1. Under no circumstances are you to call your brother-in-law’s girl a bitch at the dinner table. Learn from my mistakes, people!
Allow me to explain myself. I’m generally a nice, reserved, well-mannered person. However, I am also someone who will give you the honest truth… but ONLY when you ask for it. What I’ve learned in the last 3 years is that the holidays are NOT the time to provide honest truth. This is the time that you need to tell folks what they want to hear, or to just defer to silence if you can’t drum up the energy to make people feel good.
2. Under no circumstances should you drink your sorrow away should you become the victim of a wayward “bitch” thrown around at a dinner table. This just leads to crashed cars and DUIs.
Alcohol is not your friend, people. Let me tell you why: (1) it alters your judgment; (2) imbibing no doubt leads to moments of honesty that could have been avoided; and (3) police checkpoints are the rule, NOT the exception, from Thanksgiving until Jan. 2. If you have a problem with your Cousin Melissa, it’s best to just keep it cordial and then keep it moving… but whatever you do, don’t drown your sorrows.
3. Please do not discuss your ‘ethnic problems’ at your non-ethnic friends/families dinner tables.
Sorry, folks. No one wants to hear about the any of that. For clarification, ethnic problems include, but are not limited to- foreclosure, Ray Ray’s expulsion from school, missed Medical payments, your fight for child support, etc. It’s the holidays! People are trying to be festive (or at least get drunk enough to forget their problems to ‘act’ festive- but see #2 as a cautionary tale)… so they don’t need your Debbie Downer ass coming to their house with your black problems messing up their perfectly good holiday.
** Special note: Unemployment is excluded from this year’s ‘ethnic problems’ list as that mess is running rampant… so everyone’s fair game. The recession is the great equalizer.
4. Gifts: (a) No re-gifting, (b) No giving gifts without including gift receipts and; (c) No pretending you have a gift for someone when you see them on Christmas Eve and then buying and presenting it to them Dec. 27.
(a) This is the cardinal sin of cheapness. Those that do this usually do it for two reasons- to save on gift giving for someone else, and to get an unwanted item out of their house. Re-gifting something that someone else got you says more about you than about the person you are giving this hand-me-down gift to. It says that you don’t think much of the person who is receiving the gift, to the point that you couldn’t be bothered to put any thought, energy or cash into it. So why bother? Just give them a card… or a hug. Or nothing.
(b) Please don’t give someone a sweater with dancing elves or Scottie dogs on it and then have the nerve to not include a gift receipt. It’s only fair to give folks the option to not have to keep that monstrosity if they don’t want it. Don’t deprive them of that right.
(c) Second only to re-gifting is telling someone before Christmas that you have a gift for them… only to be waiting for the “day after” sales to purchase said gift. Here’s a tip- just don’t lie about it. Don’t offer up gifts you don’t have, or don’t have the money for.
The solution to all of these problems? Just give a card, and write a heartfelt message inside… or do nothing. Both of those options look better than the three examples provided above. Plus, this saves on fights between you and Aunt Jackie when she realizes you gave Cousin Reese the sweater that she gave you last Christmas.
~Bari
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4c is debatable. Lying is not necessary but I don’t see a problem with taking advantage of the after Christmas sales for those people who are not on your primary shopping list.
I usually have to take care of family first and then everyone comes after that. Because I don’t see them until after Christmas, buying their gifts after the big day works out.