It’s one thing to choose to be happy, it’s another thing to actually keep it up.  I think I’ve made strides in term of overall happiness, but sometimes I get bummed, sad or angry.  I try to not to stay in these states for very long.  Sometimes it’s easy to snap out of it, sometimes I need to try other tactics.

The first way is with affirmations.  If you’ve ever seen my room, you’ll notice two things. One, (to the untrained eye) it’s messy and two, it is almost covered in post-it notes.  Whenever I hear something positive that resonates with me, I write it down and  post it somewhere I’ll see it in my room.  Most are congregated by my computer screens and the rest of are my huge bulletin board/headboard.  They range from short and sweet (Choose to shine.) to long (success is not the key to happiness.  Happiness is the key to success.  If you love what you are doing you will be successful) to reminders of my general awesomeness (You are f-bomb smart Eva – really, really helpful during finals period).

If I’m not in my room, I turn to music.  On my ipod and iphone I have a “smile” playlist.  Very handy for dealing with shenanigans on the road.  These playlist hold a lot of “I’m so cool songs” a la Beyonce (except it actually contains very little Beyonce at all, but you get the gist).  When I play these songs, I find that I start to strut down the street instead of dragging myself.

And then there are the big dogs: call to Mom or Dad (my biggest cheerleaders) or America’s Funniest Home Videos.  If something really troubling happens, I just call my parents who will never fail to tell me 1. that I’ll be ok because 2. I can handle anything and 3. that they love me.  I always knew my mom was really good for these phone calls, I recently learned my dad is also pretty great for these calls to.  I’m sure you have someone that’s awesome at cheering you up and reminding you that you’re capable and awesome.

And America’s Funniest Home Videos – I literally cannot watch this show without dying.  Ever since middle school, whenever I watch this show I get sucked in and laugh  - and not just any laugh, that crazy laugh when no sound comes out.  It is just so silly.  So by the time I’m done with that show, it’s pretty hard to go back my funk.  Lately I’ve been saving random episodes on my DVR so I always have one ready.

So that’s what in my happiness arsenal.  What’s in yours?

e.

Happy New Year all! I know, I know, I’m late.

For me 2010 is all about the pursuit of happiness.  I’m not trying to become a new person, I’m trying to become a happy person, or rather stay a happy person.

So what makes me happy?

Love. Love for myself and love for others.  Real talk, I don’t think I fell in love with myself until 2007.  So sad, right?  Anyway since then I haven’t fallen out of love with myself since.  It’s a priority for myself and really influences all the other goals I’ve set for myself for the next year.  But I’m not so caught up in loving myself that there’s no room for loving others.  While dating is really time consuming, I’ve decided I need to make the time to get out and meet people.   Let’s face, I’m not going to find my Mr. sitting in my apt.

Being Healthy (read: not being fat).  If you know me, getting fat is probably my largest phobia.  And in 2009, I was hitting numbers on the scale I never thought I’d see.  It was really really depressing.  My clothes weren’t fitting right. And for the first time in my life, I did not like the way I looked.  I hated it.  So I whined for a while.  I changed my eating habits, I got a trainer (then fired him, that’s another post), and now I have a regular routine for the gym.

Having money in my pocket. Currently I am “grad school broke” and I’m not exactly happy about it.  I’d like for my money to work for me, so this year I’m going to learn how to invest it.  I’ll share my (hopefully) success stories with you.  With this crappy economy, we need all the financial advice we can get.

Not being stressed. When I started school, I decided the only thing I was going to let stress me out was school.  Not friends, roommate, family or lovers.  I know for some it seemed like I became an ice queen, but it’s a self preservation move.  My main goal over the next 3 years is not only to graduate but to be, what my friend calls, the baddest bitch.  I set a goal to publish at least 3 articles before I graduate, I need to work with different faculty members – put myself out there – and still do my coursework.  That is all crazy time consuming and stressful.  There’s simply no room for other things to stress me.

Having fun. This goes hand in hand with not being stressed.  I had to learn to make time for doing something free (and stress free) and not feeling bad about it.  This is probably the hardest part, but successfully making fun time for myself will ensure I don’t go completely crazy this year.

So what say you SASSY ladies, what are your plans for the 2010?

peace,
e.

So in an effort to eat healthier, I’m trying to limit my meat intake to once a day.  Since most of the recipes I know require meat, I’ve been on the hunt for something vegetarian that’s not a salad but is tasty and will actually fill me up.

For my first dish, I came across this Roasted Portobello Caprese Salad recipe in Martha Stewarts magazine (hey it’s not my fault the chick who lived in this apartment before us doesn’t get her magazines forwarded).  Anyway,  it was definitely filling, I ate about 3/4 of this and an ear of corn and was stuffed for the night.  I think I would add more balsamic vinegar and garlic, but otherwise this was delicious.  Check out the full recipe below.

peace,
e.

Ingredients
8 portobello mushroom caps
2 garlic cloves
1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil
3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
2 teaspoons coarse salt
Freshly ground pepper
3 medium tomatoes, sliced 1/2 inch thick
1 bunch fresh basil
8 ounces fresh mozzarella, slicked 1/2 inch thick
4 cups arugula
Toasted bread, for serving (optional) – I opted for homemade garlic  bread (yum)

1. Preheat oven to 400^o. Place mushrooms and garlic on a rimmed backing sheet; coat with oil and vinegar.  Sprinkle with 1 teaspoon salt, and season with pepper.  Roast, shaking sheet occasionally for 20 minutes (we found this to be way too long, maybe 10 minutes is better).
2. Flip mushrooms and garlic to recoat with oil.  Add tomatoes; flip to coat in oil, sprinkle with remaining teaspoon salt, season with pepper.  Roast until mushrooms are tender and tomatoes are soft, 20 minutes more (again only took us 10).
3. Rub softened garlic into mushrooms.  Please 1 mushroom onto each plate and top each with basil.  Stack another mushroom and 1 mozzarella slice onto each.  Layer more basil, 1 tomato slice, more basil, then another tomato onto each.  Divide arugula among plates and drizzle with pan juices (we didn’t need to drizzle since everything was covered in pan juices aka balsamic vinegar).  Serve with bread if desired (it was).

Per serving: 529 calories, 11g saturated fat, 25g unsatureated fat, 30mg cholesterol, 21g carbohydrates, 1,373mh sodium, 22g protein, 5g protein.

That’s advice from my cousin about beginning a new diet and workout routine.

I’m not in shape and I hate working out in public – or rather, I hate when I can’t keep up and other people can see.  But that’s what happens when you’re a beginner and it’s ok.  You have to start somewhere, what’s important is that you start, right?

So last week I attempted to run Prospect Park, now I knew there was no way in hell I was going to run the whole thing – besides being out of shape I have shin splints – but anyway I started running and then I was out of breath, so I walked a bit.  When I caught my breath I ran again until my shins hurt.  Then I walked.  And although I hated the thought of all these strangers watching me stop and go, I did it anyway and felt really proud of myself at the end.

So whatever it is that you’re trying to do, be it starting a new routine, getting back on the wagon or changing your diet, just start and be ok with being a beginner.

Good luck and tell us how you’re doing.

peace,
e.

The economy, recession, and Wall Street are all words that you’re probably sick of hearing, I know I am! If you are employed, you might be worried about losing your job, and if you’re unemployed you are trying to figure out how to make extra money while in between jobs. This current economic state is enough to stress everyone out as we all figure out how to get by. When I was younger my mother always taught me to never just depend on one source of income, I didn’t get it then, but boy do I get it now. Below are a few ways to get your hustle on in the recession.

1. Clean the Clutter! Yes, I know the online consumer run sites like EBay and Craigslist can be time consuming, however don’t count them out.  If you pick just two hours out of the week to clean your house/apt./room there is almost a guarantee that you will find something valuable that is no longer of use to you.  Electronics and furniture are big ticket sellers, and will certainly put extra cash in your pocket.
2. Be creative! If you were the shining star in Ms. Johnsons fourth grade art class (ok maybe that was me) or if you’re just extremely creative in general, sell your crafts! Websites like Handmade, Etsy, Fusion, and iCraft allow you to upload and sell your creations online.
3. Babysitting! With so much new free time on your hands (if you’re unemployed)  what better way to make easy money than babysitting for your loved ones, neighbors, or friends for a couple hours during the week? The best thing about babysitting is that you can give the kids back.   Most parents pay $20-$150 for babysitters to watch their kids for 2-5 hours.
4. Blog for Cash! New Media has been taking over corporate America for the last 10 years.  Many companies are hiring recent graduates to set up official blogs, facebook, and twitter sites to help market their products.  Make sure to include your technology savvy on your resume!  If you see a company without a blog who could really use one, call them up and offer your services (no really!).
5. Online Surveys! Ok, I admit surveys are absolutely no fun at all. However, filling out surveys for research corporations is one of the easiest ways to make money. While completing these surveys for cash will not exactly make you a millionaire, it will put a little extra money in your pocket.

Most importantly, put yourself and your talents out there, no time to be shy, it is the recession after all!

Mia

Okay, maybe titling this post “Funemployment” would have been taking it too far. Having survived a year of unemployment, I have learned that once you have surmounted the depression that La Donna discussed, it is possible to maintain a social life as well. Being unemployed does not simply mean surviving, you are allowed to LIVE. Here are a few tips I’ve gathered from living the unemployed life:

Stretching those dollars:

• Saving aggressively is a good habit to start even if you are employed. It will certainly help you prepare just in case… (I won’t even say the words.)
• Temporary income, i.e. unemployment, gigs, selling things, tax returns are funds that can help tie you over and extend your unemployed survival. Note: I’m not too good for contests and prizes.
• Recession special- Businesses are feeling the pain too. Many are offering ridiculous sales to simply keep the business alive. Make a vow to not pay full price for anything, as was suggested in a previous post.

Support system:

• Pride aside-As La Donna mentioned, friends and family love and want to support you. If they offer help, accept it. If you don’t want to feel indebted, you can repay them when you get back on your feet. It would be worse if you needed help and had no one to help you.
• Unemployeds unite!-Talk to other people in the same situation. Knowing you’re not alone helps, and you all can swap tips of what’s keeping you through the trying time.
• Networking- Surround yourself with people who are in industries you would like to be in. They can offer valuable information and may be helpful from the inside. (I recently realized that all of my previous jobs except one came through referrals from employees of the company.)

Now can I say FUNemployment?

• FREE fun- With Barnes and Noble, Borders and amazon.com practically synonymous with “books,” so many of us have forgotten about the trusty old library that was our good friend back in elementary school. Our long lost friend is still there with a plethora of books AND movies.
• TheUnemployedTourist.com is an odd but interesting site that highlights free activities around NYC.
• Pursue your passions- You new found free time grants you the opportunity to take up that hobby that you’ve been putting off. Nothing is more fulfilling that doing what you love, and it could lead to a lucrative career.

Lady D

for real? Is this requisite line of every black chick on reality shows?

Last night I watched the premiere of Real Chance of Love. Yes, the show is as terrible as its title and horrendous wardrobe. Who dresses theses guys?!

But please slip me the number of real’s hair dresser because I WISH my hair had that shine.

At any rate, the show is basically Flavor of Love (my fav) but with two clowns and too many angry women. The black women were so angry. The white women were so “color blind.” The show was absolutely ridiculous but one part struck me, the mandatory “I’m not here for friends” line that somehow turned into a really huge fight. It went like this.

White woman: We should be buddies.
Black woman: I’m not here for friends.
White woman: Ok *walks away*
Black woman immediately starts talking shit to other women about how the White women wanted to be friends. She threw in the “She’s here for the wrong thing, she’s not real” line and the others giggle.
White women: *over hearing this (because of course the Black woman was extra loud)* Are you talking about me?
Black woman (yelling): YES! I AM NOT HERE FOR FRIENDS!

Uhm, what in the world? Don’t believe me, watch it here. That was annoying. What was more disturbing to hear it in real life [editor's note: rest of paragraph deleted b/c said woman was offended]

SASSY ladies, lemme break something down for you. You need friends. You need friends at school, you need friends at work, you need friends in your life. I know this macho “I don’t need friends” bs makes you feel like you’re an independent woman, but for real, you sound foolish.

Why do you need friends? Well besides the fact that friends are awesome, they can benefit you. You can study with your friends at school. Friends at work can help you with your projects, they can keep you from putting your foot in your mouth at meetings. Friends at both can support you when people start acting crazy (it’s inevitable). I love friends.

If the friends at work and school aren’t awesome, perhaps you aren’t choosing them wisely. The office gossip, probably not the one you should be a bff with. The loud mouth who’s always playing people in class, while funny, is not the one that you want to share your insecurities with.

Choose wisely and please make some friends.

peace,
e.

crossposted at evahaldane.com

Work Monday through Friday 9-5, go out Friday and Saturday nights, sleep in Saturday and Sunday mornings and run errands or do chores all day Sunday to prepare for another Monday. If this sounds like your weekly schedule, this post is for you.

I just returned from a weekend away in Northampton, Massachusetts for graduation. I know it’s not a wild and crazy excursion to Vegas or a peaceful trip to the beaches of Miami or Puerto Rico, but it was necessary. Thinking about my trip and all that I’d taken in from being around friends and a different environment made me realize how important it is to change it up every once in a while.

I know plenty of people (including myself at times) who get caught up in the routine of life. We end up doing the same things every day, having the same “small talk” at work or school, eating the same thing for breakfast, talking to their spouse/partner at the same time each day and night, going home the same route. Point blank, it gets tiring and boring and this repetitious life can drain one’s energy.

One simple, easy and for the most part inexpensive way to bring more excitement, joy and fun to your life is to spice it up. Doing one thing differently in your day helps keep living interesting. Try something new, explore and you can learn more about yourself and your surroundings.

Here are some things you can try that may spice up your life:

• Try something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t done: save up to go on that vacation you dream of, make plans to visit a cousin or close friend you haven’t seen in a while, pick up a new hobby, do karaoke or perform at an open mic.

• Next time you’re out with your girls… try out a new club or venue, or instead of going to clubs all the time, go bowling or check out a jazz lounge or new restaurant.

• Expand your musical, intellectual, spiritual or sensual horizons: give a new musical artist a chance and listen to their album, try yoga or Pilates, try meditating in silence instead of spoken prayer, check out a restaurant you’ve never been to, read a book outside of your normal genre. If you’re always surrounded by people, go out alone and if you’re an introvert or enjoy alone time, call that friend you’ve been thinking about or spend a day with a close relative.

• Change your hairstyle every now and then: try braids if you’re always rocking the straight look, or wear your hair out if you always pull it back. If you’ve NEVER cut your hair before, cut it into a new style (i.e. layers, a bob, a very short style). Speaking from experience, cutting my hair very short was a very exciting, nerve-wrecking yet liberating experience and I recommend it. I mean hair grows back and you can always rock a cute wig or weave until it does. If you’ve always worn your hair short, grow it out a little and play with some new styles, you might like the extra length.

I’m not saying you have to change or transform everything in your life but a new experience or risk taken every now and then doesn’t hurt. If we never change, we never grow. Going different places, trying new things and meeting different people allows us to get and stay inspired and excited about life. So go out and challenge yourself to uniqueness, and add small bits of variety to your schedule when and where you can. It keeps you happy and SASSY.

A few months ago, a friend and I (both 5th years in our programs) were sitting in on a “Welcome to Grad School” program for students of color. During the program, a first-year in the audience asked a question:

First-Year: “So what do you do for fun here? I mean it seems like there’s nothing to do.”
Panelist 1: “Well there isn’t really that much to do…”
Panelist 2: “No, no that’s not right, I say I spend about 90% of my time studying, and 10% socializing.”
Leah & Friend: *Look at each other and burst out laughing*

My friend and I were shocked at the responses since the two of us spend a good chunk of our time having fun in graduate school. So for the two of us “old-heads,” the thought of devoting all of our time to a stress-inducing, alienating, and oftentimes isolating experience seemed insane. And while graduate school sometimes commands your full attention, there are still ways to maintain a balance of social and academic in order to maintain a healthy mental state.

Graduate School is a beast. And I mean that in the kindest way possible. It’s hard – doesn’t matter if you’re in a PhD program, Law School, Med School, Business School – it’s hard in ways most people can’t even imagine. We place plenty of emphasis on the scholarly part – make sure you study, go to office hours, become your professor’s best friend – but rarely do we talk about the social aspect of graduate and professional school. How it can be an isolating and alienating experience, even for those of us in the middle of the busiest of urban environments.

When I started graduate school, I lumped myself into the category of “graduate students living the good life.” I was halfway between NYC and Philly, I had friends in both cities, and I was moving from an undergraduate college that barely had one major street to a graduate institution that had its own transit system – all major upgrades. And while I was intellectually ready, nothing could have prepared me for the way that professional school eats, chews, and spits up all of your time. I found myself missing my undergraduate social experience – not just the parties, but also the social networking and the extracurricular club activities. I missed the camaraderie formed with people outside of my major; and I missed having fun discussions about simple things – like whether America’s Next Top Model was better than Project Runway. Part of my feelings of isolation also stemmed from being the only person of color in my cohort. During college, it was easy to run to my sorority or to join in meetings at the Afro-American Society. At first glance, graduate school didn’t present that opportunity and I felt increasingly like there was no one I could talk to, no one who I could relate to, and no one who could understand my voice in classroom discussions.

As you might imagine, academics + alienation + isolation = disaster equation. My first two years of graduate school were rocky. I felt unbalanced and scattered. When I tried to find social alternatives to ease the frustration of daily school activities, I took it too far. Instead of hitting the books, I was hitting the clubs. And I’ll admit – it was fun and it was exciting! But it wasn’t helping my ultimate goal of having a PhD in hand by June 2009. I quickly realized that for 95% of us, succeeding in professional school is about finding your perfect work-life balance. What works for you may not work for everyone. But social life and graduate school don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

How do you find a work-life balance? Start off slow! I got involved with on-campus extra-curricular activities like the black graduate caucus, undergraduate mentoring, and diversity recruitment and retention. I found social activities that meant a lot to me that didn’t detract from my studies or have me dancing with d-list celebrities on a nightly basis. I also eased myself back into the social scene, only committing to those events that didn’t interfere with my ultimate goal. So I felt completely comfortable hanging out in Philly until 2am, since I knew I could be back on the grind at 10am the next morning. Giving myself structure in all aspects of my life allowed me to do the things that I wanted and to do the things that I needed to do.

I also strongly recommend that you reach out to your true friends. Talk to them when you need them and stay in touch. Make time for them, whether it be taking a well-deserved vacation to the Dominican Republic, planning a joint birthday bash together, or just dining out together every once in a while. And present flexible options – can’t make it out to downtown Atlanta? Invite them over to your place in the suburbs to watch a movie and eat a home-cooked meal (or takeout, I know times are hard!).

I also realized that I have power and I have choice. So why not create your own social options? Want your off-campus friends there? Invite them too! So for example, for the past two years the graduate school has given me the funds to run a completely free winter gala – dinner, drinks, dancing, prizes, and good company! Create your own opportunities and your own solutions that allow you to socialize and to maintain your study habits. Other friends have done larger events, throwing citywide parties, hosting movie and game nights, or even creating professional school networking events. Again – test your boundaries and know yourself. If you can do all of this, great – you’re superwoman. If you can’t, no worries – you’re normal! But find ways to get involved so that you can have a hand in your own social destiny.

And of course there come certain points where we all have to buckle down and “do work son!” The bar, the dissertation, boards, final exams, job interviews … recognize that these things are monumental commitments and deserve your focus and your energy. But again – figure out a good work-life balance in order to de-stress. I cannot write my dissertation 24/7. But I can write from 10am to 10pm Monday through Thursday, taking off the weekend to go visit a friend in Chicago, or to go to DC to spend time with a loved one.

So remember, make time for you. Summer is rapidly approaching so make sure you take time out to enjoy it! If that means flying to Las Vegas to party for 3 days straight or hitting the beach in Cape Cod, then so be it! But make sure you take your books on the plane and you have enough structure in your life that you can jump right back into the war zone when you return.

And just to finish up my story, my work-life plan is a little crazy right now and is heavily tilted toward the academic side (I think I’m on the 90% work/10% play plan right now, yikes!) but it’s because I have deadlines, goals, and structure. Come June 2009 though, be prepared… because I surely will be partying like the Graduate Student Rock Star that I am!

-Leah-

Here’s the thing. Being SASSY isn’t just a personality trait, but a way of life, a state of being. You don’t just become SASSY overnight, and it certainly doesn’t come and go like those monthly fits of rage or irritability, though many would confuse them with sassiness. There’s obviously more to it than shooting back razor-sharp wit or being a little more than pushy when trying to get what you want, and true SASSY women know how and when to turn it up a notch and when to hold it back. But for those of you who haven’t quite figured it out yet, or for those who find themselves in uncharted waters, I’ve compiled this little handy list of general ground rules for being SASSY. Consider it a sort of Sassy 101, if you will.

Now, I can’t tell you how to be SASSY. Sorry, girls, but if you have to ask… Well, you shouldn’t have to ask, which leads me to tip #1 – know who you are. Just as funny people know they’re funny, SASSY women know they’re SASSY and are proud of it. They don’t go around asking people if they think they’re SASSY, and certainly don’t reply to that question with, “well, my friends say I’m SASSY.” OWN IT. Sassiness and confidence go hand in hand; you can’t have one without the other, kind of like chocolate and espresso beans. This may sound ridiculous, but spend some time doing some serious self-exploration. Before you embark on your quest to being a SASSY goddess, ask yourself if you really consider yourself SASSY, or if you think you could ever become SASSY. If you answer yes, go for it. Careful, though – there is no halfway in SASSY; you either are or you aren’t.

Tip #2 – and this one is essential – don’t be a bitch. There’s a very fine line between being SASSY and just plain being a horrid bitch, and you definitely do not want to cross it. Of course, there are those certain situations when jumping the fence is necessary to get what you want, but you should really save it as a last resort. Burning bridges is never a good idea, especially if you’re new at this, and especially at work. Plus, SASSY women are admired and envied; bitches are just hated and gossiped about.

Speaking of work and crossing lines, don’t overstep boundaries (#3). I’ve been SASSY my whole life and I still manage to screw this one up. I get too comfortable with people too quickly and end up throwing out a sarcastic joke that gets mistaken as rudeness or contempt. Luckily it hasn’t cost me anything major, but it has gotten me reprimanded and caused more than a few awkward moments with new friends. It’s really all about perception. Sniff out your surroundings, assess the situation, and ask yourself – objectively – can you really throw around the sass here, right now? If you have even the smallest inkling of a doubt, keep it in your proverbial pants and wait until you feel it’s right. Come to think of it, this advice may be applicable to more than one section on this site.

However, don’t mistake this advice as permission to be timid. If you do, refer yourself back to the first tip and realize that telling you to be shy and hold back all the time wouldn’t fit in at all with being SASSY. Do take chances; when you honestly think something you’ll say or do will work out in your favor with minimal – and in the best circumstances, no – collateral damage, go for it. After all, no one ever got anywhere from staying in the box. Just don’t go so far out of the box that you have to leave a trail of breadcrumbs to find your way back.

Tip #4: Don’t overdo it. Now, I’m not talking about over-vamping the sassiness here. If you’re not a seasoned pro, trying to be SASSY can come off as annoying and completely artificial; but I’m not saying don’t try. Please try. Try hard. Just try to make it look like you’re not (I know this is extremely difficult, but trust me, it’s important). Otherwise you could end up looking like that one girl in high school that wanted desperately to be part of the in-crowd and ended up incorporating every horrible adolescent trend into her wardrobe and no one wanted to be seen with her. So, for your own sake, keep the platform jellies in the closet.

Lastly (#5), be on your game at all times. Barring the rare cold or flu or other ailment that impedes brain function, you should always be on the ball and ready, because you never know when an opportunity will present itself. This doesn’t just mean being awake and alert (and, let’s face it, keeping caffeinated), but also knowing your territory and being prepared. Keep up to date on a common topic of conversation wherever you work or frequently hang out and learn from previous experiences to try to predict your next opportunity. But moderation is key – just because you can say or do something doesn’t mean you should; that quality vs. quantity rule does apply, so pick your battles wisely and you will (hopefully) always come out victorious.

Remember, being SASSY doesn’t just happen. Being SASSY comes from within, and it takes a long time to work it out, smooth out the edges, and mold yourself into the woman you want to be. I can’t just tell you to be SASSY. You have to want it. You have to work at it. And, to some degree, you have to earn it. There is no plan, just your own successes and failures that map out your “development.” Just keep in mind that there is no one right path and that when all else fails, stay true to yourself, because in the end, that’s really all that matters anyways.

-Allison