We all know Robin Givens as the beautiful actress who has appeared on The Cosby Show, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, in Boomerang, and the Off-Broadway production of The Vagina Monologues, just to name a few, but in her book Grace Will Lead Me Home, we are introduced to a young and naïve Robin Givens who falls victim to an abusive marriage to boxing champ Mike Tyson.
Givens guides us through her family tree and reveals the curse of domestic abuse that trickled down through the generations, from her grandmother and mother’s battle to her very own fight. Retelling stories that must have passed from generation to generation, Givens vividly depicts events that occurred before she was even born. She recounts her foremothers’ strength for leaving their abusive lovers with admiration and utter respect. As we are introduced to young Robin, amidst the nostalgic childhood memories she recreates with stories of her family, we witness the recurring cycle of an unfulfilling relationship with a father and the false fulfillment of a dysfunctional relationship.
Givens describes her early days with Michael (as she calls him) with the blissful innocence they shared as a young couple. But the tale quickly turns to terror. With the first blow, your heart stops with shock, and with every blow thereafter, your heart sinks as you imagine the heavyweight champion fighting an unfair fight with his petite and unsuspecting opponent. With each page, you feel anxious and dread for what is to come but you also feel a growing discomfort at the familiarity of her deep-seated desire to just enjoy what you know is not completely right. As she walks us through the roller coaster of her relationship, she elegantly constructs the story to convey the competing danger and innocence of each moment she and Michael spent together.
The moments get progressively worse to the point where she goes numb, and we lose Robin, and it is as if someone else is writing the story for her. Through her story, Givens allows us an outside perspective that one cannot see when lost in the situation. We can see, through a spectator’s perspective, how foolish thoughts and choices can be when clouded by the bliss.
We are witness to Givens reliving some of her lowest points in her life, but we also witness her beautiful restoration, in which she finds her spirit strengthened. While it may be difficult to read at times, Robin Givens shares a victory that will undoubtedly help another young woman conquer an abusive relationship.
Domestic abuse remains a very serious issue, and it is important that we educate ourselves on the matter and prevent it in any way we can. According to helpguide.org domestic abuse “occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person [sometimes using] fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you.”
The National Domestic Violence Hotline website shares several statistics:
- 1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.[1]
- 1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. Abused girls are significantly more likely to get involved in other risky behaviors. They are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide.[2]
- According to the CDC Adverse Health Conditions and Health Risk Behaviors Associated with Intimate Partner Violence – United States 2005, each year, IPV results in an estimated 1,200 deaths and 2 million injuries among women…
Be aware of the warning signs.
Bottom line: I’m not implying that all unhappy situations will result in domestic abuse, but if you are unhappy, you need to reevaluate the relationship. Trust your gut.
There are ample resources for information and support:
helpguide.org; endabuse.org; National Domestic Violence Hotline (800.799.7233)
[1] Silverman, Jay G., Raj, Anita, and Clements, Karen. “Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality.” Pediatrics, August 2004.
[2] Ibid.
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Thanks so much for introducing this book and for also taking it a bit further to actually highlight domestic abuse and violence against women in general. Sadly, as much as women are sometimes trapped in abusive relationships because they are “in love”, when they realize that abuse IS NOT love and they seek outside help (ie. police) the law does not always protect them.
Speaking from experience, I feel that there need to be more laws put in place to protect women and children from abuse. We have a statute of limitations on rape and sexual abuse, there need to be more strict laws against human trafficking and aid for the women who have been traffcked, and the list really does go on.
Thanks so much for posting this review. Many people have said horrible things about Givens. They seem to feel that she married Mike for the money and therefore deserve what she got. To me there is never any excuse to beat a woman. I feel she is lucky to have escaped that relationship with her life. Mike Tyson was the heavyweight champion of the world and could have maimed her, or killer her. Good for Givens for finding her voice. I hope that it inspires other women in similar situations to leave.
I have to agree: this was a great review. Often, we poke fun at her for her relationship with Mike, but this seems to go so into depth, it leaves all chance of ridicule out of the equation. You can do nothing BUT wish her the best in her future endeavors after just reading this review.
*sigh*
As I can preach and testify on this…
La Donna, I know that sigh all too well myself.
Thankfully my situation never got physical but the emotions Givens relays are more than familiar.