What’s the deal with He’s Just Not that into You?
by Moira on February 10, 2009 · 3 comments
in misc.,Moira
Let me start by saying that I saw this movie yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed it. I had a tough week, needed a light movie, thought the cast was great, and was with a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile. All the makings of a good afternoon. While watching the movie, though, I had some thoughts about dating, and about women’s dating patterns specifically. (I really can’t speak to the men’s point of view in the movie. Any guys reading this should feel free to comment!) I am certainly not a dating expert, but it seems odd that the book, written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, has been translated into a happily-ever-after romantic comedy to end all romantic comedies. Note the title of the book is He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys. In true self-help style, it delivers a strong message to women to stop wasting our time wondering why guys haven’t called us and start looking for men who actually want to call us.
I walked away from the movie yesterday wondering why it is women tend to make excuses for men rather than just letting the ones who aren’t interested go and finding another guy who treats us as well as we deserve to be treated. I’m certainly not saying that all women do this, but I’ve definitely found myself in some of the traps described in the book and the film. I’ve waited for the phone to ring, checked my email over and over again. You get the idea. Anyway, what confused me, though, is how we went from self-help, brutal honesty to romantic comedy. Every single woman in the theater (and some guys too, I’ll bet) cheered at the end, when everybody lived happily ever after. Even with all the straight talk about not taking rejection personally, etc etc, is that what we all want? What do others think of this paradox?
Tagged as:
he's just not that into you,
movies,
relationships
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Good point in bringing up the clapping at the end bit.
I think that despite getting the cold hard truth about how some men feel about us, many of us clapped at the end because we chose to ignore the truth the same way we ignore the truth in our relationships and dating experiences. Even when the signs are crystal clear as day, we act like we don’t see it. GiGi didn’t want to believe that the guy wasn’t into her so she ignored the fact that he hadn’t called and continued to pursue him anyway. During the movie we evaded the truth and celebrated what we wanted to see, which was the happy ending.
I haven’t seen the movie yet (wasn’t really interested in seeing this one) but I think I agree with Jennifer’s point. I think that some women just fall into the “comfort zone” trap. The whole ‘any man is better than no man’ kind of thing, except if you are chasing someone then its more like just being stuck on making the first/only/that certain someone feel for you what you feel for them. Denial runs wild amongst us, and this could be with relationships or with dating. Bottom line, nobody should be “chasing” anybody in hopes of creating a relationship.
I was so conflicted about this movie. Every time someone asked me how it was I had to explain how I enjoyed it even though it made me upset. I loved the frank truth of the book and the beginning of the movie. But like Moira mentioned, the happily ever after still forced its way in there. It pretty much conflicted with that whole idea that “you are the rule not the exception.” By the end of the movie, the audience had one more example of an exception that led to love.
I highly recommend the book to all women. Once you grasp the concept of dismissing all of the half behind attempts, it is such a liberating and empowering feeling. And it saves so much time and energy!