So I finally finished Skinny Bitch.  From the start, the tone killed the book for me.  The authors are literally bitches and from the first page the reader is pummeled with insults.  Aside from that, the book preaches healthy eating, specifically becoming a vegetarian and eventually vegan. I must admit, constantly referring to meat as “dead, rotting decomposing flesh” did turn me off a little.  But my love of meat triumphed in that battle.  They did get me when it came to milk – maybe it was by actually making me realize I am drinking another animal’s breast milk.  Gross.

What concerns me more than eating dead, rotting decomposing flesh is the lack of safety regulations regarding the health of the animals in general and sanitation after they are slaughtered.  Very much along the lines of Food, Inc. I think this tactic might work for people who are already on the fence about eating meat and people who need a tough-love push eat better.  All in all, I think you can get the same message from Food, Inc. without your self-esteem taking a beat down.

It was helpful to read their other book, Skinny Bitch in the Kitch: Kick-Ass Recipes for Hungry Girls Who Want to Stop Cooking Crap (and Start Looking Hot!), to get a better idea of what to actually eat.  Some of it actually looks really good.  You can read more about the Skinny Bitch franchise on their website.

peace,
e.

Recent grads check out this (free) e-book by Charlie Hoehn on how to be recession proof and land a job in this crappy economy.  Recession Proof Graduate is 30 pages of thinking outside the box for landing a job, and not just any job, a job you actually like.   What he recommends actually working, putting yourself out there and capitalizing on skills you currently have.  It feels very much like a prequel to The 4-Hour Workweek (I promise I will review this book soon b/c it really changed the way I work and will work in the future).  It’s 30 pages, but a crazy big font, I read it over breakfast.

Read it and tell me what you think.

peace,
e.

(via Iwillteachyoutoberich.com, yes I read everything Ramit tells me to)

Greetings, SASSY family!  I hope that this finds all of you well.  Over the past few months, there has been a tremendous amount of buzz about Steve Harvey’s #1 New York Times Bestseller “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”.  So much buzz that Tuesday marked his second appearance on Oprah since the book’s recent release.   Congratulations and thank you to Steve for sharing this much needed information with the women of the world.  Although I can write and talk about the subject of relationships non-stop, I’ll briefly share my thoughts and the insight that I’ve gained from this book.  I may get some flack for this, but such is life.   And I promise I won’t spoil it for those who’ve yet to read the book.

In my opinion, most women (including myself) have had a hard time receiving the type of relationships and men that we desire because:

1. We don’t take enough time to figure out who we are and what we truly want;
2. What we decide we want is usually based on some outside person or force;
3. We’re in too much of a rush to become a wife and/or mother;
4. We’re slowly losing our ability to partner and support and are becoming more controlling, and
5. We are sometimes delusional, emotional creatures who don’t rely on logic enough.

In the chapter entitled “Men Respect Standards – Get Some”, Steve offers guidance on how to determine exactly what it is we are looking for in men and relationships.  And once we figure that out, we’ve got to stick to it and use that to teach men how to treat us.  Also, don’t just pass out the answers to the test to every man.  Give him the chance to prove that he’s an individual who can think and act on his own.  Slow down.  Be easy.  Do you want to get it done quickly or get it done correctly?

If we spend the majority of our time making the mad dash to the altar and delivery room, jumping from relationship to relationship attempting to train and please every man that comes our way, then how do we have time to get to know ourselves and what our likes, dislikes, and desires are?  And when we aren’t in relationships, we spend loads of time with our girlfriends who are in the same boat.  We have discussions that appease, console and patch up wounds but don’t always help us learn and grow from our experiences because we rarely call our girls out.  Ask YOURSELF questions.  Spend time ALONE, and SIT IN SILENCE more. Otherwise we are always dealing with people and their issues instead our own.  When you take in too many people’s energies and opinions, you risk losing your own energy and opinion.  I promise this will make you a stronger person.

But there’s the issue of women who are too strong, so what of the fine line between strength and independence and being perceived as strong but overbearing?  Take a (long) gander at the chapter entitled “Strong, Independent – Lonely – Women” for Steve’s tips and advice.  There is an art to being a strong, independent woman without overpowering or attempting to control or change our partners.  We must remember what men (not boys) are looking to do for us:  profess their love for us and who we are to them, provide for us, and protect us.  If we present ourselves as men in women’s bodies who can do everything for ourselves and already have everything, then men do not feel needed and believe that there is nothing they can provide for us.  I understand (actually all too well) that it is difficult for most women because we have to serve as both the man and the woman in our households.  We oftentimes get mixed up mentally and emotionally and unintentionally take ourselves out of “the game”.  It’s ok to be a strong woman who knows what she wants and where she wants to go, but it does NOT behoove us to lose our femininity in the process.  After all, this is what draws men to us.

Lastly, I will touch on our moments of female “delusions of grandeur”.  We often allow ourselves to be driven by emotion more than by our God-given logic.  We actually think that we can concoct a formula to change men and put them on our timeline and program.  And this is where the catastrophe starts and the relationship ends.  If we spend more time understanding men, how men think and function, and what drives them instead of how to get them to do what we want them to do, then our lives would be so much easier.   The first eight chapters of Steve’s book give us a view into the minds of men.  According to Steve, men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make, and until they have achieved their goals in all of those areas, men will not allot much time to focus on developing serious relationships with women.

That said, let’s approach this differently, ladies!!  Let go of some of the emotion and melodrama.  Cut the orchestra music, and let’s get real with ourselves.  You know when a man is interested or not.  You know whether he’s spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially stable enough to be a potential spouse.  You know whether your requirements and standards (get some) are being met.  You know whether he treats you like someone who’s going to serve a short-term or long-term role in his life.  FOLLOW YOUR GUT (not the gut of someone else).  Don’t sell yourself short!  Don’t count yourself out because you are approaching (or past) 30 years old.  Don’t stay in a subpar relationship because you are afraid to take a risk.  You will most likely meet someone better and also become a better person yourself Just remember to Act Like a Lady, and Think Like a Man.

Peace and blessings,
Quiana

Every college student and graduate, shoot, almost every person, can attest to their personal financial woes, particularly those during the college years. Well, Angela Nissel recorded hers and shares them in her blog-turned-book, The Broke Diaries: The Completely True and Hilarious Misadventures of a Good Girl Gone Broke. Nissel recounts the all too familiar stories that many of us have our very own versions of, including the first check cashing encounter and a Greyhound horror story. Nissel should have received extra credit for her creative solutions as she dances with the fine line between creative and criminal solutions to financial woes: “The Top Ramen is 35 cents./I was sooooooo embarrassed. I only had 33 cents. I (please don’t laugh) put the money on the counter and quickly attempted to dash out the door with my chicken-flavored salt noodles” (19).”

It is difficult not to sympathize with Nissel during her tribulations.  Her humor sheds light on the situation, reminding us all that everyone goes through those times at some point in life. Nissel writes with the sick humor that many college students acquire to survive the collegiate years, and the way she creatively conveys the range of side effects that come with financial hardship make this such an enjoyable read.  My faves include:

Sadness that can lead to temporary depression:

This is my own personal Great Depression” (82).

Anger:

“Today was…one of those days you get mad at homeless people for assuming you have money to give them” (18).

Apathy:

“I found some really good books on job-hunting at the bookstore today./Too bad I can’t afford any of them until I get a job”(151).

Glimpses of hope:

“I’m becoming so used to my car breaking down that it’s routine. I don’t get sad when she breaks down, I just get happy when she starts” (122).

Desperation:

“Please-let-there-be-enough-for-one-serving-of-grits-please-let-there-be-enough-for-one-serving-of-grits. I chant this in my head like a sacred mantra./I open the tube top and peer in./A grit stares back at me…I have never seen a solitary grit in my life” (21).

Rationalization:

“The universe knows the difference between good stealing and bad stealing” (163).

Pride:

“All of this is just making me a better hustler” (32).

Delusion:

“I am so broke today I am going to knock out my own tooth and hope the Tooth Fairy is down for adults”(103).

Joy that comes from the smallest but highly significant victories:

“I saw a sign today. The sign said ‘All Pants $2.’/The sign was hanging off of a rack of clothes outside of the local dry-cleaning place./Well, guess what—I finally got my pants out of the dry cleaner today! They were on the $2 rack! They would have cost me $9 to get out the regular way! Woohoo! I missed my pants” (23).

The good news is that Angela Nissel’sbroke days are now fictional. Not only a best-selling author of the Broke Diaries and Mixed: My Life in Black and White, Nissel also combines her degree in medical anthropology from University of Pennsylvania and writing humor as a co-executive producer of the medical sitcom Scrubs. You may also recognize her as the undercover dater from The Tyra Show.

I highly recommend this book to any college student who needs a break from the textbooks. The Broke Diaries is an easy and entertaining read, sure to make you laugh out loud and lighten the stress of your financial load, even if just for a moment.

~ Lady D.

We all know Robin Givens as the beautiful actress who has appeared on The Cosby Show, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, in Boomerang, and the Off-Broadway production of The Vagina Monologues, just to name a few, but in her book Grace Will Lead Me Home, we are introduced to a young and naïve Robin Givens who falls victim to an abusive marriage to boxing champ Mike Tyson.

Givens guides us through her family tree and reveals the curse of domestic abuse that trickled down through the generations, from her grandmother and mother’s battle to her very own fight. Retelling stories that must have passed from generation to generation, Givens vividly depicts events that occurred before she was even born. She recounts her foremothers’ strength for leaving their abusive lovers with admiration and utter respect. As we are introduced to young Robin, amidst the nostalgic childhood memories she recreates with stories of her family, we witness the recurring cycle of an unfulfilling relationship with a father and the false fulfillment of a dysfunctional relationship.

Givens describes her early days with Michael (as she calls him) with the blissful innocence they shared as a young couple. But the tale quickly turns to terror. With the first blow, your heart stops with shock, and with every blow thereafter, your heart sinks as you imagine the heavyweight champion fighting an unfair fight with his petite and unsuspecting opponent. With each page, you feel anxious and dread for what is to come but you also feel a growing discomfort at the familiarity of her deep-seated desire to just enjoy what you know is not completely right. As she walks us through the roller coaster of her relationship, she elegantly constructs the story to convey the competing danger and innocence of each moment she and Michael spent together.

The moments get progressively worse to the point where she goes numb, and we lose Robin, and it is as if someone else is writing the story for her. Through her story, Givens allows us an outside perspective that one cannot see when lost in the situation. We can see, through a spectator’s perspective, how foolish thoughts and choices can be when clouded by the bliss.

We are witness to Givens reliving some of her lowest points in her life, but we also witness her beautiful restoration, in which she finds her spirit strengthened. While it may be difficult to read at times, Robin Givens shares a victory that will undoubtedly help another young woman conquer an abusive relationship.

Domestic abuse remains a very serious issue, and it is important that we educate ourselves on the matter and prevent it in any way we can. According to helpguide.org domestic abuse “occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person [sometimes using] fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you.”

The National Domestic Violence Hotline website shares several statistics:

• 1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.[1]
• 1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. Abused girls are significantly more likely to get involved in other risky behaviors. They are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide.[2]

• According to the CDC Adverse Health Conditions and Health Risk Behaviors Associated with Intimate Partner Violence – United States 2005, each year, IPV results in an estimated 1,200 deaths and 2 million injuries among women…

Be aware of the warning signs.

Bottom line: I’m not implying that all unhappy situations will result in domestic abuse, but if you are unhappy, you need to reevaluate the relationship. Trust your gut.

There are ample resources for information and support:

helpguide.org; endabuse.org; National Domestic Violence Hotline (800.799.7233)

You may have seen her on Oprah, or you may have read one of her earlier books: The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke and The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom, just to name a few. In case you haven’t, Suze Orman has continued to enlighten millions of women through her books, online columns, motivational speaking, and television and radio show. In her newest book, Women and Money, Orman shares the humble beginnings of a Suze very contrary to the Suze Orman we know today: the embarrassment of a speech impediment that restricted her to the bottom of her class and haunted her until she left college prematurely because of an unfulfilled language class requirement. While working as a waitress she later conquered her fear and earned her degree. With dreams of starting her own business, after asking her parents who could not help her financially, she lost a $50,000 investment under faulty advice. With a new fire of determination, she started working the very same establishment where she lost her money and sued them. Consistent with her teaching, Suze Orman has “[rewritten] the story history has handed [her]” (28).

Through Women and Money, Orman teaches Finances 101, not only enlightening women about their financial matters but also empowering them to take control of their finances. Orman first exterminates destructive attitudes and practices that women are guilty of, for example, always putting others before themselves. Historically women have maintained a passive relationship with money, but in a time when single mothers, divorces and widows prevail, it is essential for women to assert power in their own finances. She then instills the attitude of a wealthy woman, listing 8 qualities every wealthy woman displays: “A wealthy woman absolutely has money, but she also has happiness, courage, balance, and harmony. A wealthy woman is generous, clean, wise, and therefore beautiful” (45).

With the 5-month Save Yourself Plan Orman assigns hands-on exercises that should not only help you steer your current financial situation in the right direction but will also provide damage control for what is to come. While it may not all seem immediately relevant to those of us without homes and children, it is great to become familiar with the information and prepared for when the time does arise. Not only does she give great recommendations of where to seek guidance, like bankrate.com, she also provides supplemental information on her website for those at the head of the class.

Although Orman delicately explains each topic, she certainly uses tough love, sternly emphasizing the importance of the lesson. She acknowledges that financial repair is neither easy nor instantaneous. She holds your hand through the first steps and equips you with a final review before pushing you off into the ultimate test of applying the lessons to achieve financial prowess.

Suze in many ways is right, not all women, but most women do tend to have a dysfunctional relationship when it comes to dealing with their money. I finished this book with a clearer understanding of why myself and many of my friends need to manage our financial responsibilities in a whole new way. Below are important tips that Suze gives readers to help them have a better relationship with their money;

1. Know Your Worth!

Being overworked and underpaid is not acceptable for anyone. Ms. Orman points out that woman tend to ask and receive much less than men do in salary requirements. She advises that you consistently keep up a list of all the accomplishments you’ve made at work and present them to your boss every year. It’s important that you are not afraid to speak up and know what your time and efforts are worth.

2. Cleanliness

Ms. Orman notes; “When you don’t know where your money is,” she notes, “when you have no filing system for your important documents, when you dive into your pocketbook to pull out crumpled bills, when your car looks like a garbage can, when your closets are filled with junk and clutter — I’m sorry, but you cannot possibly be a wealthy woman.” Ladies keep your money organized, have a file for every bill and document!

3. Save Yourself Plan

The “Save Yourself Plan” is a step-by-step plan of managing the financial basics of everyday life such as checking and savings accounts, must have documents, credit cards and credit scores and protecting your family and home. Ms.Orman emphasizes that it is important that you at least know how to do the basics of financial responsibilities yourself.

4. Get Rid of the “Bag Lady Syndrome!”

Ms. Orman points out that “more than 50 percent” of women suffer from “Bag Lady Syndrome,” a growing fear that one day they will end up homeless and are giving away their services at a discounted rate. The Bag Lady Syndrome includes a list of “uncomfortably familiar” scenarios of women asking for less than they deserve such as: the corporate executive who accepts a 3 percent raise when she deserves at least double that or the professional who bargains her own services for someone else’s services she doesn’t really need because she is afraid of hurting that persons feelings.

5. The 8 Qualities of a Wealth Woman

The most important lesson Ms.Orman gives in the book is for women to remember to apply eight specific qualities when it comes to dealing with their personal finances; again they are: Harmony, Balance, Courage, Generosity, Happiness, Wisdom, Beauty, and Cleanliness. If you remember these eight qualities along with the other tips above your financial future will be guaranteed to be bright!

-Lady D & Mia

In Get Yours! The Girlfriends’ Guide to Having Everything You Ever Dreamed of and More, Amy DuBois Barnett provides just that. She creates the quintessential handbook that steers young women through life’s critical transitions. With personal anecdotes and interviews with some of our favorite celebrities, including Sanaa Lathan, Kelly Rowland, and India.Arie, Barnett emphasizes discovering the beautiful woman inside of you and allowing her to shine through every aspect of your life.Barnett addresses every major aspect of a young woman’s life from attracting positive friends to zealously pursuing your career. The text opens with a chapter dedicated to simply finding happiness, which remains the underlying theme. The author emphasizes the importance of finding what makes you truly happy. In sharing her own path to happiness, Barnett discloses her gripping experience of losing her mother but also reveals how her loss forced her to find herself.

This girlfriend’s guide answers many of the questions we have struggled with: how to grab your dream job; how to turn your house (or apartment, or even room) into a space that makes you feel good; how to become financially independent; how to find your personal style. She promotes getting healthy the happy way, without the taboo and stress of abusive diets. She also challenges the reader to reach beyond her comfort zone and to use fear as a motivator rather than an inhibitor. Yes, ladies she even offers advice on relationships. She concludes the book with a chapter on spirituality. Endorsing no religion in particular, she encourages the reader to ground herself with an appreciation of not her existence but also the existence of the life that surrounds her.

Barnett presents her life as an open book as she candidly shares her less than glamorous moments—her dreadful high school style, countless bad boyfriends, divorce, her bummy New York apartment and awful first job, situations that we all experience but which she conquered to become the woman she is today. The reader can trust Barnett’s wisdom because her success serves as a living testament of the advice she shares. A Brown University alumna, member of well-known Black sorority, former Editor at Essence magazine, former Editor -in-Chief of Honey magazine, the first African American as head of a major consumer publication as Editor of Teen People, and happy wife and mother, her achievements speak for themselves. Sharing her own rags to riches story, her perseverance serves as an even greater inspiration than the tips she shares.

Barnett’s approach to the text makes this not just an informative but also an effortless read. She includes quizzes to personalize the message and promise pages at the end of each chapter to help each reader take active steps in applying the wisdom shared. Barnett also enlists the support of well respected celebrities—Kelis shares her bold approach to her personal style and India.Arie conveys her take on spirituality, just to name a few. This book is well worth your while to read, and you will become a better person because of it. Living as an example that we can all admire, Barnett shares information to help us get there ourselves. Grab a pencil because you will want to take notes, take the quizzes and complete the promise pages in each chapter. By the end of it, you’ll trust her as if she really is one of your girlfriends.

The take home message: It’s about you and what you want. Go get it.