The Quarter-Life Crisis

A few weeks ago, I found myself at the Bohemia Beer Garden in Astoria, well into my third mug of Pilsner Urquell, for a much needed reunion with Richard, a confidante from my first (of many) colleges that I haven’t seen in over two years. “Hey honey, how ya been? Gimme an update on your life!”

“Well, let’s see; after 4 years of college and 2 years of traveling on theater assignments, I’m now living in my parents’ basement while hustling for cash between internships and freelance work. Oh, and did I mention that I’m also trapped in a long distance relationship with a girlfriend that I adore, but at best is simply adequate?”

To which, with a deep sigh and roll of the eyes, I responded flatly; “Welcome to the Quarter-Life Crisis Club. Your membership card should arrive by mail in 4-6 weeks. Allow me to give you a tour of your life for the next few years…”

Needless to say, Dick’s situation is nothing new.

First coined, at least to my knowledge by John Mayer’s song “Why Georgia”, according to the great bastion of knowledge known as Wikipedia, the Quarter-Life Crisis often strikes the post-college ‘Generation Me’ set somewhere between 21-29 years. If the Mid-Life Crisis is the existential panic over what your life should have been, then the Quarter-Life Crisis is that same panic about what your life will be. Most of this uncertainty can be generalized by a set of questions surrounding;

-My work (Can I find an amazing job that is socially meaningful, pays more than enough, offers great benefits, room to advance and just enough creative freedom?)
-My social life (How do I establish more friendships of the ‘right’ caliber outside of those I already have and possibly settle down with someone?)
-And my career (Do I want to attend law school and defer all of these questions by another three years?)

I used to think that once I got out of college and landed a job, that things would fall into place and I’d automatically enter a world of Cosmopolitans, career stability, and chi-chi apartments, but it seems like adulthood has just stirred up more confusion. And alas, society says that I am too old to run home to mama and ask her to figure things out for me like she used to. Though no one else in my circle, aside from Richard and myself, is openly questioning the direction that their life is headed in, I refuse to believe that we are the only members of the Quarter-Life Crisis Club.

Even more disturbing than this overt denial is the stealthy transition from care-free kid to awkwardly-aware adult. Between the ages of 17-21, life consisted of menial retail jobs and internships during the day, and roaming the City in search of the usual vices (sex, drugs, rock-n-roll, etc) at night. But nowadays, my drugs of choice are Aleve and the only men I’m interested in are Ben & Jerry (or at least the guys who are willing to buy some for me.) I’ve got a job with a pension, a graduate degree in the works, and a mean case of plantar fasciitis that tends to put the kibosh on any wild nights that I might have been planning.

Simply put, I’m too old for that shit.

But I also realize the limitations of my age, and fully admit to being too young/unestablished/insecure/broke to immediately accomplish my goals, i.e. buy property, have children, quit my job to attend the Culinary Institute of America, open my own speakeasy bistro, etc. Hence…the Quarter Life Crisis. I used to look towards my older 20-something friends for guidance, however I’m starting to realize that they, too are fumbling through this thing called life (albeit, with a bit more grace.) I wish there was some sort of 12-step plan to deal with this existential disconnect that I could share with everyone, but the truth is, it’s unavoidable. So here are three tips on what I’ve learned thus far from personal experience:

1. Grow Up
Just because you’re of drinking age does not mean you have to prove it every weekend; there are other forms of recreational fun outside of ‘models-n-bottles’ night at the club, or football night at the pub. Try cultivating interests outside of your comfort zone; maybe you’ve always been interested in learning a new language, or picking up a hobby. Who knows; you might meet great people along the way who share your interests.

2. Get Help
Maybe it’s a fear of little people (aka midgets), a penchant for picking the wrong mate, or something much deeper concerning an unresolved childhood drama, but we are all a lil bit crazy. However, within the minority community, there’s a general suspicion of talking to a therapist/psychologist, for fear of ‘becoming dependant on unnatural drugs’ or ‘airing our dirty laundry.’ Well get over it. Even if your form of therapy does not involve psychotropic medications, sometimes talking to a neutral professional can make a world of difference.

3. Gain Stability
And by stability, I mean funds. I’m not a financial expert, but there are many studies that prove how most people (including myself) are only three months away from living in basic poverty, or at least moving back in with your parents. That being said, SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!!! Or at least look into a Roth IRA/401k/403b plan that will automatically do it for you.

I’m not saying that I’ve found the absolute solution, but when supplemented by the occasional cold beer with good friends like Richard, these steps can make the transition into independent adulthood a lot smoother. And until I am living my ideal life of a married restaurateur with 2.5 kids and a home in the Poconos, I’ll take whatever I can get.

-Anairo

Tagged as: mental health, quarter life crisis

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Anairo