Comments on: Ask Bari

By: Kes

Kes — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 16:09:45 +0000

No. “I don’t want boyfriend responsiblities” is code for “thanks for being my jump-off the last few months, but you aren’t worth my investing time or money taking you on a date”.

By: Miya

Miya — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 13:15:20 +0000

I really needed to read this guys. bari, this for your neverending wit and wisdom, Jay I also liked hearing things from a male point of view.

By: Barbara

Barbara — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 23:19:19 +0000

Wow Jay, those were words straight from my bestfriend’s ex-boyfriend’s mouth, lol. Its all about being real though. If you are willing to just settle for less because you are either in love or addicted to the momentary affection that a man may give you then, as Bari has pointed out, the problem lies within you. Its hard to hear, but its an important thing to realize, especially when the red flags are so prevelent that you could land a whole plane.

Keep up the good work!!

By: Michele

Michele — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:56:38 +0000

Thank you Jay! You are absolutely right. Luckily for me, I have 11 brothers to tell me how it goes. And even still I am guilty of occasional rationalizing. Women and Men just think differently. Sometimes we need to hear the mans point of view in order to change ours up a bit.

By: Michele

Michele — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:52:35 +0000

By: Bari

Bari — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 16:43:43 +0000

Thanks Jay! We essentially are providing the same candy, just in different colored wrappers.

Eva- that rationale is analogous to the “cab light on” story from Sex & the City. I’ve found it to be true, as well. That is another advice column for another day, though. lol

By: Eva

Eva — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 16:41:06 +0000

As Bari said, we often try to rationalize what’s going on in the man’s head. It’s true, I do it all the time (I swear I’m trying to stop).

Thank you Jay for breaking it down for us. I must say, I’ve never heard that rationale before.

By: Jay P

Jay P — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 16:27:37 +0000

Guys perspective.

For men, relationships are about timing. Not the woman. Sounds harsh, but its true — keep in mind this is a generalization. But the argument goes as such, no matter how great the woman is, a man must explore the world, women, finish school, feel financially secure, etc. And until he’s had that “eureka” moment when he decides he’s ready, he probably won’t get into a monogamous relationship. But when he’s ready – watch out. Entirely different creature. We can get pushy about marriage, kids, the whole 9.

Some men have that moment earlier than others. Guys who worked after undergrad w/no intentions of grad school normally had that moment by 25. Grad school guys, after grad school. Some guys are so involved in their careers it won’t happen until much later.

What this man is telling you is, he hasn’t had his eureka moment. So he may like you and think you’re wonderful, but he’s not ready, and won’t be until some bigger picture items line up in his life.

If you are hungry for a relationship, then move on. If the sex is good and you’re ok with him not being exclusive then chill and enjoy.