Party Like a … Graduate Student?

A few months ago, a friend and I (both 5th years in our programs) were sitting in on a “Welcome to Grad School” program for students of color. During the program, a first-year in the audience asked a question:

First-Year: “So what do you do for fun here? I mean it seems like there’s nothing to do.”
Panelist 1: “Well there isn’t really that much to do…”
Panelist 2: “No, no that’s not right, I say I spend about 90% of my time studying, and 10% socializing.”
Leah & Friend: *Look at each other and burst out laughing*

My friend and I were shocked at the responses since the two of us spend a good chunk of our time having fun in graduate school. So for the two of us “old-heads,” the thought of devoting all of our time to a stress-inducing, alienating, and oftentimes isolating experience seemed insane. And while graduate school sometimes commands your full attention, there are still ways to maintain a balance of social and academic in order to maintain a healthy mental state.

Graduate School is a beast. And I mean that in the kindest way possible. It’s hard – doesn’t matter if you’re in a PhD program, Law School, Med School, Business School – it’s hard in ways most people can’t even imagine. We place plenty of emphasis on the scholarly part – make sure you study, go to office hours, become your professor’s best friend – but rarely do we talk about the social aspect of graduate and professional school. How it can be an isolating and alienating experience, even for those of us in the middle of the busiest of urban environments.

When I started graduate school, I lumped myself into the category of “graduate students living the good life.” I was halfway between NYC and Philly, I had friends in both cities, and I was moving from an undergraduate college that barely had one major street to a graduate institution that had its own transit system – all major upgrades. And while I was intellectually ready, nothing could have prepared me for the way that professional school eats, chews, and spits up all of your time. I found myself missing my undergraduate social experience – not just the parties, but also the social networking and the extracurricular club activities. I missed the camaraderie formed with people outside of my major; and I missed having fun discussions about simple things – like whether America’s Next Top Model was better than Project Runway. Part of my feelings of isolation also stemmed from being the only person of color in my cohort. During college, it was easy to run to my sorority or to join in meetings at the Afro-American Society. At first glance, graduate school didn’t present that opportunity and I felt increasingly like there was no one I could talk to, no one who I could relate to, and no one who could understand my voice in classroom discussions.

As you might imagine, academics + alienation + isolation = disaster equation. My first two years of graduate school were rocky. I felt unbalanced and scattered. When I tried to find social alternatives to ease the frustration of daily school activities, I took it too far. Instead of hitting the books, I was hitting the clubs. And I’ll admit – it was fun and it was exciting! But it wasn’t helping my ultimate goal of having a PhD in hand by June 2009. I quickly realized that for 95% of us, succeeding in professional school is about finding your perfect work-life balance. What works for you may not work for everyone. But social life and graduate school don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

How do you find a work-life balance? Start off slow! I got involved with on-campus extra-curricular activities like the black graduate caucus, undergraduate mentoring, and diversity recruitment and retention. I found social activities that meant a lot to me that didn’t detract from my studies or have me dancing with d-list celebrities on a nightly basis. I also eased myself back into the social scene, only committing to those events that didn’t interfere with my ultimate goal. So I felt completely comfortable hanging out in Philly until 2am, since I knew I could be back on the grind at 10am the next morning. Giving myself structure in all aspects of my life allowed me to do the things that I wanted and to do the things that I needed to do.

I also strongly recommend that you reach out to your true friends. Talk to them when you need them and stay in touch. Make time for them, whether it be taking a well-deserved vacation to the Dominican Republic, planning a joint birthday bash together, or just dining out together every once in a while. And present flexible options – can’t make it out to downtown Atlanta? Invite them over to your place in the suburbs to watch a movie and eat a home-cooked meal (or takeout, I know times are hard!).

I also realized that I have power and I have choice. So why not create your own social options? Want your off-campus friends there? Invite them too! So for example, for the past two years the graduate school has given me the funds to run a completely free winter gala – dinner, drinks, dancing, prizes, and good company! Create your own opportunities and your own solutions that allow you to socialize and to maintain your study habits. Other friends have done larger events, throwing citywide parties, hosting movie and game nights, or even creating professional school networking events. Again – test your boundaries and know yourself. If you can do all of this, great – you’re superwoman. If you can’t, no worries – you’re normal! But find ways to get involved so that you can have a hand in your own social destiny.

And of course there come certain points where we all have to buckle down and “do work son!” The bar, the dissertation, boards, final exams, job interviews … recognize that these things are monumental commitments and deserve your focus and your energy. But again – figure out a good work-life balance in order to de-stress. I cannot write my dissertation 24/7. But I can write from 10am to 10pm Monday through Thursday, taking off the weekend to go visit a friend in Chicago, or to go to DC to spend time with a loved one.

So remember, make time for you. Summer is rapidly approaching so make sure you take time out to enjoy it! If that means flying to Las Vegas to party for 3 days straight or hitting the beach in Cape Cod, then so be it! But make sure you take your books on the plane and you have enough structure in your life that you can jump right back into the war zone when you return.

And just to finish up my story, my work-life plan is a little crazy right now and is heavily tilted toward the academic side (I think I’m on the 90% work/10% play plan right now, yikes!) but it’s because I have deadlines, goals, and structure. Come June 2009 though, be prepared… because I surely will be partying like the Graduate Student Rock Star that I am!

-Leah-

Tagged as: grad school, lifestyle, time management

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Leah