Ok book club is back!  So sorry for the delay.  This month we will be reading Ramit Sethi’s I Will Teach You To Be Rich(yes from the blog with the same name).  Very informative, very practical.  This book will teach how to get your money in order in 6 weeks, you really could do this in a week, but he gives you time to get your ish together.

Check it out and let’s discuss on September 18.

peace,
e.

Recent grads check out this (free) e-book by Charlie Hoehn on how to be recession proof and land a job in this crappy economy.  Recession Proof Graduate is 30 pages of thinking outside the box for landing a job, and not just any job, a job you actually like.   What he recommends actually working, putting yourself out there and capitalizing on skills you currently have.  It feels very much like a prequel to The 4-Hour Workweek (I promise I will review this book soon b/c it really changed the way I work and will work in the future).  It’s 30 pages, but a crazy big font, I read it over breakfast.

Read it and tell me what you think.

peace,
e.

(via Iwillteachyoutoberich.com, yes I read everything Ramit tells me to)

Greetings, SASSY family!  I hope that this finds all of you well.  Over the past few months, there has been a tremendous amount of buzz about Steve Harvey’s #1 New York Times Bestseller “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”.  So much buzz that Tuesday marked his second appearance on Oprah since the book’s recent release.   Congratulations and thank you to Steve for sharing this much needed information with the women of the world.  Although I can write and talk about the subject of relationships non-stop, I’ll briefly share my thoughts and the insight that I’ve gained from this book.  I may get some flack for this, but such is life.   And I promise I won’t spoil it for those who’ve yet to read the book.

In my opinion, most women (including myself) have had a hard time receiving the type of relationships and men that we desire because:

1. We don’t take enough time to figure out who we are and what we truly want;
2. What we decide we want is usually based on some outside person or force;
3. We’re in too much of a rush to become a wife and/or mother;
4. We’re slowly losing our ability to partner and support and are becoming more controlling, and
5. We are sometimes delusional, emotional creatures who don’t rely on logic enough.

In the chapter entitled “Men Respect Standards – Get Some”, Steve offers guidance on how to determine exactly what it is we are looking for in men and relationships.  And once we figure that out, we’ve got to stick to it and use that to teach men how to treat us.  Also, don’t just pass out the answers to the test to every man.  Give him the chance to prove that he’s an individual who can think and act on his own.  Slow down.  Be easy.  Do you want to get it done quickly or get it done correctly?

If we spend the majority of our time making the mad dash to the altar and delivery room, jumping from relationship to relationship attempting to train and please every man that comes our way, then how do we have time to get to know ourselves and what our likes, dislikes, and desires are?  And when we aren’t in relationships, we spend loads of time with our girlfriends who are in the same boat.  We have discussions that appease, console and patch up wounds but don’t always help us learn and grow from our experiences because we rarely call our girls out.  Ask YOURSELF questions.  Spend time ALONE, and SIT IN SILENCE more. Otherwise we are always dealing with people and their issues instead our own.  When you take in too many people’s energies and opinions, you risk losing your own energy and opinion.  I promise this will make you a stronger person.

But there’s the issue of women who are too strong, so what of the fine line between strength and independence and being perceived as strong but overbearing?  Take a (long) gander at the chapter entitled “Strong, Independent – Lonely – Women” for Steve’s tips and advice.  There is an art to being a strong, independent woman without overpowering or attempting to control or change our partners.  We must remember what men (not boys) are looking to do for us:  profess their love for us and who we are to them, provide for us, and protect us.  If we present ourselves as men in women’s bodies who can do everything for ourselves and already have everything, then men do not feel needed and believe that there is nothing they can provide for us.  I understand (actually all too well) that it is difficult for most women because we have to serve as both the man and the woman in our households.  We oftentimes get mixed up mentally and emotionally and unintentionally take ourselves out of “the game”.  It’s ok to be a strong woman who knows what she wants and where she wants to go, but it does NOT behoove us to lose our femininity in the process.  After all, this is what draws men to us.

Lastly, I will touch on our moments of female “delusions of grandeur”.  We often allow ourselves to be driven by emotion more than by our God-given logic.  We actually think that we can concoct a formula to change men and put them on our timeline and program.  And this is where the catastrophe starts and the relationship ends.  If we spend more time understanding men, how men think and function, and what drives them instead of how to get them to do what we want them to do, then our lives would be so much easier.   The first eight chapters of Steve’s book give us a view into the minds of men.  According to Steve, men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make, and until they have achieved their goals in all of those areas, men will not allot much time to focus on developing serious relationships with women.

That said, let’s approach this differently, ladies!!  Let go of some of the emotion and melodrama.  Cut the orchestra music, and let’s get real with ourselves.  You know when a man is interested or not.  You know whether he’s spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially stable enough to be a potential spouse.  You know whether your requirements and standards (get some) are being met.  You know whether he treats you like someone who’s going to serve a short-term or long-term role in his life.  FOLLOW YOUR GUT (not the gut of someone else).  Don’t sell yourself short!  Don’t count yourself out because you are approaching (or past) 30 years old.  Don’t stay in a subpar relationship because you are afraid to take a risk.  You will most likely meet someone better and also become a better person yourself Just remember to Act Like a Lady, and Think Like a Man.

Peace and blessings,
Quiana

Quiana‘s going to run book club this month (hip hip).  We are reading Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment.  We’ll discuss the book in two weeks.  You can buy it here.

In search of a book for our next book club reading, I couldn’t resist the urge to do the obvious: search “SASSY.” Much to my surprise, there were just too many appealing titles to choose from: books about everything from food to friendship and all that is sassy. I’ve composed a list to satisfy many of your sassy needs, my gift to you. Some may even make good Christmas gifts for your fellow twenty-somethings.

Advice

1.          Speaking Our Minds, Sage Advice From Sassy Women (Little Books (Andrews & McMeel) (Hardcover) by Andrews McMeel Publishing

2.           

Get On with It!: How to Be Sassy, Successful and Single by Sue Ostler

3.           

Sassy, Single,&Satisfied – Secrets to Loving the Life You’re Living by Michelle McKinney Hammond; (also by Hammond:The Sassy Girl’s Checklist for Living, Loving, and Overcoming, A Sassy Girl’s Guide to Loving God: Discovering the Ultimate Relationship)

4.            Sexy, Sassy, Singularly Happy : the savvy girl’s guide to enjoying the single life by Marivi Soliven Blanco

5.           

A Sassy Little Guide to Getting Over Him by Sandra Ann Miller and Michiko Stehrenberger

6.            30 Days to Finding and Keeping Sassy Sidekicks and BFFs: A Friendship Field Guide by Clea Hantman

Fiction

7.           

Sassy Sistahood Series: Made of Honor by Marilynn Griffith; If The Shoe Fits and Happily Even After

8.            Wild and Sassy by Cia Leah

According to the Amazon.com Product Description:

U.S. Marshall Clint Brandon vows to avenge the murder of his friend, Chuck McKenna.  What he doesn-t count on is falling in love with Chuck-s daughter, Sassy, at first glance.  Together, they stand side by side, fighting a ruthless man hell bent on taking Sassy and her ranch.

9.            SASSY by Valerie A. Howard

According to the Amazon.com Product Description:

Cecilia Richards is single, saved and sassy as her nickname implies. She is also an unapologetic know-it-all. Sassy has no problem pointing out the imperfections in others’ lives, including her best friend, Amber, who is involved in an illicit relationship with a married man, and her neighbor, Jayna, who has a deep, dark secret from her past. Sassy’s pristine world begins to crumble when her man, Darnell, finds fame and fortune more alluring, she falls out with both of her girlfriends, and her career as a top marketing executive is compromised. Can “Miss Perfect” get it together before she loses it all?

Cooking

10.        Sassy Sips & Nibbles by Emma Roberts

11.        

The Sassy Spoon: Fun With Food by Jennifer Colla

12.        

Going Wild in the Kitchen: The Fresh & Sassy Tastes of Vegetarian Cooking by Leslie Cerier

Has anyone read any of these books? If so, do tell.

Wowed by a quality cast: my all time favorite celebrity, Alicia Keys, Grammy Award winning Queen Latifah, Academy Award winning Jennifer Hudson and the childhood wonder Dakota Fanning, I was initially very excited by the trailers for The Secret Life of Bees. After all the anticipation, I couldn’t help but leave the theater slightly disappointed. I enjoyed the movie but was left wanting more. At several points in the movie my questions were left unanswered. But the story piqued my interest, and I had to explore it further in the book that the movie was based on.

Sue Monk Kidd constructs a story set in South Carolina in 1964 during the Civil Rights Movement at the height of racial tension. The contrast between blacks and whites is as pronounced as the text against the pages. Several other themes run throughout the text as well: father daughter relationships, motherly love, romantic love, forbidden love, women and religion.

Kidd develops and distinguishes each of the character’s complex stories: Lily Owens, whose story is more complicated than any average 14-year-old should have to deal with; and each of the Boatright sisters with their unique traits: August Boatright with the familiar wisdom of a mother, the tough charade of June Boatright and the burdened innocence of May Boatright.

Lily and her nanny Rosaleen run away from their troubles in their hometown and what they find in the pink house of the beekeeping Boatright sisters is where the story unfolds. The strength of this novel is the beautiful language that sets the scenes of this Southern home. The text is saturated with the sights, smells and sounds of Southern country that put you right in the story. The details strengthen the story, even the truth with which she paints the depths of pain that the characters suffer. Kidd combines the familiar and unfamiliar: portraying southern details that others can appreciate but introduces unique details that build a fantastical aspect of this story. Kidd presents the intricacies of bees in a way that could put one with apiphobia at ease.

Now that I have satisfied that yearn to read the novel, I’ve realized that the movie introduced us to this beautiful story but it is in the book that we are allowed to fully explore the depths of its beauty. Thankfully, the movie relayed the story without distorting it with creative liberations.

While reading the text, one question persisted: what made Sue Monk Kidd write this story that goes so deeply into the lives of these African American women? The book offers an interview with Kidd that gives insight to her motivation for the novel. The summer of 1964 stood out for her and changed her life. Even at her young age at the time she was aware of the racial injustices and this novel is her personal protest. Her memories of bees in her own home stemmed the theme that ran throughout the text. Even though she is content with Lily’s story as is, Kidd is toying with the idea of a much requested sequel.

To get this discussion started, here are a few discussion questions from the book along with a few of my own:

How do you think the movie compared to the novel?

The Boatright sisters, particularly August, and the Daughters of Mary remind me of women many of us have grown up with in church or in our families? Did they remind you of anyone specific in your life?

How do you feel about what happened to May?

How do you imagine Zach and Lily’s relationship if they had explored a romantic relationship?

How do you imagine Lily’s story continuing a few years down the line?

-Lady D

The Secret Life of Bees

Later this month we will discuss and if people in NYC are interested, we can go see the movie.

Presenting the Book Club book for October:

For those who have seen Russell Simmons in action, you cannot deny that he just is who he is at all times. Catching glimpses of him on Run’s House and seeing him firsthand at a book signing at Emory University, what I most appreciate is that Russell Simmons simply says what he thinks, with no apologies. From his casual demeanor one would not detect that he is a multimillion dollar mogul, as the co-founder of Def Jam Recordings, founder of Phat Farm, backbone of the hip hop pioneers Run DMC, among numerous other accomplishments, but his wisdom reveals a powerful and successful individual. What is even more admirable, Simmons is a selfless philanthropist, initiating tremendous efforts like Hip-Hop Summit Action Network and Rush Philanthropic Arts Foundation. Simmons is undoubtedly a hardworking man who is not often seen in the forefront of the celebrity limelight but is commonly acknowledged and always respected for his work that has propelled hip hop to what it is today.

Russell Simmons shares his wisdom from his years in the industry in his book Do you!: 12 Laws to Access the Power in You to Achieve Happiness and Success, which opens with a foreword by Donald Trump expressing his utmost respect for Mr. Simmons. With no false promises to provide a quick and easy 12-step plan to guaranteed success and no attempt to impress readers with forced scholarly jargon, Simmons simply shares his knowledge in 12 laws:

• See your Vision and Stick With It
• Always Do You
• Get Your Mind Right
• Stop Frontin’ and Start Today
• Never Less Than Your Best
• Surround Yourself With the Right People
• There Are No Failures, Only Quitters
• Science of Success: Plant the Good Seeds
• You Can Never Get Before You Give
• Successful People Stay Open to Change
• Be Powerful, Be Heard
• Spit Truth to Power

He reiterates simple concepts that we have learned but neglected and draws attention to those that lay the foundation for a mentality for success. With a voice that has already gained tremendous respect in the hip hop community, Russell Simmons speaks directly to an audience who may not have otherwise been granted this information as plainly and clearly as Simmons presents it. He shares stories from his career, making references that our generation can certainly relate to. He shares his lessons learned with humility but shares his wisdom with bold messages. Be forewarned that there may be many times when you are inclined to put the book down and run out to pursue your dreams immediately.

Russell Simmons draws from various sources of inspiration, some of which may be foreign, but please do not let that deter you from the overall messages. Simply continuing reading and take from it what you will. You may not agree with it all but at the end you will be equipped with a mentality set for success. His passion is contagious, and his message is inspirational. Not only does he build the foundation of a success driven mindset but he also ignites the passion within you until it is ready to burst out of you to pursue your dream whatever it may be. This is certainly a book you can read time and time again to discover new lessons or rekindle sparks once felt.

Do You yall!

Every college student and graduate, shoot, almost every person, can attest to their personal financial woes, particularly those during the college years. Well, Angela Nissel recorded hers and shares them in her blog-turned-book, The Broke Diaries: The Completely True and Hilarious Misadventures of a Good Girl Gone Broke. Nissel recounts the all too familiar stories that many of us have our very own versions of, including the first check cashing encounter and a Greyhound horror story. Nissel should have received extra credit for her creative solutions as she dances with the fine line between creative and criminal solutions to financial woes: “The Top Ramen is 35 cents./I was sooooooo embarrassed. I only had 33 cents. I (please don’t laugh) put the money on the counter and quickly attempted to dash out the door with my chicken-flavored salt noodles” (19).”

It is difficult not to sympathize with Nissel during her tribulations.  Her humor sheds light on the situation, reminding us all that everyone goes through those times at some point in life. Nissel writes with the sick humor that many college students acquire to survive the collegiate years, and the way she creatively conveys the range of side effects that come with financial hardship make this such an enjoyable read.  My faves include:

Sadness that can lead to temporary depression:

This is my own personal Great Depression” (82).

Anger:

“Today was…one of those days you get mad at homeless people for assuming you have money to give them” (18).

Apathy:

“I found some really good books on job-hunting at the bookstore today./Too bad I can’t afford any of them until I get a job”(151).

Glimpses of hope:

“I’m becoming so used to my car breaking down that it’s routine. I don’t get sad when she breaks down, I just get happy when she starts” (122).

Desperation:

“Please-let-there-be-enough-for-one-serving-of-grits-please-let-there-be-enough-for-one-serving-of-grits. I chant this in my head like a sacred mantra./I open the tube top and peer in./A grit stares back at me…I have never seen a solitary grit in my life” (21).

Rationalization:

“The universe knows the difference between good stealing and bad stealing” (163).

Pride:

“All of this is just making me a better hustler” (32).

Delusion:

“I am so broke today I am going to knock out my own tooth and hope the Tooth Fairy is down for adults”(103).

Joy that comes from the smallest but highly significant victories:

“I saw a sign today. The sign said ‘All Pants $2.’/The sign was hanging off of a rack of clothes outside of the local dry-cleaning place./Well, guess what—I finally got my pants out of the dry cleaner today! They were on the $2 rack! They would have cost me $9 to get out the regular way! Woohoo! I missed my pants” (23).

The good news is that Angela Nissel’sbroke days are now fictional. Not only a best-selling author of the Broke Diaries and Mixed: My Life in Black and White, Nissel also combines her degree in medical anthropology from University of Pennsylvania and writing humor as a co-executive producer of the medical sitcom Scrubs. You may also recognize her as the undercover dater from The Tyra Show.

I highly recommend this book to any college student who needs a break from the textbooks. The Broke Diaries is an easy and entertaining read, sure to make you laugh out loud and lighten the stress of your financial load, even if just for a moment.

~ Lady D.

This month we will be reading The Broke Diaries: The True and Hillarious Misadventures of a Good Girl Gone Broke, by Angela Nissel. Pick it up and get ready to discuss.