why Usher’s fans weren’t digging Tameka Foster (Raymond)? Yesterday, she took to the Huffington Post and wrote a post entitled “She’s Pretty for a Dark-Skinned Girl…“. Now in my opinion, she’s already expressed these feelings to the media, but I guess with the impending divorce and recovering from her almost lethal plastic surgery, she wants to reiterate her point.
I am a dark-skinned African American woman with features that reflect my ancestry. Debates regarding Light vs. Dark and other biases have plagued our race for years and continues to impact millions of Black women. The deeply rooted intra-racial contempt that lies beneath this inane “compliment” is the reason I’ve chosen to spark dialogue surrounding the topic of self-hatred in our culture. It saturates every aspect of our lives, dominating the perspectives of our generation as a whole. We culturally are so influential, at times inadvertently, that we affect all with the words we utter and the images we portray. It lends to the theory of systemic racism. I’m authoring this piece because I’m miffed by this reality and would like to share my views on these subjects.
In fact, I have read similar comments about myself that I am “dark, aggressive, bossy and bitchy.” It has been stated that my husband should have been with a “younger, more beautiful” woman. Astoundingly, the majority of the remarks come from African-American women and are mimicked by others. Sadly enough, I don’t know nor have I met 99% of those making these assertions. Funny, how we can judge another without having personally seen, interacted with or experienced a person’s character.
Now she has many good points, people did say he should be with a younger and prettier woman. And I’m sure a huge chunk of these critics were Black. And people still give Michelle Obama grief over… well just about everything. We already know that we struggle with colorism in the community. We already know the stereotypes we hold about each other. So I’m lost as to the point of this essay. It isn’t groundbreaking, doesn’t really add anything to the conversation and doesn’t give the reader any new insight into who Tameka Foster is.
Now is skin color the really real reason Usher fans weren’t feeling her and the bloggers (oh the bloggers) came after her? I highly doubt it. If you all remember, Usher’s mom was not feeling her and was vocal about it. Then Usher fired his momager and his fans weren’t having that. Then there was speculation that she was the reason he broke up with Chilli (and she is not much lighter than Tameka and everyone loved them together). And becuase their relationship was pretty unusual – older (nonfamous) woman with 3 kids marries supstar? It was suspect. Plus, these teeny boopers don’t want to see their beloved Usher married to anyone, the hate was inevitable.
What do you SASSY ladies think?
peace,
e.
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When a man chooses a mate, the reason he does is between him and that person. If the love is strong, it does not matter what others think. It the man is strong, it does not matter to him what others think. If the woman is strong, it does not matter to her what others think. What matters is what each of them think. Usher knew this woman before he married her. It was his choice. She was older, dark and whatever when he chose and professed his love for her. I was rooting for them because of how HE spoke of her and their relationship. I was sad to hear they were getting divorced.
Not everyone‘s mama loves the person their child chooses to love. Does that make it a wrong choice? People have to find happiness where they can. Usher said he “retired” his mom, not fired her. He said her supports her. If she really was a player, she would have had other clients. People leave their managers all the time for many different reasons. Because it is your mom does that mean you have to stay with her forever, even if you want to go in a different direction? (MJ left his dad, Joe).
We have to get over the race thing, the age thing, the color thing etc. and let people find happiness and love in all sizes, ages, colors, shapes, beliefs, etc.
I think its great that Tameka Foster vocalized her feelings of resentment about the way she was treated in the media, specifically by other black people. Certainly we are aware of colorism within our community but it is meaningful for someone who is negatively affected by it to address it in an intelligent and thoughtful manner. In doing so she refutes the very stereotype, which is that she’s dark and therefore mean and ignorant, that she is sadly characterized by.
Why shouldn’t she speak out against these negative attitudes and behaviors? Is she not allowed to share her feelings because she is black and therefore incapable of viewing our community objectively? As a light-skinned black woman, I am not threatened by her voicing her grievance with our internal racism and over valuation of whiter looking black women. I appreciate her coming forward to share her experiences and I hope it brings about meaningful dialogue.
Not since Spike Lee’s “School Daze”, do I recall there being such an open unguarded examination of not just the phenomenon of colorism, but the damage it causes to black women who look “too black”.
I don’t quite understand why anyone would dismiss Tameka’s account of her ordeal as she is the one who lived it so clearly no one would know better than she, what factor caused her the most distress.
Do you doubt that colorism does indeed exist within our and other racial and ethnic groups, and that it generally affects darker women negatively by diminishing their value and attributing bad behaviors to them? If you don’t, why then would you question Tameka’s own personal observations and even her intention in writing the article?
Tameka presented the reasons for the beatdown she took in the media. However, for those same reasons, she is socially marginalized thus her opinions are subject to scrutiny and in this case denial.
By your own admission you acknowledge that her having children and being older than Usher render her less than desirable and or worthy to be his mate. Yet, mentioning that his mom didn’t approve of her is a weak claim to her “unworthy-ness” because wives not getting along with mothers-in-law is not new or unique to the Raymonds.
I appreciate the question you put forth in the title of the post, “But is skin color the reason…”. Your subsequent response to that question however doesn’t present the topic in an engaging manner and comes across as dismissive with a sense that the derogatory public opinion of Tameka based on her dark skin tone, age and family status, is sufficient to challenge then dismiss her very personal position on intra-racial colorism.
thanks for your comments ladies.
candance, my intention wasn’t to be dismissive of her experience, but as you said, we are all aware of colorism. we have heard all of this a million times before. I just didn’t see what her post was adding to the conversation. Maybe it wasn’t suppose to “do” anything; it didn’t occur to me that maybe she was (just) venting about her experience, which she is certainly free to do.
I don’t know about all of this colorism or intra-racial stuff – I’m a white guy. I dated a light-skinned black girl when I was younger back in the 90′s, some of the black guys said she was red-boned but I never really understood what they meant. Talking really deep with some of my friends and their wives/girlfriends was really the first time my eyes were opened that this existed. My take – the darkness or lightness or whiteness of your skin does not make a person hot or not. Look at this girl – she is beautiful with a million dollar smile. The media perpetuates what they think should be, not what we think is right or wrong. Unfortunately the media has so much influence on our youth’s perspective of how things should be – the subliminal messages are imprinted in their heads. Listen to the messages in songs and on TV, not just the words. Look at the magazine covers on the stands in the stores that bombard you with pictures of what “should be”. I have to shake my head sometimes wondering how our society functions at all. I don’t know the answer here to this light-skin or dark-skin thing, but what I do know is that there are some really beautiful women out there, being put down by themselves and others within and outside their own race. The real tragedy I see is two boys being raised in a split-up household.