Today I want to introduce a new series to SASSY: Choose Happiness.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about happiness.  Maybe it’s because it’s the summer and I have more time to actually enjoy living life.  Maybe it’s because a lot of my friends have found love or are having babies and just seem to be oozing love and happiness.  I don’t know.

So what does choosing happiness mean?  What I’m striving for is simple: To be happy every day, not necessarily all day every day but every single day.  No matter where I am in my life, or what I have.  Currently I would describe myself as on the pursuit to happiness.  I think I’ve even become a little obsessed with it.  I don’t like spending time listening to friends complain about aspects of their life they can easily change – don’t like the way the guy you’re dating is treating you?  Stop dating him and move on.  Totally bored and uninspired by your job?  Figure out what your passion is and then figure out a way to get paid to do that.  I know these  things are easy to say, but I’m finding it’s actually not hat hard to do.  I think that people forget that they are actually in control of their life.  You choose who you let in and spend time with.  You choose how you spend your time.  Now chose happiness.

I recently finished Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project.  It’s an interesting book. Essentially her New Year’s resolution was to be happy and through research and a pretty intense reward system chart, she tackled different aspects of life that affected her happiness and documented the whole thing.  At first, I was giving her (and the book) the illest of side eyes because theoretically she was already supposed to be happy – she was married, she had kids, she owned her house and she was doing what she loved (after quitting a very financially stable and respectable job).  But then I had to check myself, everyone has the right to be unhappy, or rather, everyone has the right to want to be happier.  And so, I read about her journey to becoming happier.  And I had to admit, some of her tactics could work in my life.

I was struck by one of her revelations.  That some of her unhappiness stemmed from bad feelings she had for not doing something  said she would/ was supposed to/ needed to do.  When I look at my life, and the times when I beat myself up, it is normally because I didn’t do something I said I would (normally something I promised myself – like going to the gym, or attending a friend’s event, etc).  So she created a Nagging To Do List and listed every single thing she had put off that she needed to do (and had beat herself up about) and she took a month and completed them.  After creating my list, I know it will take more than a month to handle some of them (that 19th century Black fatherhood paper is just not going to get done this month), but other things, like getting my pesky stove fan fixed where really simple  – simple to avoid but also really simple to handle.

The point of this series is to remind you that you can choose to be happy.  It really is a choice to make and that is just the first part.  You have to choose to be happy, you have to realize that you do deserve to be happy and recognize how important happiness is to you.  While Rubin spends a lot of time arguing with herself about whether it is totally selfish to focus on one’s happiness, I am actually not having that problem at all.  Although others are having a problem with me following my happiness because it is almost contradictory to my current work trajectory.  I’m on the third year of my PhD program and the thought of being a full time professor is less than appealing.  My boss/mentor is about to jump through the window; he is so over me saying “but I won’t be happy doing this.”  But you know what?  I’m going to do what I want to do, which is not following the script of what I’m supposed to do, and choose happiness.

peace,
e.

No I’m not gonna go Howard Stern on her, but I think she’s a perfect example of what I want to talk about.  First off, I love her confidence.  It’s not easy no matter the size, but for her to be that size in Hollywood and still have her self esteem (and sanity) in check is amazing.  But we must be for real, she is not healthy and we should not encourage her to stay this size.

The other day on twitter someone joked about how it’s the time for someone to talk to Gabby about her weight and not even 5 minutes later someone else tweeted “big girls rule, leave Gabby alone.”  Now I know this isn’t going to be popular, but we’ve got to stop.  If Gabby does not lose (a substantial amount of weight now), she might not make it to 50.  It’s just not healthy and we shouldn’t encourage this. I’m not saying turn on her, say bad things, think negative thoughts.  I’m not hating on Gabby.  I’m saying, we need to encourage her to do better.  We need to not make excuses for her not to lose weight.  At this point, she can afford better food, she can afford the gym, she can afford a trainer, she could even afford surgery if she wanted to go that route, so all these wack excuses you’re getting ready to throw at me are moot.

This post is not about bashing “big girls” or hurting their self esteem.  This post is a plea for us to stop encouraging each other  to stay large.  I get why we say “big girls rule” and other affirmations.  And I think it’s great that we encourage people to feel good about themselves no mater the size, but we have got to stop making excuses for our size.

Facts:

• African American women have higher rates of obesity than women of other races
• Black people were 50% less likely to engage in exercise than White people in 2007
• People that are overweight are more likely to suffer from high blood pressure and other risk factors of heart disease (which is the #1 leading cause of death for African American women).

Collectively we need to lose weight.  I’m not saying try to become a size 2, I’m saying be healthy. If you’re already fit, great.  Now go out and help your mom, your sister or your best friend get in shape too.  Losing weight and eating healthy are not easy, but they are definitely feasible.  With some motivation, discipline and support, we can do it.

peace,
e.

sources: 1, 2

Greetings SASSY women (and men)!! This time of year seems to be the busiest for most people and oftentimes, the monotony of our busy lives can sometimes lead us very little time to stop and “smell the roses.”  I was recently reminded of this when a few weekends ago, I was momentarily relieved of my responsibilities and told to “Go Relax!” and “Find something to do!”  Now, being a young woman in her mid-twenties, I would love to say that despite the chaos I sometimes call my life; I know how to kick back and relax.  But not true.

At a time when I should’ve been calling up the closest girlfriend, throwing on my cutest pair of skinny jeans and stilettos and getting my SASSY on, I was standing there dumbfounded trying to figure out what exactly I could do with myself that would allow me to say, “Yes, I got some rest” or “I (insert activity here) and relaxed a bit.”  But, somewhere along the line, I’ve forgotten how to REALLY relax and since this discovery, I’ve been on a quest to figure out what I can do to re-learn how to gain some moments of genuine relaxation in my life amongst all the ripping and running I do on the daily.

The word ‘relax’ means to seek rest or recreation; to become less tense; to cast off social restraint, nervous tension or anxiety.  My life seems to be the exact opposite of all those things.  I tend to stay tense, restrained, and anxious about getting the next thing done, often worrying about that next thing while doing my present thing.  But did you know that the body was not designed to effectively handle multiple stresses at the same time?  So when we overload ourselves with activities and thoughts, our body reacts by making us increasingly fatigued and weakening our immune system, making us more susceptible to colds and infections.

This is why it is important to find time to relax because relaxation helps to keep our stress levels down, and consequently improves our health.  Too little relaxation can result in mental health problems, memory failure and even heart attack – and none of us want that.  By taking time to pamper our minds   gives our bodies that natural rejuvenation it needs to keep us healthy.

In my quest to re-define my ideas of relaxation, I’ve formulated this list of easy to do things you can do to relax. And if you’re a person who finds it hard to relax or have to come to realize that your mind often wanders when you attempt to relax, this list is for you, my SASSY sisters (and brothers).

1. Indulge in a hot bubble bath. Just a 30 minute soak in a warm bubble bath will help you feel relaxed and lighten your mind.  Warm water loosens up muscles, so it’s a great way to feel pampered without doing a lot.  It will also deepen respiration and take any tension away from your body.  So break out your most aromatic candles and bath salts and soak away.
2. Relax with some soothing music. Oftentimes, putting on a good CD, being still and listening has helped ease some relaxation into my day.  Additionally, it is a known fact that music that has a tempo of 60 beats/minute works in harmony with the human heartbeat, and therefore creates a relaxing effect.  It slows down the heart rate, breathing rate and thinking rate, and lets you relax into deep levels of rest.
3. Learn the power of the word “No”.  This one is fairly simple.  If you are constantly bombarded with additional tasks that would cause your life to become more hectic than it is, just say “NO!” to these things.  Be selfish occasionally, the world can go on without you; someone else CAN baby-sit or drive your parents somewhere.  The meeting can wait and the garden/washing/house work can wait too.
4. Go For A Drive – Now this one isn’t for everyone, as some people cannot relax when they are driving.  But if you like to drive ( like I do ), drive somewhere pretty, stop the car and sit and look at the surrounding nature.  You’ll become one with yourself, your environment and free your mind of its stress.
5. Get a massage. Massage techniques are known to cause states of deep relaxation.  As the muscles loosen, the mind releases and lulls you into a state of peace.  Do some research in your city and find a spa that offers affordable massages.  Often you may find that a Swedish massage can run less than $50 if you’re willing to splurge.  Or if your boo’d up, ask them to come over and loosen those muscles for free.
6. Take a nap. Sleep forces our bodies to find states of natural relaxation.  By lying on your back, your muscles relax on their own, allowing you to let go of some of the tension without even trying.  Make sure that you nap without the TV or radio on, as this will force the mind to continue to be active and you’ll absorb those sounds into your psyche – causing you to never enter the REM stage of sleep.

Other things you may want to try: yoga, pilates or deep breathing techniques.

I hope you’ll be inspired by my list to take some time to relax by adopting some of these things or by creating your own imaginative ways to include moments of relaxation in your day.  Share with me in the comments what you SASSY folks do to relax both daily and when you have free time to partake in more lengthy relaxation activities.  If you do nothing today, take a moment to relax!!
Yours in SASSiness and relaxation,
Mignon

Oh yeah. It’s that time of the year ladies: SPA WEEK. From April 13 to the 19th you can enjoy pampering at many spas for $50. This is a national event, so check out the site, find your local spa and get that massage, facial or mani/pedi you’ve been putting off.

peace,
e.

Maybe I’ll be called a Scrooge for saying so, but the holiday season can be difficult for me. I have friends and family members who feel the same way. Sometimes we get so caught up in the stress of shopping, travel, and family drama that we forget that we’re supposed to be having fun. Maybe holiday time reminds of people we’ve lost. Maybe we hate the cold, dark winters in the Northeast. Whatever the cause, the holiday blues can be very real. So I thought I would share a few survival strategies that have worked for me in years past. Feel free to share yours!

Stay active.
I can’t emphasize this enough. Seriously, I have to run, walk, do yoga every day (or almost every day) just so I’m pleasant to be around. I need that time. Try to commit to doing something active for at least 30 minutes a day 3 times a week, and I bet you will notice a difference in your stress level and mood.

Friends are the family we choose.
My mother always says this, and I think it’s really true. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. They are wonderful people. But they can be a lot to take sometimes (and they would say the same thing about me!) Luckily, I have great friends who can step in when things get a little crazy and everyone needs a break. And friends make those occasions when I am away from my family special too. Being around good people always helps lift my spirits!

Give back.
I find it really helpful whenever I’m feeling stressed to get out of my own head and do something for others. I know, money is tight for all of us. However, we can do something good for the world without spending a fortune or even giving up a lot of time. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate to a coat or toy drive, or make a donation in someone’s name as a gift. You could even ask your friends to bring canned goods to your holiday party and send a shipment to the local food bank. If you’re in New York City, check out New York Cares for plenty of great holiday volunteer opportunities. Many other cities have similar organizations that can get you connected in your community. If you like what you do, keep it up throughout the year!

Those are just a few things I do during the holidays to (try to) take care of myself and stay focused on the meaning of the season. Post a comment and tell us what you do to stay sane amidst the mayhem. Happy holidays to all!

~Moira

Work Monday through Friday 9-5, go out Friday and Saturday nights, sleep in Saturday and Sunday mornings and run errands or do chores all day Sunday to prepare for another Monday. If this sounds like your weekly schedule, this post is for you.

I just returned from a weekend away in Northampton, Massachusetts for graduation. I know it’s not a wild and crazy excursion to Vegas or a peaceful trip to the beaches of Miami or Puerto Rico, but it was necessary. Thinking about my trip and all that I’d taken in from being around friends and a different environment made me realize how important it is to change it up every once in a while.

I know plenty of people (including myself at times) who get caught up in the routine of life. We end up doing the same things every day, having the same “small talk” at work or school, eating the same thing for breakfast, talking to their spouse/partner at the same time each day and night, going home the same route. Point blank, it gets tiring and boring and this repetitious life can drain one’s energy.

One simple, easy and for the most part inexpensive way to bring more excitement, joy and fun to your life is to spice it up. Doing one thing differently in your day helps keep living interesting. Try something new, explore and you can learn more about yourself and your surroundings.

Here are some things you can try that may spice up your life:

• Try something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t done: save up to go on that vacation you dream of, make plans to visit a cousin or close friend you haven’t seen in a while, pick up a new hobby, do karaoke or perform at an open mic.

• Next time you’re out with your girls… try out a new club or venue, or instead of going to clubs all the time, go bowling or check out a jazz lounge or new restaurant.

• Expand your musical, intellectual, spiritual or sensual horizons: give a new musical artist a chance and listen to their album, try yoga or Pilates, try meditating in silence instead of spoken prayer, check out a restaurant you’ve never been to, read a book outside of your normal genre. If you’re always surrounded by people, go out alone and if you’re an introvert or enjoy alone time, call that friend you’ve been thinking about or spend a day with a close relative.

• Change your hairstyle every now and then: try braids if you’re always rocking the straight look, or wear your hair out if you always pull it back. If you’ve NEVER cut your hair before, cut it into a new style (i.e. layers, a bob, a very short style). Speaking from experience, cutting my hair very short was a very exciting, nerve-wrecking yet liberating experience and I recommend it. I mean hair grows back and you can always rock a cute wig or weave until it does. If you’ve always worn your hair short, grow it out a little and play with some new styles, you might like the extra length.

I’m not saying you have to change or transform everything in your life but a new experience or risk taken every now and then doesn’t hurt. If we never change, we never grow. Going different places, trying new things and meeting different people allows us to get and stay inspired and excited about life. So go out and challenge yourself to uniqueness, and add small bits of variety to your schedule when and where you can. It keeps you happy and SASSY.

We know about it, we think about it, say we are too broke for it and perhaps every once in a while we attempt it, but in general, us SASSY women, just don’t take self-care seriously. Our “superwoman” tenancies get the best of us and in a world where you have to be extraordinary to be seen as ordinary, who can blame you? But I am here to tell you that no matter how important you are or how important you think you are, you have time for you. And who am I to be telling you this? I am a SASSY woman. Enough said.

So, what is self –care? For the purpose of this article it will be defined as follows:

self-care [self-kair] – Noun
1. The caring for the SASSY woman’s mental, physical, spiritual and emotional self.
2. The process of reviving old and discovering new interests and integrating them into your daily life.
3. The action of making YOU a priority in your life.

How to get started! The first thing I suggest you do is reflect on some ways you may already be doing self care. If you are going to be realistic in making self-care a real part of your life you might as well work with what you already got going on. Think back on the past 2 weeks and count how many times you did something that you would consider to be self care. Now think of which activity you enjoyed the most, was the least stressful from start to finish and something you could do regularly?

If you can’t think of one self-care activity, then you, my friend, need to re-evaluate your priorities and move yourself up on that list. I know you have heard this before but you are the only you in this world and you are the most important person in your life. So take time now and think of something you could do and just try it!

Once you have your self-care activity, schedule it into you day. Now, do not just say “On Saturday I will go to the gym or go to the park and read or cook a fancy dinner.” But really plan it. The more thought and effort you put into it, the more likely you are to actually do it. Plan it with another SASSY woman so you can both keep each other in check. Once you find a time you know you can do your self-care activity take it as seriously as you would a paper deadline or meeting with the boss. No excuses.

Now that you have your self-care activity, make it known. Example: If you have ever tried to schedule an activity with me on a Tuesday evening chances are I told you “No.” It is well-known fact that Stacey Younge is not available on a Tuesday nights unless it is something major. In a world where your time is so in demand from work, school, friends, family, significant others and all the other time consuming factors it is so easy to move your self-care activity to the bottom of the list until you can get to it “later.”

The next step: DO IT! Whatever the “it” is. Do it, and keep doing it until it becomes as normal as brushing your teeth in the morning. In order to be successful with this step make sure it is something you WANT to do, not something you should or need to do, but something you want to be doing. Leave the excuses for why you can’t do it for something else. One of the realest things I ever heard was that you have time for all the things you really want to do. That’s it. “My job/school demands a lot from me,” “I have a lot going on right now… blah blah blah.” All that time you spend coming up with reasons why can’t do it, should be spent on figuring out a way to make it happen. Now, I understand life happens and you will need to be flexible. Ok so you scheduled three hours but this week, you can only do it for one or occasionally you have to switch the time or day. Fine. Just as long as you’re not changing in every week, if that is the case you need a new plan.

In the end my SASSY sisters, self-care is completely possible if you want it to be, you just gotta make it happen. Take this self-assessment to help start off your new journey to self-care.

Have your own SASSY way of doing self-care? Comment below and share! Also, feel free to let me know if you have any self-care related topic I should discuss. Until next time, enjoy yourself and your self-care activities!

Best,
S