cue background music – Bobby Valentino “I’ll Forgive You”
First I have to acknowledge that relationships are not easy. Relationships take two people who want to be in and KNOW what it takes to be in a relationship. I’ve dated, “talked to”, and laid down with many men (retired professional athletes, an ivy league professor, street pharmacists, biomedical engineers, designers (Urban Outfitters), Iraq veterans, MBAs and my current boo, I can’t stunt). I must also state that the dynamics surrounding my relationships are slightly different as I am a gay African American male and therefore not a woman of color. However, many of the dynamics in my relationships are the dynamics you face in your relationships. Many of the same issues that you’ve endlessly toiled over, cried about, asked Jesus about and your girlfriends about I have too!
I could tackle many issues in this first post, but I’m going to keep it simple. The following things need to be in place in order for things to go well in your current or ooops…next relationship.
- Be in a relationship with someone who is going to be as dedicated to it as you are.
- You must be loyal to your partner. (i.e, stick up for him in public, even if he is wrong! Give him your support all the time. At times when I’m critiquing I still find a way to lift my man up!)
- Never allow yourself to take a back seat to someone else, especially if you are really helping him (emotionally, financially, socially).
- Know your man’s friends!
- How you got him is how you gonna keep him. (i.e, if you fucked him on the first night, you’ll prolly do it again. It’s hard to turn a booty call into a relationship, you’re already at a loss and you’ve got to get your footing back by having a real date a.s.a.p. or else throw in the towel).
- Know your self worth!
- You gotta give sometimes (i.e, you hate WWF wrestling or his friends who smoke weed, girl learn to get on with the Rock and Hulk Hogan. And the puff friends, as long as they aren’t interfering in your relationship…leave them alone. Friends can fuck your shit up!)
- AGAIN, uplift your man! (i.e “Ahmed, you are some bullshit! You don’t even got a full time job, you working part time ain’t making no real money.” Girl, Ahmed don’t want to hear that shit. He know he is working fulltime and not making enough money. I promise. You pointing it out is not helping, it’s making him see that you are nagging the hell out of him and that he might want to find someone else who is chill and not fuckin nagging him about stuff.) SUPPORT SUPPORT SUPPORT your man.
- Be honest with yourself and know the situation! (Do you want your man more than he wants you? Are you fighting to make the relationship work at every turn? Are you nitpicky about too many things?)
- You can’t change nobody! (Self explanatory, but I’ll elaborate. Think about how hard if it to change things within yourself, like going to the gym, dieting, keeping up with friends, telling the truth, saving money, etc. NOW think how hard it would be to change those things in someone else…who really isn’t ready or doesn’t want to change. Moreover, apart from the transformation process in relapse he might be a mess now but by time her gets to girlfriend # 5 he might be ok. You gonna stick it out? Or you gonna go? Also he might not change, and he could relapse on #5 as well.)
- Do ya’ll have the same goals? (Where do you think it is going? How do you know?)
- Do you talk to your man? Does the relationship only consist of texts and emoticons? Umm we have a problem!
- If it’s serious you don’t have to ask your man to stop chatting with hoes or playing games. Why? Because he’ll stop because he will be content with you.
- Having an ex present is not the business and it is a detriment to your relationship. If he loves that ex more, you will know!
- No point in having a partner if you don’t have yourself! Other people can see that you’re lost, not grown or not on their level very quickly.
- Does this person make you feel whole, make you feel better? A good partner will know your needs, because they pay attention to you! A man who loves you knows your needs! PRAISE GOD!
- Are you proud of your partner? Is he proud of you?
- You say you want a bad bitch….Are you a bad bitch? You want him to be to have a car, know how to fix stuff, be educated, in shape, etc? Can you be what he asks? Can you cook? Are you in shape? Are you sociable? Are you someone he would want to introduce to his friend? (ALL OF THEM) That’s a bad bitch to him!
- Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be with that one!
- Work on making yourself better and I promise, you’ll have more options!
- Are you settling? (DAMN, soo deep I can’t even go there in this post!)
- Oh yea…KNOW YOUR FIELD! Who is your competition? What do you have that they don’t? I live in New York, I’m pretty much fly 85 percent of the time and like 95 percent of the time when I see my boo. He knows what I look like in the morning, but he sees that the least and the flyness the most!
- What was his last serious relationship like? If you can, find out. The results might surprise you!
That’s all for now. Please send love and hate mail to Eva, she’ll get it to me.
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