I feel for Caster.

I mean, dang, she didn’t even know they were testing her gender.  She found out the results of the test the same time the rest of the world did.  And now she is in trauma counseling.  I almost can’t believe it.

For a minute, think about how you would feel if you found out that you weren’t (exactly) what you thought you were.

Gender is confusing.  For most of my life I was taught you were either a woman or a man.  Then I went to Smith and learned of this vast gray area between.  I learned about people born with too many x’s or y’s and what happens when a child is born with ambiguous sex organs (it’s not pretty, doctors and parents pick the gender…yikes).   I was fortunate to learn this from people who were changing from one gender to the other or from people who did not feel they were either, from professors and advisers who had patience with my ignorance and in complete privacy.  I was able to grapple with what it on my own time and in my own way.  Caster did not have that luxury.

The whole situation was a circus.  Look what this woman went through before the tests.  Undid the braids, put on some makeup, jewelery and a dress to “show” us that she’s a woman.  She literally had to say the words “I am not a man.”  Who has to go through this?  Who has to go through this because they are talents?   At this point it was crazy enough.

This whole situation reeks of ageism, sexism, classism and racism.  If Caster Semenyawas some rich, White middle aged man, the world would know the results on his terms.    It blows my mind how IAAF could conduct a gender test and not explain what they were doing to Caster or her parents.  And what in the world did the IAAF think was going to happen when her results were released? It was devastating and degrading enough to have to go through more gender tests and then for the results to be leaked?!  Are we really surprised Caster had a meltdown and is now on suicide watch?  She’s just a kid.  Jeez.

I’m happy South Africa is really ride or die for her.  I’m glad she’s getting support.  And I’m even glad that we’re all getting a lesson about gender.  But it’s all not worth the cost to Ms. Caster Semenya.

peace,
e.

The video is really upsetting but the reaction was problem more upseting.  Maia Campbell, of In the House fame, is apparently now a prostitute.  In the video she mentions a daughter that was taken from her – no doubt because she can’t get a handle on this mental illness or drug addiction.  She ends the video talking about how she about to get beat up.  I’m assuming the man who gets in the car and yells at her is her pimp.  I can’t really tell what’s going on in the video, I mainly hear swears.  She was most likely in a manic stage in the video.

I’ve read conflicting reports that  Maia is suffering from bipolar disease or she is is suffering from schizophrenia.  These two disease are not the same but are  both incredibly to handle when the person refuses to take their meds.  Her mother wrote the novel, 72 Hour Hold, which chronicles a mother trying to help her bipolar daughter.  Even through the book is a novel, Bebe Moore Campbell has stated it is based on true events.  This leads me believe that Maia is bipolar, and clearly off her meds.

She is apparently also a drug addict, which is like adding gasoline to a fire.  Again, conflicting reports of crack or meth.  People suffering from bipolar mood disorder use drugs to self medicate.  If Maia was using lithium, she’d be calmer.  I think because we so rarely identify someone acting wild as being in a manic state, we have don’t often connect mental illness with behavior.  All that yelling and cursing and mumbling, that’s a mental illness staring you in your face.  That’s someone who can’t afford, can’t remember or outright refuses to take their meds.

Some people thought the video was hilarious.  The men filming it clearly did, they laughed through the whole thing.   A lot of people were sad when they watched it.  Thankfully Black Web 2.0 wrote a post urging others to write about Maia’s Truth.  Although Maia Campbell’s not a top trending topic on twitter today, #Maiastruth still has some tweets coming.

The more I read about Maia, and see even more crazy videos and photos, the more my heart hurts.  Yes, it is really difficult to live with/deal with/help someone with a mental illness, but they do need help.  They need patience and forgiveness.  I feel for her late mother, who tried so hard to bring mental illness out of “our collective closet.”  I feel for her daughter.  And mostly, I feel for her.  I  hope that she gets the help she needs, gets back on meds, talks to a therapist and gets her life back together.

peace,
e.

update: Maia’s family has found her and she is currently in treatment.  Her family has also released a statement. I hope she stays and gets the help she needs.

Greetings SASSY Women,

I apologize for lack of involvement over a course of several months. I was trying to balance my life after several catastrophes.  Finally, I have regained some stability, and am making an uphill climb in combating depression in my life as well in the lives of others.  I am sharing this information with you because this article will describe what I have suffered from for the past six months. Unemployment depression if not detected and combated immediately can drain and destroy one’s livelihood and will to live.  I hope the description of this information along with my personal testimonial will help inform you in helping yourself and others around you especially during this time of economic recession.

Recent studies indicate that a person will become depressed in about one to six months of unemployment.  This is not surprising because one’s profession plays an intricate part of defining one’s self esteem, worth, and life purpose.  The absence of compensated contribution to society places strain on how one views themselves and others. Relationships become strained, especially if the person that recently lost their job is the breadwinner of the family.

Long term unemployment erodes the self confidence and increases self blame. It forces one to focus on their own faults and insecurities and capitalizes on them.   This heightened scrutiny transfers to how one views others, and relationships are strained.  The person is always irritated and lashes out at others who try to help.  Worry increases, and one becomes lackluster and uninterested in things that they used to enjoy, often times they keep to themselves and remain indoors.  Other symptoms include physical ailments, such as headaches, insomnia, gastrointestinal distress, and sexual dysfunction.

The most fatal result of untreated unemployment depression is suicide.  Experts say that unemployment triples suicide risk.  According to an article written by the BBC says that being isolated, not being part of a work community at all can increase feelings of vulnerability and worthlessness. If this feeling of worthlessness is not dealt with immediately, one can and will try to take their own life.

Although I never desired to take my own life, during this time of unemployment I suffered from all of the mental and some of the physical symptoms.  Luckily, I had people in my life that believed in me despite the circumstances.  My boyfriend and other loved ones noticed the drastic change in my behavior and started to make sure that I came out of my defeatist mentality.  Over a period of time, I was able to get out of the lowered mental state I was in, and change my attitude. Although I am not employed full time, I am excited and hopeful and I believe in myself again. Yay.

What You Can Do

If you or someone you love has developed symptoms of unemployment depression here are some ways to combat it:

1. Talk about how you feel. Find a way to express how you feel. If it’s to your significant other, to your loved ones, to your pastor, to your dog, through prayer or meditation or even through a blog or a journal. Get your feelings out. You will feel better.  If you are comfortable with sharing your feelings with a stranger and have the means to foot the bill, consider finding a counselor or therapist to discuss your problems with.
2. Stay active. Get involved in some community efforts, or if you joined a sorority or used to be active in a church group, become active again to rekindle pride and self worth. Staying productive will fight off the depression that comes with feeling like you’ve got nothing to get out of bed for.
3. Spend a lot of time with friends and family, people that love you. These people will serve as your cheerleaders and encouragers when you are down.  It’s normal to want to push people away when you’re experiencing unemployment depression, but the people who love you the most will be the people who can cheer you up.  And now that you’re not working, you can’t use being busy as an excuse.
4. Clean your house/apartment/room. Being unemployed is bad enough.  Being unemployed and sitting around a messy house all day is worse.  You’d be surprised at how having a clean house can lift your spirits.  Reorganize your closets, sweep behind kitchen appliances, donate unwanted things to Salvation Army, and really give your home a deep cleaning you can be proud of.  You’ll be glad you spent the time now when you start working again and don’t have the time anymore.
5. Go grocery shopping. It seems counterintuitive to spend a ton of money when you’ve just lost your job, but stocking up on groceries now will save you money in the long run. You’re going to have to eat, and you’re going to have to economize, so save money by making all your meals at home. Going grocery shopping has the added bonus of being comforting. You can buy all your favorite foods and take pleasure and pride in the meals you prepare.
6. Run all those errands you’ve been putting off. A great way to achieve a sense of accomplishment is to finish something you’ve been putting off for awhile.  Have you been meaning to mail Grandma’s birthday present, get Fluffy a new collar, or return those overdue library books? There’s no time like the present!

In conclusion, I hope unemployment depression is not something that is affecting you personally. If it is, I feel your pain, but there is a way out.  I hope this information helps you or a love one that you know that may be affected.

source

God bless,
-LD <3

A few weeks ago, I found myself at the Bohemia Beer Garden in Astoria, well into my third mug of Pilsner Urquell, for a much needed reunion with Richard, a confidante from my first (of many) colleges that I haven’t seen in over two years. “Hey honey, how ya been? Gimme an update on your life!”

“Well, let’s see; after 4 years of college and 2 years of traveling on theater assignments, I’m now living in my parents’ basement while hustling for cash between internships and freelance work. Oh, and did I mention that I’m also trapped in a long distance relationship with a girlfriend that I adore, but at best is simply adequate?”

To which, with a deep sigh and roll of the eyes, I responded flatly; “Welcome to the Quarter-Life Crisis Club. Your membership card should arrive by mail in 4-6 weeks. Allow me to give you a tour of your life for the next few years…”

Needless to say, Dick’s situation is nothing new.

First coined, at least to my knowledge by John Mayer’s song “Why Georgia”, according to the great bastion of knowledge known as Wikipedia, the Quarter-Life Crisis often strikes the post-college ‘Generation Me’ set somewhere between 21-29 years. If the Mid-Life Crisis is the existential panic over what your life should have been, then the Quarter-Life Crisis is that same panic about what your life will be. Most of this uncertainty can be generalized by a set of questions surrounding;

-My work (Can I find an amazing job that is socially meaningful, pays more than enough, offers great benefits, room to advance and just enough creative freedom?)
-My social life (How do I establish more friendships of the ‘right’ caliber outside of those I already have and possibly settle down with someone?)
-And my career (Do I want to attend law school and defer all of these questions by another three years?)

I used to think that once I got out of college and landed a job, that things would fall into place and I’d automatically enter a world of Cosmopolitans, career stability, and chi-chi apartments, but it seems like adulthood has just stirred up more confusion. And alas, society says that I am too old to run home to mama and ask her to figure things out for me like she used to. Though no one else in my circle, aside from Richard and myself, is openly questioning the direction that their life is headed in, I refuse to believe that we are the only members of the Quarter-Life Crisis Club.

Even more disturbing than this overt denial is the stealthy transition from care-free kid to awkwardly-aware adult. Between the ages of 17-21, life consisted of menial retail jobs and internships during the day, and roaming the City in search of the usual vices (sex, drugs, rock-n-roll, etc) at night. But nowadays, my drugs of choice are Aleve and the only men I’m interested in are Ben & Jerry (or at least the guys who are willing to buy some for me.) I’ve got a job with a pension, a graduate degree in the works, and a mean case of plantar fasciitis that tends to put the kibosh on any wild nights that I might have been planning.

Simply put, I’m too old for that shit.

But I also realize the limitations of my age, and fully admit to being too young/unestablished/insecure/broke to immediately accomplish my goals, i.e. buy property, have children, quit my job to attend the Culinary Institute of America, open my own speakeasy bistro, etc. Hence…the Quarter Life Crisis. I used to look towards my older 20-something friends for guidance, however I’m starting to realize that they, too are fumbling through this thing called life (albeit, with a bit more grace.) I wish there was some sort of 12-step plan to deal with this existential disconnect that I could share with everyone, but the truth is, it’s unavoidable. So here are three tips on what I’ve learned thus far from personal experience:

1. Grow Up
Just because you’re of drinking age does not mean you have to prove it every weekend; there are other forms of recreational fun outside of ‘models-n-bottles’ night at the club, or football night at the pub. Try cultivating interests outside of your comfort zone; maybe you’ve always been interested in learning a new language, or picking up a hobby. Who knows; you might meet great people along the way who share your interests.

2. Get Help
Maybe it’s a fear of little people (aka midgets), a penchant for picking the wrong mate, or something much deeper concerning an unresolved childhood drama, but we are all a lil bit crazy. However, within the minority community, there’s a general suspicion of talking to a therapist/psychologist, for fear of ‘becoming dependant on unnatural drugs’ or ‘airing our dirty laundry.’ Well get over it. Even if your form of therapy does not involve psychotropic medications, sometimes talking to a neutral professional can make a world of difference.

3. Gain Stability
And by stability, I mean funds. I’m not a financial expert, but there are many studies that prove how most people (including myself) are only three months away from living in basic poverty, or at least moving back in with your parents. That being said, SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!!! Or at least look into a Roth IRA/401k/403b plan that will automatically do it for you.

I’m not saying that I’ve found the absolute solution, but when supplemented by the occasional cold beer with good friends like Richard, these steps can make the transition into independent adulthood a lot smoother. And until I am living my ideal life of a married restaurateur with 2.5 kids and a home in the Poconos, I’ll take whatever I can get.

-Anairo

We know about it, we think about it, say we are too broke for it and perhaps every once in a while we attempt it, but in general, us SASSY women, just don’t take self-care seriously. Our “superwoman” tenancies get the best of us and in a world where you have to be extraordinary to be seen as ordinary, who can blame you? But I am here to tell you that no matter how important you are or how important you think you are, you have time for you. And who am I to be telling you this? I am a SASSY woman. Enough said.

So, what is self –care? For the purpose of this article it will be defined as follows:

self-care [self-kair] – Noun
1. The caring for the SASSY woman’s mental, physical, spiritual and emotional self.
2. The process of reviving old and discovering new interests and integrating them into your daily life.
3. The action of making YOU a priority in your life.

How to get started! The first thing I suggest you do is reflect on some ways you may already be doing self care. If you are going to be realistic in making self-care a real part of your life you might as well work with what you already got going on. Think back on the past 2 weeks and count how many times you did something that you would consider to be self care. Now think of which activity you enjoyed the most, was the least stressful from start to finish and something you could do regularly?

If you can’t think of one self-care activity, then you, my friend, need to re-evaluate your priorities and move yourself up on that list. I know you have heard this before but you are the only you in this world and you are the most important person in your life. So take time now and think of something you could do and just try it!

Once you have your self-care activity, schedule it into you day. Now, do not just say “On Saturday I will go to the gym or go to the park and read or cook a fancy dinner.” But really plan it. The more thought and effort you put into it, the more likely you are to actually do it. Plan it with another SASSY woman so you can both keep each other in check. Once you find a time you know you can do your self-care activity take it as seriously as you would a paper deadline or meeting with the boss. No excuses.

Now that you have your self-care activity, make it known. Example: If you have ever tried to schedule an activity with me on a Tuesday evening chances are I told you “No.” It is well-known fact that Stacey Younge is not available on a Tuesday nights unless it is something major. In a world where your time is so in demand from work, school, friends, family, significant others and all the other time consuming factors it is so easy to move your self-care activity to the bottom of the list until you can get to it “later.”

The next step: DO IT! Whatever the “it” is. Do it, and keep doing it until it becomes as normal as brushing your teeth in the morning. In order to be successful with this step make sure it is something you WANT to do, not something you should or need to do, but something you want to be doing. Leave the excuses for why you can’t do it for something else. One of the realest things I ever heard was that you have time for all the things you really want to do. That’s it. “My job/school demands a lot from me,” “I have a lot going on right now… blah blah blah.” All that time you spend coming up with reasons why can’t do it, should be spent on figuring out a way to make it happen. Now, I understand life happens and you will need to be flexible. Ok so you scheduled three hours but this week, you can only do it for one or occasionally you have to switch the time or day. Fine. Just as long as you’re not changing in every week, if that is the case you need a new plan.

In the end my SASSY sisters, self-care is completely possible if you want it to be, you just gotta make it happen. Take this self-assessment to help start off your new journey to self-care.

Have your own SASSY way of doing self-care? Comment below and share! Also, feel free to let me know if you have any self-care related topic I should discuss. Until next time, enjoy yourself and your self-care activities!

Best,
S