What is it gonna take for us to take domestic violence seriously?  So today Beat Her Down Chris Brown issued a truly pathetic (and heavily scripted) apology to his fans.   It’s too lame for me to post it on my site, but you can watch it here. Why so late, his lawyer advised him not to. I’m sure.  So Chris Brown is looking all solemn and we’re just supposed to forgive him and carry on.

Apparently a lot of women, some with daughters have.  Man on twitter, I’m about to lose my mind.  Women saying “He’s just a kid!” (18 is an adult).  Why should one accident ruin his career? Because that “accident” nearly killed someone and because he’s a role model to some kids.  I mean, are we for real?  Why are Black women the loudest ones calling for us to be calm and forgiving to a man who will choke you out and leave you in an abandoned car?  Why are we forgiving a dude who’s rocking a big chain that says “oops” on it?  Be for real,  he’s not sorry.  He hasn’t changed.  He most likely will beat down another woman.  And some of ya’ll will still be crying for patience and forgiveness.

He talked to his pastor and his mother.  That doesn’t sound like the heavy duty counseling your abusive self needs to go to.  That’s not going to change your mindset and calm whatever rage you have inside of you.

It just makes no sense.  What do you think?

</rant>

peace,
e.

Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of what it really means to love yourself. Especially, if your in a situation where you’re constantly giving to another person. Whether it is because you are a parent, a wife, a caregiver or what have you; it may be difficult to find time to really love yourself the way that you should. What does it really mean to love yourself? Is it about making yourself a cup of hot chocolate when you’re cold? Is it about buying yourself a new dress when you feel like it? Is it doing whatever you want when you want it? Is it about putting warm clothes on when it’s freezing outside? I see the statement, ‘you must first love yourself….’ alot, but there is not enough emphasis on how to really do that.

Love is such a loaded word that many people define differently. Traditionally, love is defined as having a deep affection or feeling of devotion. But to truly be in love with thyself goes beyond caring for your basic needs. It means to empathize completely; to understand and identify with yourself; to accept yourself as you are and to come to terms with those aspects of yourself that you cannot change. It by no means encourages arrogance or feelings of conceit but this kind of love is about recognizing your self worth and those things that make you uniquely fabulous.

Doing these things means first taking a self inventory. You’re probably thinking, what does taking inventory mean? Well, it means acknowledging both your strengths and your weaknesses and not only embracing them but also finding ways to develop those talents that make you great and finding the resources to strengthen those things that tear you down. It’s ok accept that nose that you think may be too big for your face. Embrace that! You were born with it and therefore cannot change it. Know that with all your imperfections, those are the same things that makes you fly, fierce and fabulous.

Taking self inventory also means forgiving yourself for things you’ve done in the past by letting go of yesterday and look towards tomorrow. It means that it’s okay to take a moment for yourself. Now, this is an area that most women struggle with. Personally, I find it easier and more natural to make sure everyone else is fed, hydrated and clothed. But when it comes to myself, remembering to eat dinner can sometimes be a chore. I have realized that I dont take enough time to myself to do those things that makes me happy. That is essential. Finding time for your own happiness is key in learning to truly be in love with you. Oftentimes, we hear we cannot properly love another without loving ourselves but lets extend that – we cannot properly exist without learning to first take time to embrace our uniqueness and nurture our passions.

A great way to do this is to court yourself. Treat yourself the way you would want to be treated by someone you hope will fall in love with you. If you like art, go to a gallery. If you like to cook, find a new recipe and try it out. If you like to write, buy a new journal and pen your thoughts. Whatever it may be do it! Even if you dont have anyone to do it with you, go anyway.  The idea is for you to get to know yourself and understand the things that you like and make you happiest. In the end, you will find that you are able to smile more, laugh more, live fruitfully and pay more attention to the small things in life that before may have gone unnoticed.

If you find it difficult to begin on this journey of falling in love with yourself, just remember that any good love takes time. Give yourself the time you deserve to establish a love for yourself that will last a lifetime. You don’t want a one night stand with yourself, you want an enchanted and eternal love. After all, regardless of who you may end up with, which professional road you may travel, or which zipcode you reside in – at the end of the day, you will still be you. And that you deserves to be loved, pampered and nurtured. So, if you only do one thing for yourself today – let it be to make a commitment to fall in love with the wonderfully fabulous YOU!

Greetings SASSY women (and men)!! This time of year seems to be the busiest for most people and oftentimes, the monotony of our busy lives can sometimes lead us very little time to stop and “smell the roses.”  I was recently reminded of this when a few weekends ago, I was momentarily relieved of my responsibilities and told to “Go Relax!” and “Find something to do!”  Now, being a young woman in her mid-twenties, I would love to say that despite the chaos I sometimes call my life; I know how to kick back and relax.  But not true.

At a time when I should’ve been calling up the closest girlfriend, throwing on my cutest pair of skinny jeans and stilettos and getting my SASSY on, I was standing there dumbfounded trying to figure out what exactly I could do with myself that would allow me to say, “Yes, I got some rest” or “I (insert activity here) and relaxed a bit.”  But, somewhere along the line, I’ve forgotten how to REALLY relax and since this discovery, I’ve been on a quest to figure out what I can do to re-learn how to gain some moments of genuine relaxation in my life amongst all the ripping and running I do on the daily.

The word ‘relax’ means to seek rest or recreation; to become less tense; to cast off social restraint, nervous tension or anxiety.  My life seems to be the exact opposite of all those things.  I tend to stay tense, restrained, and anxious about getting the next thing done, often worrying about that next thing while doing my present thing.  But did you know that the body was not designed to effectively handle multiple stresses at the same time?  So when we overload ourselves with activities and thoughts, our body reacts by making us increasingly fatigued and weakening our immune system, making us more susceptible to colds and infections.

This is why it is important to find time to relax because relaxation helps to keep our stress levels down, and consequently improves our health.  Too little relaxation can result in mental health problems, memory failure and even heart attack – and none of us want that.  By taking time to pamper our minds   gives our bodies that natural rejuvenation it needs to keep us healthy.

In my quest to re-define my ideas of relaxation, I’ve formulated this list of easy to do things you can do to relax. And if you’re a person who finds it hard to relax or have to come to realize that your mind often wanders when you attempt to relax, this list is for you, my SASSY sisters (and brothers).

1. Indulge in a hot bubble bath. Just a 30 minute soak in a warm bubble bath will help you feel relaxed and lighten your mind.  Warm water loosens up muscles, so it’s a great way to feel pampered without doing a lot.  It will also deepen respiration and take any tension away from your body.  So break out your most aromatic candles and bath salts and soak away.
2. Relax with some soothing music. Oftentimes, putting on a good CD, being still and listening has helped ease some relaxation into my day.  Additionally, it is a known fact that music that has a tempo of 60 beats/minute works in harmony with the human heartbeat, and therefore creates a relaxing effect.  It slows down the heart rate, breathing rate and thinking rate, and lets you relax into deep levels of rest.
3. Learn the power of the word “No”.  This one is fairly simple.  If you are constantly bombarded with additional tasks that would cause your life to become more hectic than it is, just say “NO!” to these things.  Be selfish occasionally, the world can go on without you; someone else CAN baby-sit or drive your parents somewhere.  The meeting can wait and the garden/washing/house work can wait too.
4. Go For A Drive – Now this one isn’t for everyone, as some people cannot relax when they are driving.  But if you like to drive ( like I do ), drive somewhere pretty, stop the car and sit and look at the surrounding nature.  You’ll become one with yourself, your environment and free your mind of its stress.
5. Get a massage. Massage techniques are known to cause states of deep relaxation.  As the muscles loosen, the mind releases and lulls you into a state of peace.  Do some research in your city and find a spa that offers affordable massages.  Often you may find that a Swedish massage can run less than $50 if you’re willing to splurge.  Or if your boo’d up, ask them to come over and loosen those muscles for free.
6. Take a nap. Sleep forces our bodies to find states of natural relaxation.  By lying on your back, your muscles relax on their own, allowing you to let go of some of the tension without even trying.  Make sure that you nap without the TV or radio on, as this will force the mind to continue to be active and you’ll absorb those sounds into your psyche – causing you to never enter the REM stage of sleep.

Other things you may want to try: yoga, pilates or deep breathing techniques.

I hope you’ll be inspired by my list to take some time to relax by adopting some of these things or by creating your own imaginative ways to include moments of relaxation in your day.  Share with me in the comments what you SASSY folks do to relax both daily and when you have free time to partake in more lengthy relaxation activities.  If you do nothing today, take a moment to relax!!
Yours in SASSiness and relaxation,
Mignon

So Pope Benedict XVI is in Africa this week and is maintaing the Vatican’s strict no condom policy.  I really don’t understand the research the Vatican has used to come up with a policy that does exactly the opposite of what it is supposed to.  Abistence only programming has been shown to be ineffictive.  In an age where people are having sex at a younger age, when partners are not being monogamous, when partners are not being honest, condoms seems like the best solution we have to fight AIDS.  For the Pope to go to Africa, especially sub-Sahara Africa, and continue to condemn condom use is completely irresponsible. I truly hope the Pope, the Vatican and the Catholic Church can really get with the times and stop living in the fantasy past.