Dear Bari,

What is the best way to tell a man you’re just not that into him? He’s really nice, but I don’t see it going anywhere.  Just seems wrong to drag this out any further.

Hi Jasmine,

Remember when you were little and your mama or grandmother or someone told you that “honesty was the best policy?”  Yeah, you do?  Well, they were right.  The key here is to be honest but kind and considerate of the other person’s feelings.  That’s just part one of two, though.

No one likes rejection.  You have to keep that in mind.  The second part of this equation, and equally important part I might add, is the method.  We have all this new fangled technology now that allows people to get out of doing things they don’t want to do by avoidance.  Well, simply put, that’s wrong when it comes to break-ups.  If you are going to break up with someone, at least have the decency to do it either face-to-face or by phone.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT break up with someone via text.  It says more about you than it does about them or how you valued your relationship and their time.  It makes you look like a straight donkey.  Now, if you don’t care about your reputation or hurting this dude’s feelings, then have at it.  I’d advice against it because you also don’t know what folks are truly capable of until you hurt their feelings.  If you don’t mind having your tires slashed or bad things said about you in dating game version of telephone, then gon’head and break up with ole boy via text or email.  What happens afterwards is on you, though.

Lastly, treat others how you’d like to be treated.  If nothing else, remember that.  Someone may be wondering the same thing about you in a few months and you know what they say about karma…

Happy dumping!
Bari

Hi SASSY folks! My name is, well, just call me Sasha, and I’m the newest member of Team Love (I even got my t-shirt!). I joined the team because I’m ready to put myself out there and find love or at least a decent person to kick it with. In order to do that I will be taking part in what I like to call “Extreme Dating.”

My mission is to go on 8 dates with 8 different men within 30 days, which is an average of about 2 a week. A lofty goal I know, but I think it’s attainable. So from April 1st until April 30th, I will be out in the city meeting people, flirting a little more, getting referrals from friends, and maybe even going out with people I wouldn’t normally be pulled to.

By the end of the 30 days I hope to have discovered more about what I like and don’t like in a man, to catch up on all the casual dating I didn’t do in my early 20s, and to just have a good time meeting new people.

A little about me: I’m 27, and I live in a large city somewhere in the US. Went to school got an edumacation and all and now I do the whole 40 hour work week thing. I’ve been described by friends as humorous, outgoing, and effervescent.

Now my love life…well, I haven’t been in a relationship since July 2007. Since then there has been an ebb and flow in my dating life. There are spurts of decent guys who have come around, but nothing has really developed. Then I have these periods (they seem to be really long periods) of where I get no play. I never really did the casual dating thing like most folks do in their early 20s. It was pretty much either a relationship or nothing at all. My last date was in January 2009.

I will be writing about my dates and experiences here on SASSY so stay tuned to hear all of the details!

Love is all we need (I think),
Sasha

I don’t know about you, but for me, 2009 is all about the love.  A few friends and I have dubbed ourselves Team Love for the 09 (we even have t shirts, told you).  So where to look for love?  We seems to be pros and finging the wrong men at the wrong places.  Let’s try to switch it up.

Online dating…  Now before I’ve said that I wouldn’t try it because I wasn’t desperate.  I know, it’s bad but that’s the impression that I had.  But now, I need to logical.  I am always at work.  I am not going to meet any men at work.  I need to find a new option.  While I would love to not work, I need to be logical.  So then I came right back to online dating.

My first thought was, well which service to use? There are so many.  My best friend sent me consumer reviews of the big dating sites, it was pretty helpful.  But then I saw those prices!  $30 a month for match.com, $60 for Chemstry.com?  And then to possibly have to drop some dough on the date.  I had to opt for the affordable (read: free) okcupid.com.

My second thought was, what kind of men am I going to meet on this thing?  While ideally I’d only meet men who were interested in a relationship, I’ve meet quite a spectrum.  Some ask for casual sex straight up, while I can appreciate the honesty, I’m not down for that.   Some want to start talking on the phone right away and set dates to meet in person. I’m taking my time with it.  I mean, dang,I’ve only been on it 3 times.  But overall, the men seems nice.   Racialicious had a pretty interesting post on online dating and people of color.  The comments are great- keep it real and tell you some of what you can expect.

Will I meet “the one,” who knows.  But I’m definitely meeting more men on there than sitting in my office.

So what say we ladies?  Do you online date?  What have your experiences been? Dish.

e.