I have a problem. I’m a single, young lady living in a large, urban city. I consider myself a social person and I enjoy meeting people. I have recently met several men, all who seem great and have potential, but I fear going out with them. Not because I’m scared of commitment or being happy or anything…it’s because…I’m broke. I overspent the past few months (bought way too many shoes!) and I have some upcoming financial commitments that make my discretionary income for the next few months limited…very limited.
I feel as though if I’m going to go out on a date with a man that I should have enough money to at least cover my half of the date plus a cab ride home just in case something goes horribly wrong or I need to excuse myself because he started acting the nut. Plus I feel that it’s just right for me to be able to do what he’s doing for me, especially in these early stages of dating.
So what should I do? Should I just fallback from the dating scene until I get my money together and let these potentially great guys walk on by? Should I say something to them about it? Or should I just say bump that and not worry about the money thing?
Help!
(Temporarily) Broke
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Hi Broke,
Damn. That even hurt MY feelings to write your name, but I guess the recession is real. Congrats on the shoes, though!
First, allow me to say that I LOVE how smart your dating strategy is. Please go out and spread this gospel. It’s just good practice, and super safe, to plan ahead and keep your own stash to cover your portion of the date/meal and a cab.
Now…that said, when someone asks you out (and I apply this philosophy to both men and women), the person who is extending the invitation is in charge of covering the meal. I would go ahead and add transportation into the equation, but a lot of folks decide to meet someone at a venue for safety reasons. In that case, they are in charge of their own transportation costs. Besides, how tacky would it be to pick someone up, go out on a date and then drop them off at the end of the night with a request for gas money? It sounds ridiculous, but I have a friend who had this happen to her in 2000. Then again, I don’t advocate dating the bootleg tape man, but that’s me.
Honestly, I wouldn’t fall back from dating altogether. However, I would just tailor my date to my financial means for my own peace of mind. Example- if you are interested in getting to know someone and you like him, agree to meet him for a lunch date during the week. It’s low pressure, typically lower cost than dinner, and if you decide that he’s lame, you don’t have to spend more than that one hour with him. Worst case scenario, you spend most of your time listening to him jaws about his life while you eat a $15 salad that you have enough money in your pocket to pay for at a restaurant within walking distance from your office. Best case scenario, you like him, box your salad up because you’ve been talking and eat in your office and make plans with him for dinner at a later date. Or, you could arrange to meet for coffee on a Saturday, or at a street festival (depending upon your location and weather). These are all low cost, yet entertaining options.
Again, I can’t tell you how smart I think your rule is. Safety first. And you are living my tagline.
Have a good weekend folks! Date Responsibly.
Bari
If you have questions for Bari, please email them to askbari@gmail.com.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
LMAO @ “I don’t advocate dating the bootleg tape man, but that’s me”
Great advice. I have done the coffee thing before and that is a great option. Easy on the wallet and you can stay as long as you want.
I guess you’d have to consider the things that you enjoy doing (some folks might not like coffee) and then just figure out less expensive ways to do them.
Excellent advice! With the recession, I highly support dating on the cheap. Times are hard…
But really, someone dated the bootleg man?? LOL!!
I support the cheap dates. Regardless of your financial situation, I see no harm in cutting back a little because dinner for two multiple times a week can add up!
Excuse me for being corny but walks in the park/on the beach can sometimes do the trick.
Maybe I’m just a cheap date
Nah, your not a cheap date Lady D, you are a date who appreciates beautiful scenery and REAL 1 on 1 time =). The beach and park are great suggestions… and romantic too.
Speaking of DVD’s, lol, here’s another suggestion. If your date is someone that you feel comfortable with bringing home or you are comfortable visiting their home then you can always have a movie night/evening/afternoon. I just had one of these and it went so well that I have another planned for Monday (baby in school, my homework will be done, so there is free time to relax with a friend and watch a couple of movies before baby comes back home).