Oh SASSY ladies (and gents), if you only knew about the day I’ve had today.
Long story short I have a deadbeat roommate. Early on he showed deadbeat tendencies, such as smoking in his room even though our lease says not and stinking up the house with the smoke. But I try to see the good in people, and figured that even though he was a jerk most of the time, he would never go into full asshole mode (sorry for the swears Mom). Today he showed me wrong.
Essentially for 2 weeks we’ve been asking this dude to pay his rent and for 2 weeks he’s said he wants to use his security deposit to do so. *insert screwface here* Even though that makes no sense (as our lease isn’t up until 2 months and because there’s a 90% chance we’re not going to get that deposit back (see my “f this couch” album for why)), he insisted that this was his plan. I thought he might split but I didn’t actually do it. But he did it. We came home today and his stuff was gone and his keys were on the coffee table. This fool really moved out when we were at work. And had the nerve the email saying essentially “I’m out. Good luck.” So so lame.
So what’s a SASSY woman to do?
Initially I kicked myself for not changing the lock on his bedroom door. I figured as long as his stuff was in the house, he couldn’t possibly just split. A little research showed me that this was illegal, so it’s best that I didn’t actually get around to changing that lock.
So I turned to my favorite lawyer, of Ask Bari fame, and she gave me some good advise. Essentially she told me, the moment this fool said I’m not paying rent and moved all his stuff out the apartment, he committed anticipatory repudiation. He breached our contract (the lease) and we can now file breach of contract suits against him. Even though this will be a mega headache, this dude is messing with my money. And we can’t have that, can we ladies and gents?
Unfortunately, we still have to pay the full amont of rent in the meantime – we all signed the lease and are therefore responsible for paying rent. It totally sucks, but I’m not going to mess with our landlady, who is a lawyer, and be taken to court myself.
If he’s smart, he’ll send a check for two months of rent and call it a day. If he’s an idiot, which is very likely, we will see him in small claims court.
Ok, I know there’s a lot going on in the world right, but the fact that I’m still pissed the next day means I just have to say something. What in the world was going on with the BET awards last night? That was not a tribute to Michael and it was just 3 hours of foolishness. It seems like the only people paying tribute were Jamie Foxx, Neyo, Ciara and Janet Jackson. Joe Jackson was up in there with chillin with Al ‘do Sharpton. Beyonce was acting like it was her concert. People who never met Michael talking about their favorite MJ memories. Being forced to watch the commercial for the new Tiny show. Ugh. But the worst was Lil Wayne and co talkin’ bout “I wish I could *bleep* every girl in the world” with preteens on the stage. Just gross. I just cannot. BET do better.
I think best response I’ve read in response to the BET awards was “I wish BET died and that Michael did a tribute to it.”
At any rate, I didn’t post anything right after MJ died because there aren’t any words to say. I still don’t have words. We lost a legend.
My ultimate favorite video.
peace,
e.
p.s. Did you notice the Boyz in this video?! I just died.
I’m sure by now you’ve seen the tragic video of Neda Soltan’s death. It is heartbreaking. And it makes me so angry.
The details about her are hazy. I’ve read that she was 16, I’ve read that she was 27. One report said she was a philosphy student, another said she was into music. One said she was engaged, another said she was dating. None of it matters. She was a human, and humans deserve better than to be randomly shot and to die in the street in their father’s arms.
I get why Obama’s not doing more, I understand his restraint. But what is going on in Iran is simply out of control. People are dying every single day for democracy. What is it going to take for the people of Iran to have some freedom, to have their voice heard? Are we supposed to be waiting for another Islamic Revolution?
President Obama recently wrote an article about being a responsible father. Check it out here.
Ladies, and gents, please take some time this weekend and show your dad some love. Even if he wasn’t always around and even if he didn’t father you the way you wanted, dads are important and need love too.
Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of what it really means to love yourself. Especially, if your in a situation where you’re constantly giving to another person. Whether it is because you are a parent, a wife, a caregiver or what have you; it may be difficult to find time to really love yourself the way that you should. What does it really mean to love yourself? Is it about making yourself a cup of hot chocolate when you’re cold? Is it about buying yourself a new dress when you feel like it? Is it doing whatever you want when you want it? Is it about putting warm clothes on when it’s freezing outside? I see the statement, ‘you must first love yourself….’ alot, but there is not enough emphasis on how to really do that.
Love is such a loaded word that many people define differently. Traditionally, love is defined as having a deep affection or feeling of devotion. But to truly be in love with thyself goes beyond caring for your basic needs. It means to empathize completely; to understand and identify with yourself; to accept yourself as you are and to come to terms with those aspects of yourself that you cannot change. It by no means encourages arrogance or feelings of conceit but this kind of love is about recognizing your self worth and those things that make you uniquely fabulous. [click to continue…]
cue background music – Bobby Valentino “I’ll Forgive You”
First I have to acknowledge that relationships are not easy. Relationships take two people who want to be in and KNOW what it takes to be in a relationship. I’ve dated, “talked to”, and laid down with many men (retired professional athletes, an ivy league professor, street pharmacists, biomedical engineers, designers (Urban Outfitters), Iraq veterans, MBAs and my current boo, I can’t stunt). I must also state that the dynamics surrounding my relationships are slightly different as I am a gay African American male and therefore not a woman of color. However, many of the dynamics in my relationships are the dynamics you face in your relationships. Many of the same issues that you’ve endlessly toiled over, cried about, asked Jesus about and your girlfriends about I have too!
I could tackle many issues in this first post, but I’m going to keep it simple. The following things need to be in place in order for things to go well in your current or ooops…next relationship.
Be in a relationship with someone who is going to be as dedicated to it as you are.
You must be loyal to your partner. (i.e, stick up for him in public, even if he is wrong! Give him your support all the time. At times when I’m critiquing I still find a way to lift my man up!)
Never allow yourself to take a back seat to someone else, especially if you are really helping him (emotionally, financially, socially).
Know your man’s friends!
How you got him is how you gonna keep him. (i.e, if you fucked him on the first night, you’ll prolly do it again. It’s hard to turn a booty call into a relationship, you’re already at a loss and you’ve got to get your footing back by having a real date a.s.a.p. or else throw in the towel).
Know your self worth!
You gotta give sometimes (i.e, you hate WWF wrestling or his friends who smoke weed, girl learn to get on with the Rock and Hulk Hogan. And the puff friends, as long as they aren’t interfering in your relationship…leave them alone. Friends can fuck your shit up!)
AGAIN, uplift your man! (i.e “Ahmed, you are some bullshit! You don’t even got a full time job, you working part time ain’t making no real money.” Girl, Ahmed don’t want to hear that shit. He know he is working fulltime and not making enough money. I promise. You pointing it out is not helping, it’s making him see that you are nagging the hell out of him and that he might want to find someone else who is chill and not fuckin nagging him about stuff.) SUPPORT SUPPORT SUPPORT your man.
Be honest with yourself and know the situation! (Do you want your man more than he wants you? Are you fighting to make the relationship work at every turn? Are you nitpicky about too many things?)
You can’t change nobody! (Self explanatory, but I’ll elaborate. Think about how hard if it to change things within yourself, like going to the gym, dieting, keeping up with friends, telling the truth, saving money, etc. NOW think how hard it would be to change those things in someone else…who really isn’t ready or doesn’t want to change. Moreover, apart from the transformation process in relapse he might be a mess now but by time her gets to girlfriend # 5 he might be ok. You gonna stick it out? Or you gonna go? Also he might not change, and he could relapse on #5 as well.)
Do ya’ll have the same goals? (Where do you think it is going? How do you know?)
Do you talk to your man? Does the relationship only consist of texts and emoticons? Umm we have a problem!
If it’s serious you don’t have to ask your man to stop chatting with hoes or playing games. Why? Because he’ll stop because he will be content with you.
Having an ex present is not the business and it is a detriment to your relationship. If he loves that ex more, you will know!
No point in having a partner if you don’t have yourself! Other people can see that you’re lost, not grown or not on their level very quickly.
Does this person make you feel whole, make you feel better? A good partner will know your needs, because they pay attention to you! A man who loves you knows your needs! PRAISE GOD!
Are you proud of your partner? Is he proud of you?
You say you want a bad bitch….Are you a bad bitch? You want him to be to have a car, know how to fix stuff, be educated, in shape, etc? Can you be what he asks? Can you cook? Are you in shape? Are you sociable? Are you someone he would want to introduce to his friend? (ALL OF THEM) That’s a bad bitch to him!
Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be with that one!
Work on making yourself better and I promise, you’ll have more options!
Are you settling? (DAMN, soo deep I can’t even go there in this post!)
Oh yea…KNOW YOUR FIELD! Who is your competition? What do you have that they don’t? I live in New York, I’m pretty much fly 85 percent of the time and like 95 percent of the time when I see my boo. He knows what I look like in the morning, but he sees that the least and the flyness the most!
What was his last serious relationship like? If you can, find out. The results might surprise you!
That’s all for now. Please send love and hate mail to Eva, she’ll get it to me.
This weekend I had the pleasure of attending Princeton’s Graduate Women of Color Caucus’s conference, The Changing Role and Influence of Women of Color in Society. It was such a great experience. The keynote was by Dr. Ruth Simmons (current President of Brown, former President of Smith (whoot whoot)). She is simply amazing. If you don’t know about Dr. Simmons, you need to ask someone. She is the Michael Jordan of academia.
She was candid. She was funny. She was honest. Dr. Simmons broke down what we need to succeed in higher education, and especially in some of the most prestigious schools in America.
Know your field.Like really know it. Know the markers of your field. Where should you be published? What prizes should you be striving for? What grants should you be receiving?
Mentors. Of course you know you need a mentor, but how do you know if you have a good mentor. Dr. Simmons told us if all your mentor does is tell you how wonderful you are, get a new mentor. You need a mentor to tell you what’s not pretty.
Let them take credit for your work.It’s happened to her many times before, and it’s bound to happen for you. It’s better for us, if you succeed. Who cares if they want to take credit for it.
This is going to require maturity. Unfair things are going to happen to you. Expect that. So now, how are you going to handle it? You cannot throw a fit. You must handle disappoint with grace. When your boss/professor talks crazy to you, take it. Save the tears for your office.
Don’t let others pacify you. Again, like with your mentors, if you are surrounded by people who only tell you how great you are, be aware. Be your own worst critique. Tear your own work about if you have to.
Endure. Be strong. Do not let grad school break you. You will be dealing with all this drama for a good reason – that good MA or PhD.
Be broad. Most of there are studying something related to people of color, and that is great. But we must remember to be broad enough to affect others. This will also make us more marketable when we hit the job market. It’s important to be near the center. Being in the margin is not where you want to be.
Remember how important you are. Yes, you need the school for an education, but they need you too. The better you are, they better they look. Don’t let them treat you like they are doing you a favor and that you don’t belong. Remember your value to their institution and be good to yourself.
It was exactly what I needed to hear and at the exact time when I needed it most. Thank you Dr. Simmons. You are a gem.
As summer approaches and we stand in the midst of a weakened and unstable economy ( though things are beginning to look up), most of us are trying to find ways to escape the monotony of our daily grind. Since most of us are no longer in college and do not get an official spring/summer break, not only are we left with trying to find creative ways to vacation but now also faced with finding the time to sneak away for a bit.
Being the SASSY and frugally savvy sista’s and brothers that we are, this should be a small and relatively easy feat. I can understand that you may be unsure of where to begin and how to get the most bang for your buck. Check out this list of ideas and things to remember for quick, cheap and painlessly fabulous mini-vacation spots that can be just around the corner from where you call home.
Tip #1. Take the road less traveled. What I mean by that, is if you can travel by car do it! It will be the best and cheapest way to go. Although gas prices over the summer seem to always sky rocket, the price of fuel for a round trip destination will cost you up to 50% less than if you were to travel by plane. Also an added bonus is that you wont have to pay to check your luggage since trunk space is always free.
Tip #2. Stay close to home. Get on the web and research the largest cities closest to you in each neighboring state, then visit their official state website to check out the attractions they have to offer. You never know, the perfect vacation may only be a couple hours away.
Tip #3. Bundle your costs. If you must fly, leave on non peak days (Tuesday – Thursday). Try and book weeks in advance through a wholesale website such as Expedia, Hotwire, Priceline or Orbitz. Many of these sites are running summer promotions that can get you to and from major cities to other destinations for as little as $99 round trip. By booking your hotel, airfare and rental car prices together you can save a considerable amount of money.
Tip #4. Use your available discounts. Everyone loves to get something free but the next best thing to free is to get it discounted. Some discounts you may be able to use to cheapen your trip are student discounts, military (if your active or a dependent), AAA, government (you qualify for this discount if you hold a federal or state work ID) and many others. Take advantage of what’s available to you to get the most bang for your buck.
Tip #5 Split the price. If you have a group of really fun people who are all looking to get away, travel together. By splitting the cost of the trip you can save up to 25% on your accommodations if you travel with 3 or more people. Additionally, another alternative for group travel is vacation apartment rentals. They offer more space and are often priced per week instead of per night.
Tip #6. Ride the rails. Travel by train means that you must enjoy “getting there” as much as “being there.” Since it takes a lot longer than flying, you have to make transportation part of the experience. Don’t just think about hopping on a train to get somewhere. Instead, you’re going to the train! And, eventually, it will lead someplace.
Tip #7. Cruise it up. Weekend cruises can be very inexpensive and leave from ports that may be right near you. Discovery Cruise Lines offer several weekend trips to the Bahamas ( although a U.S Passport is required for this destination) which bundle the actual cruise and hotel stays for as little as $59 per person.
Taking these tips into consideration, here are a few cities you may look into traveling to that you may have never considered (well, unless you live near or in one of them. If this is the case, see tip #2):
Chicago, Illinois — Try the Navy Pier for shopping or if your a foodie, hit up the Taste of Chicago Charleston, South Carolina – Get an old country feel with a coastal flair. Day trips to Daniels or Johns Islands could be great fun Fort Myers, Florida — Take a visit to the wildlife preserve or its romantic beaches. (Bonus: Hotels on Sanibel and Captiva Islands are offering a 20% discount on bookings ranging from a week or more. This special ends on June 13, 2009.) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania — A foodie’s dream you can visit eclectic restaurants and sample the traditional cheesesteak or hop on a 90 min train ride to bustling NYC. Baltimore, Maryland — Take in an Orioles Game or the local fun down at Baltimore’s Inner Harbor Charlotte, North Carolina — See the orchids at the Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden, the U.S National Whitewater Center or the roaring roller coasters of Carowinds.
If your in the market for a vacation, the most you can do is your homework. You will be able to find a destination that is just what you’re looking for while staying within your price range if you follow the above tips and keep in mind that less is always more. The less money you actually spend on traveling to your destination, the more money you’ll indefinitely have once you arrive. Share with me in the comments any other cost-cutting ways youve found to make your trips less expensive. Are there any other cities youve visited that you would recommend for someone looking to take a mini-vacation?
Wherever your travels may take you this summer or beyond, remember to be sexy, SASSY and safe while you do it!
