So back in November Essence ran an article titled “Date Like a White Girl.”   Long story short -after Melanie Sims’ boyfriend cheated on her, she decided dating like a white girl, meaning that she was going to be “footloose and free.”  According to Sims, when Black women date like every man is a potential husband.  Instead of looking for Mr. Right she starting settling for Mr. Right Now.

Now when I first read this I was on the defensive, thinking, we don’t date like that!  But, yeah some of us do.  Shoo, I do did.  I originally wrote this post in November and have been sitting on forever.  If we wanna keep it really real, I looked at basically every guy I like as a potential husband and that put pressure on everything.  I could go on tangent here and talk about all the external pressure we get to get married – especially since the media is making it out to seem like we have a better chance of flying on a unicorn over a rainbow than getting married, but I’ll save that for another day.  This is about the pressure we put on ourselves.  I wasn’t sure if I could separate these guys I was dating from the larger goal.  Poor guys, never had a chance.

This year I decided to do things differently.  After crashing and burning with two guys, I had to keep it really real with myself and admit I was doing it all wrong.  I had to consciously (and constantly) check myself with the next one.  So I did.  I went on a few dates without expectations – full disclosure: this might be because I wasn’t absolutely crazy about him.  I actually impressed myself, kept it really light, just let it be and enjoyed the moment.  For once, dating was actually fun. But now for the best part, it didn’t work out and I was fine with that.  It wasn’t a big deal, and that felt awesome.

So what say you SASSY ladies?  Do you currently date like a white girl?  Are you willing to give it a shot?

peace,
e.

Domestic abuse is an issue that gets sympathy but remains insignificant until it affects you personally. However, as distant as it may seem, it is important to protect yourself and those around you from it before it has the opportunity to get too close for comfort.

The Spring 2009 issue of Her Journey touched on the issue of domestic violence with the help and wisdom of Sil Lai Abrams, a survivor of domestic violence turned women’s empowerment coach. Recent events in the media have shown us that domestic violence is certainly an issue that hits closer to home. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Her Journey has accepted it as part of our responsibility to support this movement.

First, knowing exactly how to define domestic abuse can diminish common misconceptions and better prepare you to identify it before falling victim to it.

According to helpguide.org domestic abuse “occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person [sometimes using] fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you.”

Misconceptions:

1. It’s not domestic abuse if he doesn’t hit you.

Abuse comes in many forms, including verbal (name calling), emotional and sexual, all warning signs of what could eventually become physical.

1. It is only domestic abuse if you are married.

Abusive behavior in any intimate relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend, same-sex, etc., is domestic abuse and should not be tolerated. Domestic abuse can even occur after a relationship has ended.

1. Only women can be victims of domestic abuse.

Although it is more common and severe for female victims, men, too, can be victims of domestic abuse.

Okay, now we know exactly what it is, but how serious is it?

The National Domestic Violence Hotline website shares several startling statistics:

• According to CDC Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System Survey 2005, 1 in 4 women in the U.S. are victims of domestic abuse at some point in their lives
• 1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.[1]

What struck an even deeper nerve was finding out that:

• Liz Claiborne Inc. Teen Relationship Abuse Survey 2006 reported that 14% of teens said they would do almost anything to keep a boyfriend or girlfriend.
• 20% of those who have been in a serious relationship have been hit, slapped, or pushed by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
• 1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. Abused girls are significantly more likely to get involved in other risky behaviors. They are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide.[2]

These statistics could make your heart stop:

• According to the CDC Adverse Health Conditions and Health Risk Behaviors Associated with Intimate Partner Violence – United States 2005, each year, IPV results in an estimated 1,200 deaths and 2 million injuries among women and nearly 600,000 injuries among men.

An abusive relationship can be a very difficult situation to escape, which is why it is terribly important to prevent it from onset.

• The simplest rule: if you are unhappy in a relationship, it is not for you. (I’m not implying that all unhappy situations will result in domestic abuse, but if you are unhappy, you need to reevaluate the relationship.
• Be aware of the warning signs:
  • What kind of relationship did he witness? Many abusers witnessed domestic abuse among their own parents.
  • How does he handle anger? Men are naturally more aggressive than women, but it is important that he know how to handle that anger properly.
  • Persistence and disregard for what you say may seem like insignificant details in the beginning but are signs of someone who will do what they have to to get what they want.

Don’t making excuses for him:

• “He loves me. He just has a bad temper.” “It’s not his fault. His dad was abusive.” “He needs me. He’s hurting.” His pain is not your problem to mend, especially if he’s hurting you/not at the cost of your own well-being.
• “He’ll hurt me if I try to leave” But he’ll hurt you if you stay, repeatedly. It may be difficult and intimidating to leave but you can find support that is greater than him.
• “He promised it won’t happen again.” I would only advise considering giving him a second (and only a second, not third) chance after professional help.
• According to Allstate Foundation National Poll on Domestic Violence 2004, 3 out of 4 (74%) respondents personally know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence.
• 1 in 3 teens report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, slapped, choked or physically hurt by his/her partner.[3]

If your friend is in an unhealthy situation, you need to snap her out of her blissful fantasy and encourage her to find her own strength to leave.

The relief of leaving the situation will be a victorious feeling like no other, but I do advise seeking professional assistance to help you to love yourself, your friends, loved ones and another again. Now I’m not telling you to write the next Diary of a Mad Black Woman or reenact Jennifer Lopez’s character in Enough, but I strongly encourage self-defense to keep yourself protected.

Read other stories of victory: Juanita Bynum, Robin Givens

There are ample resources for information and support:

helpguide.org; endabuse.org; National Domestic Violence Hotline (800.799.7233)

For the entire month of October, Jewish Women International blog will be sharing stories of those who have survived and overcome domestic abuse.

The other day I wanted to write about Kelis and her fall from grace among men – from men I actually know to anonymous commentors on gossips blogs.  Talk about anger, you’d think these dudes were paying the child support order themselves.  Jeez.   And how before the ink dried on their divorce papers, men were calling Kelis the b word – and no I don’t mean bitch (although I’ve seen her called that a lot more recently too).  I mean the dreaded baby momma.  I wanted to write about the huge different between a wife and a baby momma. About how baby mommas are constantly disrespected and degraded because they don’t have a ring on their finger.  I figure if men don’t like/respect/love a woman enough to not marry her, why have a child.  I guess that’s a different post.   But the change in the public opinion of Kelis these past few weeks has been incredible and very disheartening.

And then it got worse – yesterday Kelis asked for more money.  Every gossip site had the monthly breakdown of Nas’s earnings and what her new spousal and child support orders should be.  And all hell broke lose.   Men across the country collectively sighed, as if paying $89,935 a month to your ex wife was the norm.

Now I have no idea what in the world Kelis is going to spend on that money on and I really don’t care.  This is a consequence of divorce, especially among celebrities.  And while I can see where men are coming from with regards to paying such a large amount in spousal support, we need to sit down and think how much would he have been spending less on Kelis if they were still married.  Probably more than what she is asking for.  And as for the child support, that is his child.  He should be paying some child support.  And again, if he was still living with Kelis and the baby, chances are he’d be paying more, not only in dollars but also in time spent with the child.

If you want to learn more about spousal support, click here.  To learn about child support, click here or here.

peace,
e.

cue background music – Bobby Valentino “I’ll Forgive You”

First I have to acknowledge that relationships are not easy. Relationships take two people who want to be in and KNOW what it takes to be in a relationship. I’ve dated, “talked to”, and laid down with many men (retired professional athletes, an ivy league professor, street pharmacists, biomedical engineers, designers (Urban Outfitters), Iraq veterans, MBAs and my current boo, I can’t stunt). I must also state that the dynamics surrounding my relationships are slightly different as I am a gay African American male and therefore not a woman of color. However, many of the dynamics in my relationships are the dynamics you face in your relationships. Many of the same issues that you’ve endlessly toiled over, cried about, asked Jesus about and your girlfriends about I have too!

I could tackle many issues in this first post, but I’m going to keep it simple. The following things need to be in place in order for things to go well in your current or ooops…next relationship.

1. Be in a relationship with someone who is going to be as dedicated to it as you are.
2. You must be loyal to your partner. (i.e, stick up for him in public, even if he is wrong!  Give him your support all the time. At times when I’m critiquing I still find a way to lift my man up!)
3. Never allow yourself to take a back seat to someone else, especially if you are really helping him (emotionally, financially, socially).
4. Know your man’s friends!
5. How you got him is how you gonna keep him. (i.e, if you fucked him on the first night, you’ll prolly do it again.  It’s hard to turn a booty call into a relationship, you’re already at a loss and you’ve got to get your footing back by having a real date a.s.a.p. or else throw in the towel).
6. Know your self worth!
7. You gotta give sometimes (i.e, you hate WWF wrestling or his friends who smoke weed, girl learn to get on with the Rock and Hulk Hogan.  And the puff friends, as long as they aren’t interfering in your relationship…leave them alone. Friends can fuck your shit up!)
8. AGAIN, uplift your man! (i.e “Ahmed, you are some bullshit! You don’t even got a full time job, you working part time ain’t making no real money.” Girl, Ahmed don’t want to hear that shit. He know he is working fulltime and not making enough money.  I promise. You pointing it out is not helping, it’s making him see that you are nagging the hell out of him and that he might want to find someone else who is chill and not fuckin nagging him about stuff.) SUPPORT SUPPORT SUPPORT your man.
9. Be honest with yourself and know the situation! (Do you want your man more than he wants you? Are you fighting to make the relationship work at every turn? Are you nitpicky about too many things?)
10. You can’t change nobody! (Self explanatory, but I’ll elaborate.  Think about how hard if it to change things within yourself, like going to the gym, dieting, keeping up with friends, telling the truth, saving money, etc.  NOW think how hard it would be to change those things in someone else…who really isn’t ready or doesn’t want to change.  Moreover, apart from the transformation process in relapse he might be a mess now but by time her gets to girlfriend # 5 he might be ok. You gonna stick it out? Or you gonna go? Also he might not change, and he could relapse on #5 as well.)
11. Do ya’ll have the same goals? (Where do you think it is going?  How do you know?)
12. Do you talk to your man? Does the relationship only consist of texts and emoticons? Umm we have a problem!
13. If it’s serious you don’t have to ask your man to stop chatting with hoes or playing games.  Why?  Because he’ll stop because he will be content with you.
14. Having an ex present is not the business and it is a detriment to your relationship. If he loves that ex more, you will know!
15. No point in having a partner if you don’t have yourself! Other people can see that you’re lost, not grown or not on their level very quickly.
16. Does this person make you feel whole, make you feel better?  A good partner will know your needs, because they pay attention to you! A man who loves you knows your needs! PRAISE GOD!
17. Are you proud of your partner? Is he proud of you?
18. You say you want a bad bitch….Are you a bad bitch? You want him to be to have a car, know how to fix stuff, be educated, in shape, etc? Can you be what he asks? Can you cook? Are you in shape? Are you sociable? Are you someone he would want to introduce to his friend? (ALL OF THEM)  That’s a bad bitch to him!
19. Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be with that one!
20. Work on making yourself better and I promise, you’ll have more options!
21. Are you settling? (DAMN, soo deep I can’t even go there in this post!)
22. Oh yea…KNOW YOUR FIELD! Who is your competition? What do you have that they don’t? I live in New York, I’m pretty much fly 85 percent of the time and like 95 percent of the time when I see my boo. He knows what I look like in the morning, but he sees that the least and the flyness the most!
23. What was his last serious relationship like? If you can, find out. The results might surprise you!

That’s all for now.  Please send love and hate mail to Eva, she’ll get it to me.

Date #2: Reproduction
You’ll know how this guy got his nickname

How we met
I was out at a bar eating and he came up and started talking to me

His Stats
45, college educated, member of a Greek-lettered fraternity, works in real estate, born and raised in the city we currently live in

The Date
After-work drinks

What I wore
My work clothes: black pantsuit with a white blouse that had ruffles, silver accessories, low black pumps

Yes I know what you’re thinking…he’s old(er). There is nothing really wrong with older men.  I don’t discriminate. What was unique with this guy is that he has never been married nor does he have any kids. Normally this would throw up red flags, but I had a chance to talk to him for a long time and meet some of his friends when we met. Everything seemed ok.

I arrived at the spot first and grabbed a table.

*pause*

I’m gonna be real honest with y’all…I tried very hard to find a table in a back corner. Had a feeling that people were going to be staring at us. For some reason I didn’t want anyone to see me.

*end pause*

Once Reproduction arrives, he looks slightly…different. He looked older than when I met him. No biggie. Just an observation. He’s still handsome. Salt and pepper beard. A little more pepper than salt. Same pleasant smile.

We order some beers and begin what will be a stop and go conversation due to both of us peeking at the basketball game.

Reproduction: My friend from the other night asked about you. Asked if I had talked to you since we met.
Me: Oh really?
Reproduction: I told him I did and he was glad to hear it. Said I should get on that because you can still have kids.

I know men have “biological clocks,” but my reproductive organs are part of casual conversation between two men?
Okay I guess…

After more stop and go conversation about dogs, jazz, and the fact that he pledged his fraternity the year after I was born, we decided to call it a night. He walked me to my car and attempted to kiss me. I declined and instead gave him a peck on the cheek.

Overall this date was…eh. I may give him another shot since I was tired and that can skew how I see things (I love my sleep). Or maybe he’s just more interesting when he’s drunk…hmmm.

So SASSY readers, do you date older? What is your age range? Have you ever dated anyone significantly older than you? If so, how did that work out? Until next time…

Love is all we need,
Sasha

Hey Everyone in SASSY land! Just wanted to give y’all an update on how the challenge was going…

I’M TIRED Y’ALL!!

I knew that going on 8 dates with 8 different guys was going to be tiring and that it was going to take a lot of effort on my part. But I am beat. Just plain tired. I go out just about every night (even on weeknights) in an attempt to meet people. My laundry is stacking up quicker since I’m changing clothes more often than normal.  And despite my efforts, I still haven’t met anyone.

Well let me rephrase that: I haven’t met anyone that I could see myself spending an hour of my time with. I’m open to giving people chances, but some folks out here are on that foolishness. For example, I went out to a bar to watch the college basketball National Championship game. I’m relaxing, watching the game, and sipping on my beer, when my waitress comes over to me:

Waitress: That guy over there in the hat sent this over to you.

What did he send me you ask? A cup of water. With a lemon wedge.

Umm…

Now this could be seen as a kind gesture. He didn’t want me to get dehydrated. Maybe somehow he knew that I hadn’t had my 8 glasses of water that day. How considerate. But what really took the cake was the note written on a napkin that came with the water:

“Y so lonely? Text me at 555-555-LAME”
I couldn’t take this seriously At all.

I’m not giving up just yet, but I am starting to get slightly frustrated. I need some advice on how to meet more guys. Someone out there have any tips for me? A tried and true method? A referral? Until next time…

Love (and a nap) is all we need,
Sasha

Greetings, SASSY family!  I hope that this finds all of you well.  Over the past few months, there has been a tremendous amount of buzz about Steve Harvey’s #1 New York Times Bestseller “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”.  So much buzz that Tuesday marked his second appearance on Oprah since the book’s recent release.   Congratulations and thank you to Steve for sharing this much needed information with the women of the world.  Although I can write and talk about the subject of relationships non-stop, I’ll briefly share my thoughts and the insight that I’ve gained from this book.  I may get some flack for this, but such is life.   And I promise I won’t spoil it for those who’ve yet to read the book.

In my opinion, most women (including myself) have had a hard time receiving the type of relationships and men that we desire because:

1. We don’t take enough time to figure out who we are and what we truly want;
2. What we decide we want is usually based on some outside person or force;
3. We’re in too much of a rush to become a wife and/or mother;
4. We’re slowly losing our ability to partner and support and are becoming more controlling, and
5. We are sometimes delusional, emotional creatures who don’t rely on logic enough.

In the chapter entitled “Men Respect Standards – Get Some”, Steve offers guidance on how to determine exactly what it is we are looking for in men and relationships.  And once we figure that out, we’ve got to stick to it and use that to teach men how to treat us.  Also, don’t just pass out the answers to the test to every man.  Give him the chance to prove that he’s an individual who can think and act on his own.  Slow down.  Be easy.  Do you want to get it done quickly or get it done correctly?

If we spend the majority of our time making the mad dash to the altar and delivery room, jumping from relationship to relationship attempting to train and please every man that comes our way, then how do we have time to get to know ourselves and what our likes, dislikes, and desires are?  And when we aren’t in relationships, we spend loads of time with our girlfriends who are in the same boat.  We have discussions that appease, console and patch up wounds but don’t always help us learn and grow from our experiences because we rarely call our girls out.  Ask YOURSELF questions.  Spend time ALONE, and SIT IN SILENCE more. Otherwise we are always dealing with people and their issues instead our own.  When you take in too many people’s energies and opinions, you risk losing your own energy and opinion.  I promise this will make you a stronger person.

But there’s the issue of women who are too strong, so what of the fine line between strength and independence and being perceived as strong but overbearing?  Take a (long) gander at the chapter entitled “Strong, Independent – Lonely – Women” for Steve’s tips and advice.  There is an art to being a strong, independent woman without overpowering or attempting to control or change our partners.  We must remember what men (not boys) are looking to do for us:  profess their love for us and who we are to them, provide for us, and protect us.  If we present ourselves as men in women’s bodies who can do everything for ourselves and already have everything, then men do not feel needed and believe that there is nothing they can provide for us.  I understand (actually all too well) that it is difficult for most women because we have to serve as both the man and the woman in our households.  We oftentimes get mixed up mentally and emotionally and unintentionally take ourselves out of “the game”.  It’s ok to be a strong woman who knows what she wants and where she wants to go, but it does NOT behoove us to lose our femininity in the process.  After all, this is what draws men to us.

Lastly, I will touch on our moments of female “delusions of grandeur”.  We often allow ourselves to be driven by emotion more than by our God-given logic.  We actually think that we can concoct a formula to change men and put them on our timeline and program.  And this is where the catastrophe starts and the relationship ends.  If we spend more time understanding men, how men think and function, and what drives them instead of how to get them to do what we want them to do, then our lives would be so much easier.   The first eight chapters of Steve’s book give us a view into the minds of men.  According to Steve, men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make, and until they have achieved their goals in all of those areas, men will not allot much time to focus on developing serious relationships with women.

That said, let’s approach this differently, ladies!!  Let go of some of the emotion and melodrama.  Cut the orchestra music, and let’s get real with ourselves.  You know when a man is interested or not.  You know whether he’s spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially stable enough to be a potential spouse.  You know whether your requirements and standards (get some) are being met.  You know whether he treats you like someone who’s going to serve a short-term or long-term role in his life.  FOLLOW YOUR GUT (not the gut of someone else).  Don’t sell yourself short!  Don’t count yourself out because you are approaching (or past) 30 years old.  Don’t stay in a subpar relationship because you are afraid to take a risk.  You will most likely meet someone better and also become a better person yourself Just remember to Act Like a Lady, and Think Like a Man.

Peace and blessings,
Quiana

Dear Bari,

What is the best way to break up with someone?  Well, let me explain.  I’ve been seeing this woman casually for about two months, and after four dates and non-regular phone calls, I realize I’m just not that interested.  I don’t want to be cliche, but I’m just not that into her.  What is the best way to let her down gently?

Single in Silicon Valley

Hey Single,

First of all, nice to hear from a guy again.  You’re only our second guy to write in.

Now, I think men tend to drag out breaking up with a woman, or in your case just telling her you don’t see this going any further since you aren’t in a relationship, to avoid hurting her.  I understand.  You often think your phalanges or your car may be in danger.  And sometimes they are.  I think to avoid doing further damage, and to insulate you from bodily injury or property damage, you should do the following three things:

1. Be Honest.

Tell the woman the real reason you don’t think it’s working out, but be nice about it, of course. If you just aren’t compatible in terms of interests, hobbies, or how you like to spend your time, you should tell her that. That may be a good way to let her know that you aren’t just generally disinterested, but you just don’t have the right ingredients for a romantic relationship. If you’d like to remain friendly with her, tell her that. Be mindful about what you claimed were your intentions from the beginning, because those can and will be thrown in your face and used against you. Be prepared for that with a ready answer.

Whatever you do, DO NOT tell her “It’s not you, it’s me.” You might as well shank yourself and save an hour if you go that route.

2. Be Direct.

When I say this, I mean two things- (i) use the right diction, clear and concise language, and (ii) choose your medium wisely. Let’s tackle the first one. When I say be direct and use the right diction, you need to have a clear grasp on what you want to say before you say it. Don’t freestyle a breakup. Think of it as a press conference. You’re going to get questions you are and are not prepared for. If you are 90% sure you’re going to get a certain question, have a ready answer. Use clear and concise language. Don’t sugarcoat. Give it to her straight, no chaser so there’s NO room for rationalization or interpretation with her girlfriends during post-game analysis.

Choose your medium wisely means you should really know when to text, call, email and show up in person. Nothing is more insulting than getting sensitive news via text or email, when the subject matter, and the person delivering it, is important enough to warrant AT LEAST a call. I know text provides yet another passive aggressive shield for dudes, but come on. You wouldn’t want to hear that your mom died, or your dog died for that matter, via text… so why would you want to tell someone you want to cease and desist all contact via text? That’s cowardly. Phone or in person are best.

3. Do it ASAP.

Let’s keep it real. Dragging anything out longer than it needs to be is like ripping off a damn near glued on band-aid slowly. That’s all bad. Trust me. If you want to ensure someone is angry with you and feels like you were taking advantage of them or playing with their emotions… stall when doing something important. Sure, no one wants to hear that they aren’t all you ever dreamed they would be, but guess what? The sooner you tell them, the sooner you can stop blocking their blessings and your own. If you know you aren’t willing to give ole girl another shot, then tell her now before she fills another notebook with variations of her married name with your surname on the end.

Also, think realistically.  It’s a recession.  Stop spending money (and time that you could be using to try to make money) on chicks you know you don’t like.

Date Responsibly,
Bari

If you have a question for Bari, email her at askbari@gmail.com

No fret, it’s really not the end of the world.  For all my single ladies out there, Valentine’s Day can be more than a glaring reminder that you don’t have a boo.  What’s a single lady to do with a date on Saturday?  Below I share some suggestions:

• Attend one of the many Anti-Valentine’s Day parties out there.  (Here’s one in NYC) I’ve been invited to about three so far.  Just think, you’ll be surrounded by tons of other singles.  Hey, you might even leave with someone special.  If not, worst case, you have a fun night out with the girls.
• Do something for yourself that you’ve been putting off.  Didn’t get that manicure last week, go for it.  Need a back massage, go the spa and pamper yourself.  Did all this wind destroy your hair, go get it done.
• If you’re unhappy about being single, I can’t think of a better time to sign up for speed dating or a dating website. Be proactive homegirl.
• If all else fails, you can follow Very Smart Brotha’s suggestions of volunteering, sending yourself stuff for the big day or simply pleasuring yourself.  Can’t lose that way, huh?

So ladies, what are you doing this weekend?

peace,
e.

Let me start by saying that I saw this movie yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed it. I had a tough week, needed a light movie, thought the cast was great, and was with a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile. All the makings of a good afternoon. While watching the movie, though, I had some thoughts about dating, and about women’s dating patterns specifically. (I really can’t speak to the men’s point of view in the movie. Any guys reading this should feel free to comment!) I am certainly not a dating expert, but it seems odd that the book, written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, has been translated into a happily-ever-after romantic comedy to end all romantic comedies.  Note the title of the book is He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys. In true self-help style, it delivers a strong message to women to stop wasting our time wondering why guys haven’t called us and start looking for men who actually want to call us.

I walked away from the movie yesterday wondering why it is women tend to make excuses for men rather than just letting the ones who aren’t interested go and finding another guy who treats us as well as we deserve to be treated. I’m certainly not saying that all women do this, but I’ve definitely found myself in some of the traps described in the book and the film. I’ve waited for the phone to ring, checked my email over and over again. You get the idea. Anyway, what confused me, though, is how we went from self-help, brutal honesty to romantic comedy. Every single woman in the theater (and some guys too, I’ll bet) cheered at the end, when everybody lived happily ever after. Even with all the straight talk about not taking rejection personally, etc etc, is that what we all want? What do others think of this paradox?