I know, I know. I’m so late on it but I finally got around to watching the Family that Prays together the other day and finally got to see that scene everyone’s been blogging about. My question is this, why is there always violence against women in Tyler Perry’s movies? And real talk, I hadn’t really noticed how consistent it was until my boss brought it up. You have the choking scene in Why Did I get Married? The (very painful to watch) scenes where ole dude throws out his wife is Diary of a Mad Black Woman. And the worst part was how people cheered during these scenes. It was disgusting. The applause, like it’s ok to beat your wife if she’s cheating. It’s never ok to resort to physical violence.
Tyler, we know you had a rough childhood, hell you even had a rough young adulthood. You talk about taking responsibility, so be responsible with with you put out into the world. Last night my friend said she had given Tyler Perry his last chance, I think I may have too.
Speak on it.
peace,
e.
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I am not a fan od domestic violence but it happens. Not that give a man grief or pushing sans buttons warrant him to choke you or slap the hell out of you unless you are truly asking for it. Most men are mildmannered and know that it is not right to hit a women…But in TFTP, the Andrea character deserve that cause she was shitting on the man’s dream, sleep with another man, and find out that the child is not his. It’s wasn’t right but still we as women are mean and we fight dirty. I didn’t cheer, I felt torned with that scene.
uhm, notsofast, are you really sitting here trying to justify beating women? you seem to have forgotten that she stole almost $300k from her. i would be talking crazy too. but that’s not the point, we’re going to have to agree to disagree because i don’t believe any action or words deserve to get beat down like that.
just because domestic violence happens doesn’t make it acceptable.
I agree with you Eva, that as bad as the slap scene was, the applause was what realy disturbed me. Now I can understand Tyler Perry including that in the movie if that’s the picture he wanted to portray because that is what exists in real life, but he could have handled it differently in several ways.
For one I would have preferred if Angela’s sister would have slapped the mess out of her.
OR if Angela had atleast fought her husband back in some way.
OR if her husband went to hit her but held himself back.
The way the scene was done was a too extreme and there was no underlying message sent that it was wrong, and that’s what bothered me. Sitting in the theater with my 13 year old cousin, I CRINGED at what he must be thinking is okay now that he’s seen it in a movie. And because Tyler Perry has gotten this respect in the community for producing movies that are more substantial than the typical Black comedies, I think that was a poor choice.
Dang, I hadn’t even realized this. I haven’t seen this new movie yet, but I have to agree with the stances of E and Lady D on this one. Yes DV is very real in the lives of many women and that shit is very far from ok!! DV is NEVER justified… NEVER!
Filming the scene as Lady D suggests, to have the woman fight back would be an interesting twist. Tyler sort of did this in Diary of a Mad Black Woman, but it made Helen look more evil than strong because when she did fight back dude was completely helpless. If the slap was the highlight of this whole movie them I think that maybe she should have slapped him back or something… or how about no slapping from either at all?
I love Tyler’s messages of struggle and the ability to grow and overcome, however I can definitely see how this DV thing is a big problem.
Haven’t seen the movie – can someone summarize?
My family was sitting in the middle of the theater and literally everyone started clapping… including women! I was in shock. It is appalling. I just don’t think there is ever a good reason to resort to DV. Not to mention we are grown now. If you feel you have to hit someone around you, one of yall is toxic and you just shouldn’t be together whether it’s your boyfriend or your sister. No excuse. Grow up.
Uhhhm the man just found out “his son” was not his…its not like he just smacked her for the 5 years of slick talk…yea the domestic violence is sad and should not be tolerated (male or female) but i think the bigger message in tyler’s movies are gender roles in the black family…Sanaa’s character was in control of her relationship the entire movie and in the one scene that her husband took control back she hit below the belt…tyler’s message to black women …STOP GOING TOE TO TOE WITH MEN AS A MAN WOULD, RESPECT AND LOVE YOUR MEN AND THEY WILL IN RETURN…let me raise a child as my own for several years then find out its some white guys kid!…shit I found the ONE slap admirable…sorry if I sound chauvinistic ladies.
Fred, what exactly does “STOP GOING TOE TO TOE WITH MEN AS A MAN WOULD” mean??
And since the “bigger message” of the movie, you feel, is “gender roles in the black family” that makes the domestic violence part of it ok??
I’m just really trying to understand the point here. Yes, ok, so the man found out that the child wasn’t his and was extremely upset, as he should have been, but that still doesn’t give him the right to “put her in her place” because that’s the basis for domestic violence. And that is kinda what your comment promotes.
So, the message to women is that they shouldn’t play hard if they are not prepared to fight hard??
Ack. It’s so disturbing to see men thinking it’s ok to hit a woman over ANYTHING she says. At the end of the day they are words. Jeez. I don’t care if she said that wasn’t his baby and she was pregnant with some other guys baby at the time too. I just don’t think there is anything that is deserving of getting beaten down, especially by your significant other. whomp.
There are a lot of people on this thread RATIONALIZING violence against women. As a friendly reminder, that is against the law, and you can and will go to jail behind it.
Furthermore, please educate yourself on a little ole bill called the Violenece Against Women Act (VAWA), sponsored by Joe Biden back in the day. It’s so important in fact, that it’s part of ConLaw questions on several state bars.
Moral of the story- it’s not in your best interest to rationalize or participate in this type of behavior. If you’re a “real man,” you’ll just pack your shit and walk away.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_Against_Women_Act
“STOP GOING TOE TO TOE WITH MEN AS A MAN WOULD, RESPECT AND LOVE YOUR MEN AND THEY WILL IN RETURN…let me raise a child as my own for several years then find out its some white guys kid!…shit I found the ONE slap admirable…sorry if I sound chauvinistic ladies.” – Fred
Ummm…several things.
1. I’ll go “toe to toe” with anyone, particularly anyone I don’t have respect for. It was clear she did not respect that man- to that end, she should’ve just left.
Before we forget, while that man was a nice hardworking man, all he had were HER dollars and a dream. He stole from her, from an account he didn’t know about or have access to. If he wanted to be “the man,” then he should have acted like one.
2. There is always a “driver” and a “passenger” in EVERY relationship. The person who loves less is the driver, and is in control of the pace of the relationship and what happens, and when it happens. Not only did your girl love less in that movie, but she was the breadwinner. She was the driver in that situation all day long…and he tolerated it. His bad. Deal with it or walk away, but don’t deliver backhands on your way out of the door.
3. That “don’t go toe to toe” and “respect your man” business sounds like you want a docile creature. Let me help you with something…the Cosby show is the exception, not the rule. That show has men thinking you will find a woman who pulls down 6 figures in a high paying job, have 5 of your kids, have dinner on the table by 7pm nightly (which is NOT the case, since Claire was a firm lawyer), and will want to cuddle up and have witty banter with you at the end of the night…like she’s not tired. If any part of that is missing, then it becomes “you don’t love and respect your man.”
If you want a traditional woman, chances are you will end up with someone who not only wants to stay home and take care of the kids, but wants to spend your money while doing it. One time for golddiggers!
4. What you are doing by rationalizing your behavior and admitting your amazed that stopped with just one slap is showing your penchant for violence, and how easy it is to rationalize the need for it. That’s more dangerous than your actual hand raising to a woman- cause that means that is your mindset.
In short, Tyler Perry, and people that think his movies offer some enlightened window on the world, need Jesus when it comes to male-female relationships when it comes to professional black folks.
eva: What I meant by “toe to toe…” is that some women esp. sistas like to talk to men like they can beat them up…u know loud talking, name calling, putting them “in their place”…and while i dont condone anyone putting their hands on anyone u cant just go around speaking ur mind to whomever u please…im a disabled man, now while i speak up when needed i don’t go just out loud talking people hoping that they were taught hitting is wrong…I feel that a lot of violence (domestic included) could be avoided if we chose our opponents accordingly…and some people just haven’t figured that out.
Bari: Im hoping your a man since you know what “real men” do…comments like that are what i mean about knowing ones place…i can have an opinion on what i believe a woman should and shouldnt do but could never begin to tell you or anyone what a “real woman” does, as i am not a woman…be clear my response is not a rationalization …i used the situation that TFTP gave and then gave my opinion…
1. If all u saw was him taking her money then …wow…one wrong does not justify another so im sure one doesnt justify 20…UMM and lets not forget they both were looking for work at their wedding reception…had he not spoke to white boy neither of them would have had a job…and the only reason she got in the corp office is becuase white boy wanted to hit…and ur right she should have left pre- disrespect, cheating, and having another mans BABY!
2.His bad?! …wow.
3.Sounds like you need to watch a few cosby reruns…claire as well as cliff shared the responsibility of their family.. he cooked sometimes, spent time with his kids, and even when claire became a partner at her firm he took his practice back home…hmmm…. sounds like a lil give and take ….take note sista….sounds like u took the same course in rationalization…lol
4.I never said that i goto Tyler perry movies for enlightenment …but you can extract a lesson from anything…btw noone is the sum of one comment so to assume my mindset on women or any other subject speaks more on your mindset than it would ever speak of mine.
4.
2.
So I didn’t see the movie… but judging from the comments…:
She was the breadwinner
He was a good man
She had an affair with a white man and got pregnant
Hubby finds out, gets mad, takes money from their account, confronts wifey, and then beats her up?
Um *pause* rewind
he beat up a woman? and folks are applauding that? whoa… scary scary scary…
Wouldn’t it have been just as effective to have a scene where he confronts her, sues her in court, wins, and then walks out the door?
I’m just shocked at the yay-ra-ra nature of domestic violence…
go see the movie leah…better yet watch it here. http://www.tvokay.com/redir4.php?l=aHR0cDovL215bW92aWVzLndzL1ZpZXdWaWRlby5waHA/dGlkPTImcGlkPTE3MTQmaWQ9NjQ0NyM=
Fred- I actually agree with you on some points. However, I will ALWAYS disagree with rationalization.
I firmly believe the Cosby show is a gold standard, but it did our late Gen Xers and Yers/Millennials a disservice. That’s all I’m saying. People are going into relationships with unrealistic expectations.
And you’re right…I shouldn’t judge your mindset. I just find Tyler Perry movies simple as hell. He dresses up the same characters in the same “clothes” (traits), and just changes the names. Professional, white-collar educated characters are always “bad” or need to be taught a lesson by the blue-collar, hard-working church going character. There’s a choir scene with a big woman in a purple robe, and all is redeemed and right with the world. I’m over it.
I feel you on that last point Bari. I supported Tyler Perry’s story and the fact that he brought something a little different to the table. But he has brought that same something different time and time again, and I would like to see him try something new because I was less than satisfied with The Family That Preys, and I was sooo disappointed with Meet the Browns.
yea I feel u bari..all n all im over the tyler perry thing too..this was a great subject eva, keep up the good work..i think the one thing we all agree on is that dialogue on these type of subjects are needed…
Peace Ladies
This discussion, in and of itself, justifies TP’s portrayal of domestic violence in the movie. When I saw it people cheered too, but I simply reminded myself that this wasn’t the first time that I disagreed with someone’s very public reaction to what seemed totally wrong/inappropriate to me. TP’s movies are a great base for family/friend discussions that wouldn’t otherwise take place. It’s important that every family pick apart the issue of domestic violence in the attempt to end it. Keep talking folks!!! This is a topic to take home!