMIZE THE MAXI

(Aqua Printed Maxi Shirred Tube Dress, $98 at Bloomingdales.com)

The maxi dress is an important dress for the summer. It’s a beautiful addition to the summer wardrobe. You can play it safe with a knit jersey maxi. However, to step it up, choose light fabrics like satin and silk organza maxi’s with floral patterns, ombre dye, and other beautiful patterns

4. PUMP IT UP

(Betsey Johnson “Felicia”, $150 at Bloomingdales.com) (Report Signature Shoes, $195 at shopbop.com)

Everyone who knows me, know how I always stress the importance of women in pumps. Pumps are NEVER out of style. The great thing about pumps is that you can never have too many or too many in the same color. I won’t go on and on, but I will say, the higher the better. I’ve listed a few options of shoes that you can buy to keep your summer wardrobe tight. In addition, may I please add that cheap shoes are a no no. Buying cheap shoes can totally KILL your outfit, especially when those cheap shoes are pumps.

If you cannot afford a lot of shoes, try your best by a pair of black, a pair of pattern (floral or leopard preferably) and pair of color pumps.

5. GLADIATORS!

(Gladiator, Old navy, $19.50)

Gladiator sandals are very popular right now. Definitely cop a pair.

6. CLUTCHES

(Jessica McClintock Ombre Frame Clutch, Macys, $52) (Jessica Simpson Pacha Clutch, Macys, $68)

Clutches are important part of your collection especially for going out in the summer. As for what kinds to get, there are way too many options for me to list them all. I will say that hitting the thrift stores and vintage stores are a great resource for clutch bags.

Hopefully, this small list will help you to center your thoughts on what to buy for the summer and what not to wear.

C.Law

When news broke that the Sex and the City movie was a go, fans of the hit show broke into two camps: first, there were those who just couldn’t get enough of it, who lived off of, and vicariously through, Carrie Bradshaw and co.; then there was the group who thought they should just leave it where it was, that they’d been subjected to enough Carrie/Big together-apart-together again nonsense and that they shouldn’t mess with a good thing. So, naturally, now that the movie comes out, there are those who love it and those who hate it, depending on where they stood with the original show, and both for very good reasons.

I must admit, I was obsessed with the original half-hour Sunday night show. I watched it religiously, begged family members for the pink collector’s set when it came out a few years ago and eventually mastered the famous cosmopolitan (hint: only use real cranberry juice and fresh lime juice if you can). After the show ended, I went through withdrawal and would have done anything to reunite the fabulous quartet, but then I started really thinking about it. The show had ended. It was over. They had wrapped it up so neatly that there were no ambiguities, no what ifs, no questions. Each character had gotten her happily ever after in her own way, and I was content with the series the way it was, sans film adaptation. But then the potential dollar signs started adding up, and HBO did it.

So, now the question isn’t whether they should have or not, but whether they pulled it off without pissing us off. (And by us, I mean the cosmo-sipping, Manolo-coveting, sex-talking – or wannabe-sex-talking – fans.)
The short answer is yes, they did, and amazingly so. Though the plotlines seem tedious – how many Big/Carrie breakups can we stand? – and the fashion at times ridiculously unrealistic (especially with some of the gratuitous “fashion-porn” shots, as I like to call them), the movie succeeds in giving us that extra long dose of our favorite foursome without overdoing it or deviating too far from what most fans probably wanted to see. For a fan, it’s a great afternoon at the movies.

That being said, from an objective point of view – that is, from the point of view of someone not drinking the Sex and the City Kool-Aid, the movie is pretty mediocre. Men dragged by their girlfriends will cringe through it, and women who haven’t followed the show will get annoyed with the contrived characters and boring plotlines. But the saving grace is those little moments of pure Sex and the City gold sprinkled throughout the movie, placed just in the right spots to wake up the uninterested viewer from his or her stupor (and seeing as how the movie runs almost two and a half hours, it’s not difficult to see that happening), like Samantha’s gawking at her ridiculously hot neighbor or Charlotte’s prudish disapproval of the use of the word “sex” in front of her daughter, which both provide comic relief during the film.

But the movie’s real strength lies in its ability to make you care not so much about the women and their relationships with men, but about the women and their relationships with each other. We see the ending of the movie from the beginning, or at least from the introduction of each character’s romantic storyline – there are no surprises there, but the scenes between the four friends are the most moving and memorable (one between Miranda and Carrie almost brought me to tears). Though we hate to admit the cliché is true, it really is the friends that will rush across town in the middle of the night to share a pack of Oreos with you because you’re scared of the ghost in your apartment that really matter.

So, get together with some of those friends, make a round of cosmos, and head out to the theater. That the movie “gets it right” or not is immaterial; the purpose of a movie like Sex and the City is to entertain, to make you forget about your problems for a little bit and dazzle you with wit, delicious men and gorgeous shoes. It is by no means groundbreaking or surprising, but it sure is fun – and pretty. Did I mention the shoes?

I was inspired to write this week, as opposed to answering a question. After seeing an early screening of Sex and the City tonight (Note: There are no spoilers located within this piece) , it got me to thinking about two of the themes of the series, which seem to underscore the movie as well. It was forgiveness and faith. The two were constantly intertwined. For those unfamiliar with the series, the protagonist, Carrie, is in a seemingly emotionally abusive relationship with the elusive Mr. Big for most of the show’s six year run. The gist of their relationship is she steps out on faith and reveals her emotions, he may or may not return them, he *always* does something to demonstrate that he’s in the power position in the relationship, shows her that she’s disposable, eventually cuts her loose and then decides one day to entertain her again…and she waits for him every time. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The problem with this is that Carrie isn’t forgiving and faithful, at least not in my opinion. She’s either into S&M, a glutton for punishment, or worse…a woman who lives her life rationalizing other people’s behavior so as not to examine her own. How many of us have been “Carries” in relationships? I can admit that I have been twice. How many of us realized that the actual rule is 2 strikes and you’re out, because only a fool would go back for thirds? I did. Well, sadly, there are still some “Carries” out there. I’m here to help. (Please note the date. This is one of the only times in life I will ever utter or type those words.) To that end, let’s have a prayer circle.

First, ladies, stop focusing on what something COULD be and take it for what it actually is. Today. In your face. We are often guilty of focusing too much on the potential and not enough on the reality of a situation- or as we learned in love jones, “the possibility of things.” Let’s remember that Larenz Tate was saying that that was the equivalent of romance, not the recipe to a lasting relationship.

It is being guilty of the first offense which leads to the second…not believing someone when they show or tell you who they are. This is the cardinal sin of rationalization, which I would have made #1, but you need the foundation of potential in order to justify your rationalizations. Still unsure? Here’s an example- a guy and girl are hanging out. The man may have made subtle gestures to demonstrate interest in a physical relationship. The woman interprets this to mean that he is interested. However, the conversation consists of him telling you about his romantic exploits with other women. This is HUGE. This mean: (1) he is still dating/seeing/sexing/etc. other women and; (2) doesn’t feel the need to hide this information. This typically indicates he has no plans in the near future to stop dating/seeing/sexing these other women. The problem with all of this is that rationalization leads to women mistaking attention (ANY kind, good or bad) as some form of caring and concern. WRONG. Sometimes it’s merely a form of “who can I get into tonight (with the least amount of effort)?” But to a woman looking for love or affection, this is justified as interest, and his admissions are seen as ‘honesty.’

There are a million other examples and sins that can be detailed, but that’s not the point. The most ridiculed and easily dismissed character was Charlotte- for her wide-eyed idealism and naiveté. Let’s not be so quick to dismiss her. While hopeful, optimistic and a romantic at heart, Charlotte was quite strategic and up on game when it came to romance. Perhaps that is why she was the most fulfilled at the end of the series. If we put half as much energy into strategizing and disciplining our love lives as we did career moves, investments and our standing biweekly hair appointments, we may end up just as happy as she is. I say keep hope alive, but be realistic about your hope. In order to do that, you have to be realistic and strategic with your approach.

Here’s hoping you all enjoy the movie this weekend…and it sparks as much discussion for you as it did for me. Happy trails.